This figure leans down
Bestows a single kiss
Perfect, cold, and flawless
Drown in mortal bliss
These figurines that dance around
Are fragile, shiny, dead.
Magnificent in dusted light
They twirl around your head
Bend down and blow another kiss
Like kisses made from glass
Leave you here, intrigued and cold
A feeling that will last.
Raised on glass alone,
You will never become steel.
Remaining fragile, you will break.
Glass affection isn’t real.
Flawless it may seem,
Yet under pressure you will break.
Shattering your heartless grace,
Revealing you are fake.
At least with steel you remain whole
Through scratched you may appear.
You shatter not until you melt
Out of pain for fear.
Glass kisses may be beautiful,
Perfect, cold, and small.
But lest you harden in your shell
Nothing soft can break your fall.
A contest entry
- Original Tears by I-Am-Custard.
600 points, ended April 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I'd say this needs stanza breaks, as it is it's just a wall of words which makes it a bit inaccessable to the reader. I feel this poem might work better in freeverse, there are some beautiful lines, but when it comes to rhyming themwith something the impact of them is lost.
'You will break' was used twice, and I think that repetition damaged the poem. I liked the idea of glass kisses, but you only really describe dthem as cold and fragile, but what about beautiful, and steel less so despite it's strength?
Thank you for entering, this needs a bit of editing but has a tremendous amount of potential. -
Nothing soft can break your fall ... what a pretty line. I like the whole poem, but that stood out to me and I love it. Good luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
