I always dreamed
of being something,
anything.
Now i watch others
grow up, learn,
and i just sit,
writing.
i guess i failed
you dad,
i'm not the man
you want me to be,
and i don't think i ever will be.
But maybe I like
my life,
maybe I enjoy
writing,
or maybe
i'm just hoping,
putting on a mask
to put the world
at ease.
A mask that has no
eye holes.
Author notes
Patent Pending is an awesome group
I played with uppercasing of i here, if ya coulden't tell.
if ya can't figure out what the title means, I'll gladly inform you, I tried to make it kinda vague.
A contest entry
- Who Are You??? For BIG POINTS :) by GiftedPsychosis.
4000 points, ended May 23, 2007, 74 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I think you could have developed this more. It was just ok for me, and didn't really impress me.
Honestly, it makes me think of a poem the average teen would write.
I think this would have had more power had you gone more deep. This was too simple, and I didn't totally buy it. When it comes to writing emotion, you have to sell it.
This was just ok.
To make it better: More imagery, developed the metaphor better so it is stronger and leaves more of an impact at the end. Also, use bigger vocabulary words [thesaraus always comes in handy]. Also use a simile here and there. They are good for 'spicing' the poem up.
For what this is, I enjoyed it. -
The title was so clever and the poem as a whole was deep and beautiful
It really was a clever and interesting piece, with a sophisticated tone and many layers
Well done
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interesting write. When one finds themselves to be other than those they love dream for them, the path seems to be sometimes difficult and at other times a piece of self-indulgence but one can only live life as they see best regardless of others opinions.
~*Starr*~ xxx -
BETWEEN TWO WALL
MAYBE THE TWO WALL ARE WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTED YOU TO BE. ABOUT THE SAME WITH SHOES THE ONES THAT FIT FEEL MUCH NICER ON. YOU CAN ALWAYS PUT YOUR WN POLISH ON THEM AND LOOK JUST AS NICE AS THE OTHERS THAT DON'T FIT. MAYBE IN TIME SOMEONE WILL NOTICE.AND SEE WHO GREAT THEY DO LOOK ,I HOPE IN YOUR TIME. I'M SURE THEYHAD THE SAME PROBLEM YOU ARE HAVING AT ONE TIME. DID I HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD? -
It is vague. But I like the poem. I think I know what it means about you title. Very good write and good read. Best luck in the contest.
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life connections are very important in our lives, especially those from our parents for positive or otherwise, the painting is whats important, and thusly essence and meaning, and so the concept of self and just existing for existance sake is all the page really is, for even if you were locked in a room for all your life with only a pen and paper you would have scene a life of significant soul energy generation, a pathway, even if there are walls to others wills and hopes on either side, life is always blind....
anyways thanks for the breath
with rum
-jas
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I like this. Reads well and says a lot about your inner feelings of insecurity in trying to be something/someone that another person wants you to be. I really like your last 7 lines.
Good write!
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Good Job!
I really like this. It's sad, but I can tell that it's true. And I thank you and applaud you for your genuine feelings. I bet a lot of poeple can relate to this. I know that I can. Though I must say, even if you're not who he wants you to be, your father should be very proud. Your poetry is amazing. My favorite parts would have to be "I always dreamed of being something", and "A mask that holds no eye holes". A great beginning and a wonderful ending. Though I must say that you most definitely have become something. A great poet.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!
-GP & DF40
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