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Tart Treat

Mouse
nuzzles
fresh radish,
begins his meal,

feasts on tender root
unearthed for him to savor.
A hint of earthly flavor
helps mask the tartness.

Mouse scurries off.
What remains?
Only
leaves.

Author notes

Always intrigued by new forms, I had to give it a try. Hope you like

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • shewalksintomine gold member
    April 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You know, I can't believe I haven't noticed that you have written a whole bunch since my last visit. I feel ashamed, really. It's all good though, right?


  • Arkbear gold member
    April 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Adorable Picture ~

    Perfect syllable count ~

    Adorable story ~

    The cutest of all pictures!

    Left aligned is fine, so no pts.

     deducted for that of course ~

    Lovely Title ~

    I do feel that the 2nd & 3rd stanzas could have been

    formed a bit better with different choice of grammtical

    placement to clean up the structures aesthetic eye appeal,

    so 1.5 pts. deducted for that ~

    This structure is meant to have a certain

    beauty about it, and you did a great job ~

    ....but just watch out for your presentaion ~

    However...a lovely entry My Dear ~

    Bear ~

  • Arkbear gold member
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for such a colorful entry ~

    Thank you so much for your entry ~

    I will review your entry for certain criteria

    expected from this contest ~

    If you do not hear back from me within

    12 hours of the contest deadline, you

    should not have anything to worry about,

    as long as EVERYTHING in the

    RULES have been followed ~

    I will review syllable count many times,

    AND, if there is/are any line/s missing a syllable/s,

    I will let you know only ONCE!

    I am looking forward to reviewing your entry ~

    However, Judging will NOT take place until

    closing of this contest, therefore,

    I will TRY not to read the Theme

    or Storyline until that time.....however,

    .....sometimes I get tempted to break

    my own rules and take a peek ~

    SMILE...God loves YOU! 

    The best of luck to you in this contest!

    Sincerely,

    Bear ~


  • Arkbear gold member
    April 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for such a colorful entry ~

    Very Nice ~