It's the torture of addiction
and all the bliss of indulgence
lighting up rolled cotton candy on the docks
eyes chained to the golden buttn, sinking
lower into your blouse, deeper into your horizon
encircled by a rash on your chest
pink sugar smoke staining the thin wall around your ribs
Pinch the hem of your skirt and drag it up
flashing me with ink'd religion and roses
Grab the strap of your bra pull it down
for a brief white thumb kiss on sunburn territory
Run that cracked and painted letter opener around your lips
to straighten up the chemical blood I want to kiss
It makes you look so damn pretty
I think to myself on a saccharine drag
what it would be like to watch you drown
all the turbulance of your colour, thrashing
My legs tighten on the anticipation of a fancy
to send me if my arms agree to the shove
and the look in your bunny eyes is so temptingly trusting too
The thought and tension slip away
with the seagulls and a puff of candy fog
The water off the dock isn't deep enough to drown in anyway
Author notes
this is rather different from what i usually write... but this is what your title and picture - added to a sunset out the window and a mogwai song - inspired.
take it as it is, i guess.
A contest entry
- The Clouds by Heart Sutra.
525 points, ended April 27, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Interesting imagery in this piece. The descriptions of an addictive atmosphere were very different than what I normally read and feel as though poems such as this one, to a point, give me a glimpse to a world I would otherwise never know.
In your first stanza, seems as though there are a few small edits with "butten" to "button" and "in to" might read slightly different with using "into" - though they are essentially the same in meaning. There were just a few small areas where it seemed as though it could be just a bit more tight, but your imagery pulls us in and has us interested in the outcome of the piece as poetry and story.
I'm going to wonder about that mogwai song now.
thanks for entering the contest and best of luck with the judging.
Kim
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wow.... very interesting and dark. very intense! *smiles*
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One thing I like about this poem is it shares a moment in time or a story shot. There are a lot of descriptive elements here and some whimsical sexy things too. It is creative and that is worth a lot in my opinion. Also, I really appreciate the sincerity of the piece.
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. I was kind of wrestling with it, in my mind. But it was, if nothing else, an experience to write.
Hope your contest turned out the way you'd hoped.
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wow
this is definitely not what you normally write, and yet at the same time its still you. i suppose its because you always do such fresh and sometimes shocking things that, although this was shocking, it still seem to fit. i like (okay, love) the imagery you used in this piece. lovely word choices and everything. ^_^ all in all, beautiful.
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well thank you dear.
it really is... and isn't me. the more i think about it... the more i question whether i like it or not. i really think this is the product of this long streak of strange dreams that i've been having for a while now. all very vivid in their imagery and all strange, some subtly disturbing... this poem, writing it and rereading it, gives me the same feeling i get when i wake up from one of those dreams...
blah blah blah.
thank you for your comment though. ^_~ -
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nah, i like it. its sad; but that could be me reaction to all the violence and sadness of this week. but i love it.
i'd be curious to know about these dreams. -
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we can talk about the dreams later, i guess. i've been thinking i should write them down, despite how vivid they are on their own. but yeah, maybe we'll chat about that after exams or something.
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it is deffaintly different from what I have read in the past but it is a good different. I do like it, it took me a couple of reads to let it sink in but I do like the images that you use in the poem.
Good Job. I wish you luck in the contest. -
"eyes chained to the golden butten, sinking "
--> button
strange poem. i read it a few times over and i thought that the sun was a woman's breasts and i saw some phaelic symbols in here, such as the thumb. the emotion is feminine. hence, i felt that maybe the female poet spotted her girlfriend and started to undress her and fondle her and enjoy her sexually. "bunny eyes" was awkward. i would have used a "sun imagery". this poem is explicit of the natural high that people experience in love making. -
This was a strong edgy write,
Took me a few reads and looking at the pix, then again who wants to be given the words and meaning so blantantly every time. Something to think about here. Good write.
Buddy
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lol. thank you. this is a strange poem, i certainly won't deny that. it was this strange picture in my head... :shrug:
thank you for reading it though. ^_~
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