Who am I?
at what moment.... on what day?
Usually, I am the strong one
the one everyone turns to in times of grief
the one everyone brings their problems to
as they all feel I can solve anything.
Usually, I am the one full of laughter
and they come to me when they are sad
as they feel, I can make them laugh
and ease some of the pain they’re going through.
Usually, I am the one with all the ideas
I help them solve their craft or sewing problems
I help them with their painting
I help them with their decorating.
I am the one who held it all together - for others.
But, now.....at this moment
I am the one who cries more than she laughs
the one who is with-drawing and hiding away
from the grief and pain inside me.
The one who watches her mother
slip into the next stage of Altzheimer’s
the one who watches her father
who has little time left.....dying from cancer.
The one watching her brother, her only sibling
still drowning in alcohol and drugs
I am:
the one who still needs to be there for everyone else
but the one who is falling apart.
Who am I?
I don’t know anymore.
Author notes
"Patent Pending is an awesome group!"
This is the first poem I've written that didn't rhyme. But I really couldn't with this. I hope it's ok.
A contest entry
- Who Are You??? For BIG POINTS :) by GiftedPsychosis.
4000 points, ended May 23, 2007, 74 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is nice Who Am I I dont know anymore I can relate to this thanks for sharing. Congrats on the HM
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I really don't know who I am anymore. Too many changes and stress keeps me changing, too. Thanks Starz.
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This is a wonderful poem that I think many can relate to. I am young but have been through alot more than I should have for my age and I really do relate to this. I am almost 16, which most people think is young, but have had to deal with alot. Not kid stuff, but My uncle died in a car wreck, he was like my dad, who I've never known. And my grandmother who is only 56 has to go through chemo for non-hojkins lymphoma, and she doesn't have any hair, and I help here all the time because she is always tired and sick. And there is more but I just want you to know that even though you are hurting and feel like you can't go on sometimes, you will. Because I know, just from what I have to deal with, there is no other place you would rather be or would be. You do the things you do not just for them but for yourself because they are part of you. Just remember this, (it helps me)
God doesn't ever give you more then you can handle.
(even if you think he does). Thanks for the wonderful poem and letting me know I'm not the only one who feels this way often.
Hugs & Kisses!
Cayla
(sorry it's so long!)
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Stingersinger53: Thank you so much for reading, commenting and the applause. I wish the best for your grandmother. Being strong, for some of us, is the way we are...the way we have to be. My father did pass away last week. Now I have other things to deal with, on top of my grief. I will get through it as best I can.
I'm glad you liked this. Thanks.
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I'm glad you got recognition in the contest. I don't think I've ever been the strong one, I've only endured. I admire your strength and undertand we all fall now and then.
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Thank you Paintover Park. I've had to be the strong one, not my choice, but just the way it is. Appreciate you reading and commenting on this. Thanks.
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I could really relate to this poem. I've always been the strong one in my family; everyone else seemed to put on a strong face in front of each other, yet looked to me for support. It's not an easy position to be in at all, especially when you have your own issues you need to deal with. I sympathise with you. I liked how you added in smaller tasks as well as the more important ones, such as when you spoke about helping with crafts and sewing. Too often do these little things go unnoticed. Form-wise, it was written quite nicely. Personally, I'm a punctuation-nazi and would have added a few commas in some places, but that's just a suggestion. It's quite nice the way it is. Very nice job!
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Aerestheth: Thank you for reading and commenting. You are lucky you at least get the 'look' of a strong face to back you - I don't have that. I just have to deal with it all - no fun. I'm usually a 'punctuation-nazi' also, but was lax on this..lol.
Thanks again.
