a pensive mind locked up
a stain in this world
a rule made to be broken
the bleach on your clothes
the cloud in the shinny night
the crow eating your corn field
the worm inside the apple you eat
the nasty hair in your food
the one with the sadistic humor
the one with no limits on morbosity
the one that is no one
the one underneath your bed
the one weeping a tear day after day
the one over thinking useless things
the shine in the butchers knife
the one hidding with his long hair
the one betrayed by his own irony
the one who doesnt know who he is anymore
please tell me, who am i now?
Author notes
'Patent Pending is an awesome group'
A contest entry
- Who Are You??? For BIG POINTS :) by GiftedPsychosis.
4000 points, ended May 23, 2007, 74 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You're AP Name - Getting to know you! by Florida Sunshine.
450 points, ended May 17, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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And thus this is Lord Samael. Did I guess right? , that is, to answer your ending question.
I like the imagery of how you portrayed yourself as the nasty or irritating things in the lives of others. I do think it would make for a much better write in a different form and without the repetative use of a and the. Good luck in the contest. : -
Wow ~ I think you've shown the many sides to yourself. It's a cleaver write... I think you are what we all are... deep down inside ~ THANKS for entering my contest!
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Eh. Nice idea. It's nice that you have all of these different depths for you. It makes for very good creative thoughts. However, the way this is spaced and worded, I just can't seem to get into it.
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I think the repetition of "the one" and "the" in general is too excessive for my taste. The structure, I felt could have been handled better.
On a good note, I like the imagery you used; it is very original, in my opinion.
The ending was nice; let's see what Liberation of Sense has to say about it. Thank you for the entry. -
Good Job!
This is really awesome!! We like that you've come up with such creative, interesting descriptions for yourself - yet without truly describing yourself
Great Job! The shine in the butchers knife... that's really pretty original. Great luck to you in the contest and thanks for entering! DF & -GP
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thanks, i did try to make it deep, and not just make a description.
i think i went far deeper than that, but still, its me who im talking about in the poem!
thanks for the comment, and thanks for making this lovely contest.
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