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Baptise Me In Cyanide

Holy water and crucifixes have no hope of saving me
So close to being beyond redemption something stronger i need
And you came to me and said that you had an answer
That will purify the blood in my viens and stop my cancer

But you see throughout my life i have tried to be strong
And just let my pain allow me to redeem the wrong
I once had a halo but i let it slip and stop my breath
So it took me slowly until this darkness was all that was left

So take me from this life and baptise me in cyanide
Made from the tears fallen angels have cried
I'm sorry for all the sins i've left on my soul
Thay are almost tattooed so they will never go
Unless you can make god believe that i never lied
You must cleanse my heart and baptise me in cyanide

I see you as an angel who will save me from this place
I know this must be real i can see it on your face
Nail these broken peices together in ths hape of a heart
Hold them tight don't let them ever fall apart

I have been searching for my meaning on this earth
But it has been such a striggle since my birth
Maybe this is the onlu reason that i am here
To prove that your sins can be forgiven without fear

So take me from this life and baptise me in cyanide
Made from the tears fallen angels have cried
I'm sorry for all the sins i've left on my soul
Thay are almost tattooed so they will never go
Unless you can make god believe that i never lied
You must cleanse my heart and baptise me in cyanide

Do it do it now before i lose all my faith
And my soul will be too dammed to be saved
I don't care if there will be excruciating pain
Because i need to be able to live with myself again

So take me from this life and baptise me in cyanide
Made from the tears fallen angels have cried
I'm sorry for all the sins i've left on my soul
Thay are almost tattooed so they will never go
Unless you can make god believe that i never lied
You must cleanse my heart and baptise me in cyanide

Author notes

http://rache-engel.deviantart.com/art/kellerkind-64182239

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • No More Lies
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    The title made me very curious about this, so I had to check it out.

    An to be honest; I'm glad I did

    The first stanza is a brilliant start, an the line: "That will purify the blood in my viens and stop my cancer" is beautifully written.

    The second stanza is just as great, an keeps the dark rhythm flowing.

    The chorus is simply an darkly beautiful,

    The line: "I see you as an angel who will save me from this place" is amazing.

    This is beautiful in a dark, poetic way. Well done. Please keep up the good work,
    Or the faeries will come get ya lol


  • Silversunshine
    January 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love reading your poetry & I'm excited to now be a part of your group!! The chorus on this one is very powerful & gave me goose bumps when I read it.


  • bonjourbunnie
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good poem. I enjoyed the imagery and metaphors that you used throughout. Great read, thank you for submitting it and good luck.


  • Mad Pastor Grovell
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have to congratulate you on having entered this poem in no less than 18 contests! And no one has pointed out the spelling mistakes! Truly a wonderful achievement. God bless you.


  • everthesame
    July 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow this was outstanding great write i loved it


  • Asylaarix
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow ... the rhythem and the flow as well as the rhyme was amazing in this piece ... you have put together on beautiful piece out of something to dark and unnatural ... i loved it ... it was absolutely beautiful ... your words scream "PAIN" and yet ... the poem whispers "beauty" ... very well done ... and I am so glad that you used the picture as well ... very well done poet ...

    Smile, It Confuses People
    Sparkeh

    GL in the contest


  • Jai Guru Deva
    June 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i'm in love with this. enough said

  • skydancer0110
    June 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It flowed very well. I loved the topic. Your rhyming was excellent as well. thanks for entering...


  • FlipperSwitch
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this read, very dark and very alluring. Thank you for the entry, good luck!


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful title- how bout the rest...

    So take me from this life and baptise me in cyanide
    Made from the tears fallen angels have cried
    I'm sorry for all the sins i've left on my soul
    Thay are almost tattooed so they will never go
    Unless you can make god believe that i never lied
    You must cleanse my heart and baptise me in cyanide

    i love the repetition of this stanza.

    and the second to last stanza on pain and not caring wnating to live with yourself again

    its wonderfully done.

    the repetition is great but just a little over used, if you dont mind me saying.

    thanks for entering

  • Raven Judge
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    In line two I am looking for a word between "stronger" and "I" to round out the flow. There are a lot of possibilities, but which one is best should be directed by the meaning you wish to convey (obviously). Same with "redeem" and "the" in the second line of the second stanza. I'll stop there with specific examples, but I'd look for flow repair throughout the piece. (Of course, all of this can be written off as the ear of the reader, so if you don't see what I am talking about there is always the chance it is just me.)

    The good news is that there are some frequent gems interlaced throughout that carry forward the thrust of the piece (ex: "Unless you can make god believe that i never lied / You must cleanse my heart and baptize me in cyanide.")

    The "faith" and "saved" rhyme (lines 29 and 30) is so obviously good it makes me wonder why I don't see or hear it more often. Bears recognition in the reality that I don't.

    The sum of this piece (with sincere regret) is a terrific concept executed poorly. The repetitive quality of the writing distracts rather than highlights... although even in this I must admit a driving force is the perceived flow troubles.

    Even setting those aside though, there is an under developed feeling at play here. It seems as if you are not quite done with this piece.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~Das


  • Psychoticemochick
    June 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is really great. Good luck in this contest.


  • Razor-Blade Romance
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write. I really like this piece.. Good luck


  • Florida Sunshine
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    As the 1st one in my 2nd Chance contest~ I see this is very good~ an excellent write~ Thanks so much for jumping, Glad to have you!


  • DemonChild
    May 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    well done

    nicely done but I sugjest you spell check


  • LadyLavender gold member
    May 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is genuis...I love it!


  • LadyLavender gold member
    May 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    can you please spell check..this is beautiful but i want to judge fairly!


  • XxMysticalFantasyxX
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    aww this is so sad..it was so full of emotions so powerfull..be strong! you are a very talented and best of luck in this contest


  • Dark Reaper
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    just wow hun I wish you wouldnt believe all is gone because your still alive and as long as thiers a heart beat there is still strength maybe you do not believe but I can see, and Im half woman so Im half right
    Love ya hun
    TK

1 - 19 of 19