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wow this is really good
i know what its like to be the one relied apon in hard times n thats they never know that u are acally hurting i think this is a very brave poem to write n very powerful one
well done
keep writeing
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Thank you Angel. Guess it's just one of those many times in life that you have to be brave - as no one else is or can be. I'm glad you liked this. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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this was a beautiful piece. i know how you feel because usually people come to me for everything. someone i loved commited suicide almost two years ago. it's still hard. this piece was really good for being your first not ryhming. i usually ryhme but not so much anymore. you're a good writer. keep your head held high and your heart strong and you'll find yourself again soon.
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Thank you for reading, commenting, and the applause BeautifulMistake. I appreciate it. It's just a rough time right now. But we do get through the rough times - we have to, don't we? Sorry about your friend - suicide is such a personal decision and is so hard, sometimes, for those left behind to understand - and not feel guilt for not being able to help - but that isn't always possible.
Thanks again.
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this is a very sad piece. it's very good though, even without the use of rhyme. i can connect with this poem a lot because i am just like you. everyone comes to me for everything. everytime they have a problem or something else going on in their lives, they know that i will always be there for them through it all. but it seems when i have problems, they do not return the favor. so i'm left there, like you are, without anyone there for me, trying to deal with my pain and problems on my own. my friend recently committed suicide, none of my friends really knew him so nobody cared. my grandfather died of lung cancer, and again, none of my friends knew him so they didn't care. we found my uncle dead in his chair; he suffered from a heart attack, and because he was sometimes strict, nobody cared. so all i can tell you, i guess, is to try to remain strong through everything. i know it's tough, but you have to remain strong for the people you love. good luck in everything. i hope your family members will be ok.
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RestlessRomantic: Thank you for reading, the nice comment and the applause. Sounds like you, too, have had a rough time. I have to remain strong...there is no-one else. I think, at this point now, I can almost count my dad's time in minutes or days. It's so hard to watch your parent waste away and die like that.
Thanks again.
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This is a sad, personal piece of writing. You really touched me with this. Congratulations on the HM, it is well deserved. great job.
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Thank you for reading and commenting, paullallady. I guess there's many moments anymore that I just am not sure who I am. Glad you liked it.
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Nice shiney ya got hanging there
ha! This was a sad piece! So sorry! I certainly hope you find support to keep a strong front if needed and warm arms to hold you when you lose your stance. A wonderful penning of your feelings and emotions. My pleasure to read! ~Tia
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Thanks for reading, commenting and the applause Tia. Even with support, and very warm arms..lol, from my husband, this is rough. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
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Oh woowww..I am so sorry to read your pain inhere..I wanted to comment about your first not rhyming poem
You should know I loved the poem but it saddend me to read all this pain you are going through...I do hope there will be someone to comfort you too
It almost seem like to much to deal with...
Wishing you and yours the strenght to deal with all,
and I will keep you in my prayers too
XXJeannette
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Thank you so much for reading, your comment, applause, roses and your thoughts. I appreciate it.
I am basically the last of my family. Have a great hubby giving me support right now. It's been rough, getting rougher. But that's life, right? And I am finding that I am a 'glimmer of light' for so many others in the nursing home, right now, who have no family left to come visit them. Prayer keeps me going right now. Thank you for yours.
Blessings and peace
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Love It!
I absolutely Love this poem.It is beautiful. I don't even recognize whether it rhymes or not. The message is what draws me in to the poem and keeps me wanting to read more. Great Job!
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Wearychild: Thank you for your nice comment and the applause. I usually rhyme everything (well, I've only been doing this a few months)so it felt odd to just write and not worry about rhyming. It's just a rough, rough spot in life for me right now.
Thanks again.
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i absolutley adore the last two lines.
Who am I?
I don’t know anymore.
i love the attitude you have in it. just wow. amazing.
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Thank you StarryEyedDolly. Rough time right now - very confusing to know who you are when so many things hitting you all at once, I guess. Thanks for reading, commenting and the applause.
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Very emotional
I like the honety in the poem. You are not afraid to tackle some tuff issues and you put alot of emotion into everything I've seen from you so far.
