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Wonderland

So this is your bed time story?

Relaxing your soul within the curiosity of trepidation

 

I see your eyes glaze over with pure desire

As I tantalise you with the seduction of this tale

Offering you unseen delights

I whisper words into your ears

Causing you, to smile

 

So this is your bed time story?

The one that drifts you off into your wonderland

Opening the door to impractical reality

Welcoming your thirst of creativity

 

Is this your bedtime story?

 

Author notes

laura28
They lived happily [n]ever after"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • Darkened Seraph
    September 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i always knew that story had a hidden ending a excelent write and one that desrved the two shinies it got well done mum i loved the basic repeat/edit of the first line it added a lot to the effect


  • Heartbeatsxfading
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this bby

    Best part was:

    "Opening the door to impractical reality

    Welcoming your thirst of creativity"

    It desribes dreams perfectly =]

    gl.


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Dark and very Good

    Dark and very very good indeed. Great imagery and flow to the piece. Keep writing, you are very good.

    All the best
    Wayne


  • michellemybelle gold member
    May 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    unique and creative darker version of this story, with great flow and vocabulary
    well deserved gold, good luck on another gold, although you don't need luck, you have a gift.
    best always,
    Michelle


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    woah, this is really cool, i love the picture too, definately a darker version of the contest, and i think, the darker poems were better, so this one is really good, and great picture. i love it!

    God Bless,
    OnlyInMyDreams


  • Edna Sweetlove
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A bit too gentle for my perverse tastes. A bit more filth would be nice. Well written but why the comma in line 7?


    • Laura
      May 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      i think chris shouted at someone for asking that it is there because i wanted a slight pause between the words to highlight the smile ... mad i am yep but i like it so there lol xxx


    • Laura
      April 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      arhhh now that would be to cause a pause, to enhance the fact that it caused a smile..plus i liked the way it sounded with a comma lol


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great job!this piece is sooooooooooo good! excellent write! I am not at all surprised that this piece won a gold trophy! thank you sooo much for entering! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!




    -Steve-


  • Sacrificial Love
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo Sis....

    You should not dare to be surprised you won gold...
    You utilized your vast vocabulary....
    and put this together like a true poetess Queen

    Great write
    and Congratulations...

    xoxo
    Heidi


  • Dark Whispers
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you really did deserve that gold trophy for it is a really really really nice poem. thanks for entering


  • Deliverance
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Many congrats on gold, very much deserved in my not so humble opinion
    I did say last night that this was my favorite of yours.
    I'm good arent I? lol


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Now where the hell does this Alice come from?? You turned the sweet little girl into a tart...I dont know about you woman..lol
    This was very good..and a very good take on the pic..It is kind of eery looking at it.
    Great job and I hope you do well in the contest.
    Soulful Woman


  • Speaking in Tongues
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh yes, I do love this, I think it's great... thank you so very much for the entry. Great word choice.


  • PerVirtuous
    April 18, 2007

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    I will be waiting at the eighth square to make you a queen... don't take too long... three bunnies for this.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    strange but wonderful with some hidden meanings in it i think. a wonderful write keep writing and ill try and comment all of them


  • Blueskywonder
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This Is eerily strange but a wonderful take on alice, you are sooo good at painting these type of pictures laura... your use of language exeptional. Well done laura and thankyou for sharing.


  • Whoochi gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ewwwwwwww chilling here my dear, poor Alice in that pic, kinda had be feeling doomed for whatever reason, but then again, could be me...lol....good job my fav British Biachy!


  • BlackBlackHeart
    April 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    interesting interpretation


  • xxxcutie5
    April 17, 2007
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    very creative , i like it alot


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Such a novel way to interpret this picture - bedtime story indeed! Liked the flow and the unusual take on this pic for the contest.


  • Spiritvision angel
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have created a write once a fantasy story into what the worlld seems to be these days with murders and horror.. Creative use of the picture. Great write


  • deep space
    April 17, 2007

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    thanks for the therapy

    This is a great mind excersizer,massaging the fantasy in us all.Thanks for this therapy its great,in fact I feel better already for reading it,best wishes


  • kathy1967
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very Dark!!

    Alice in Bloody Wonderland or what?? lol, lol,
    I Love it!! I love it!! and I love it!! This
    is so very Awesome!! you are so very talented!
    I love every single line in this deep ane very
    dark piece of writing. Well done my dear friend.


  • Zephyr Aryn
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's a pretty good poem. I was just wondering-why is there a comma in the second verse between "you" and "to"? It still works without it.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    April 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like it! I agree with Quoth. Just do us a favor and please remain a bloodly strange person!


  • Deliverance
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write, sort of a metaphor for the picture... Or the other way round.
    Darkly written with a sense of foreboding about it, makes me feel sort of uneasy reading it.
    You bloody strange person lol
    I mean like a horror film but more subtle, a suspense thriller.
    Good write to make me feel like that.

1 - 28 of 28