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Thank you. Guess at this point in writing, I am just letting out some of my emotions. I actually like my nature and humor writing better, lol, but the other comes out at times.
Thanks for reading, commenting and the applause.
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wow. what a wonderful poem, and i think it could be a good thing that you couldnt rhyme with this poem, it works great the way it is. i know how it can be when your friends always go to you with problems, but if they are your true friends then they will be happy to listen to you rant and rave with tears in your eyes about the injustices of this cruel world.
But, now.....at this moment
I am the one who cries more than she laughs
the one who is with-drawing and hiding away
from the grief and pain inside me.
i loved this part because its just so true to me and its a wonderful beautiful heartfelt poem. i wish you the best luck in this contest.
Claire-Anne
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Thank you Ravenblood. I appreciate your comment and the applause.
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The one watching her brother, her only sibling
going through tests for colon cancer
the one who still needs to be there for everyone else
but the one who is falling apart.
This is really very heartfelt and very touchy work inded...It is a way to represent the truhs of life in the circumstances stated ...The story board of the facts here represents the bitter truths and brings the philosophy of the life with so much intensity and truth as well...Indeed it is very tender immagery and impact is just very powerful too..I really appreciate this
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Thank you very much P...Dayal. Just a rough time in my life right now, although I know a lot of people probably are having it rougher.
blessings to you.
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Strong, thoughtful
The way the poem drifts from illusion, optimism, power to helplessness suits your style well. I don't think I missed the rhyme at all because there's a natural flow in your piece that stands in for rhyme. The subject is rather harsh but harshness is also part of life and it has to be accepted. I do like your sparce use of adjectives and adverbs, which gives deeper meanings to your verbs and nouns. There's nothing to waste here, it's all meaning, meaning, meaning. -
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Thank you so much for the nice critique. As a pretty new (less than 3 months) writer, all comments are appreciated and help me to learn. Especially on this one, as it's the first I've tried to write something that didn't rhyme.
Thanks again.
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Good Job!
aboomer -- wow, this is such an indepth look into your life - thanks for sharing !!! I know that same feeling... in fact i live it too
Sometimes it really stinks to be the goto person, but it's it such an uplife feeling that you are?!?! it doesn't always detract from what you're going through though and that seems like a gigantic mountain of emotion!!
Thank you so much for entering and rhyming would have been too much to ask in this contest for this write. Much luck to you in the judging. Great job. DF & -GP -
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Thank you so much for the Honorable Winner! I enjoyed trying my hand at not rhyming.
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Thank you DF/GP - this is the first time I've tried to write and not rhyme so I wasn't sure if it was any good or not. I've always been the 'go-to' person, and that's fine with me. Just right now, I feel like I'm letting others down trying to handle myself - falling apart, lol, is not fun.
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Wow... I used to be a lot like you. I was always the... sadness bitch I guess I can call it. I broke down a few times, but each time I came back and resumed my old job. That was in High School. I can tell you now, if you are still in HS, the job passes, and you turn out all the better for it.
As for your family... I really, really hope for them all. If you have done all this for your friends, then they will help you back, if not, maybe they shoulden't be your friends.
Still, amazing and beautiful write, good luck in the contest!
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Thank you Akarian. I'm not a sad person, that's the problem. I'm usually always happy, always seeing the good side of life. This situation is hard for me as so many others look to me for their support - and I'm not doing so well at times with me.
Thanks for reading, commenting and the applause.
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This is so wonderfully written and expressed. It is very intense and sad...yet beautiful for the simple reason that it is who you are at this time in your life. You are speaking from your heart my friend, and a precious and kind heart it is. Praying that you find the strength you must have to face these difficult times. Hope it helps to know that you have friends here who love and care for you so much.
Bless You,
Azlyn
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Thanks Azlyn. You've been a good friend and a lot of help in the support department - I treasure that. I will get through this - have no choice or say in it. It's just rough, but I try to get some laughter in there when I can. And my friends here help a lot.
thanks again.
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