Twisted, broken and bleeding too.
I ask you, why did you do it?
Laugher echoed through the room, sinister and remorseless just like you.
Crimson seeping through your clothes, pooling in a morbid lake.
Twisted, broken and bleeding too.
Guns and chains fall around you.
Thirty-two bodies, unrecognizable, bleeding and blending together as one.
Voices of the dead asking of you, why did you kill us? What did we do?
Twisted, broken and bleeding too.
Your expression was cold and free of guilt.
One more time I ask why, for everyone who didn’t try.
Your smile faded, laughter stopped.
I don’t know you said.
That isn’t enough.
A gun was pulled and pointed at me.
But it wasn’t I who was shot, it was you unregretfully
Goodbye shooter.
So long and goodnight.
Author notes
For all the victims and the families of the VA Tech shooting.
I didn't write this for only me. It was to get out what I needed to say I guess...but...I don't know. I just needed to write it but mostly...it's dedicated to the families.
On another note- This is an attempt at freestyle...not sure how I did but...
A contest entry
- Remember Those Murdered at Virginia Tech by jaie2007.
425 points, ended April 18, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best #2 (pre-writes allowed) by The Void.
415 points, ended April 18, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Original Tears by I-Am-Custard.
600 points, ended April 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything !! ( a truthwriter's contest ) by sweethelper.
300 points, ended April 22, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i really like this poem it's kinda like mine, keep writing
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An attempt at free-verse? First, I would try putting in hints of rhyme, even if it's only visual ('reply' and 'slowly') to make it a bit more poetic. I would also get rid of the two lines format, it makes it 'bitty' and cut off on the words that want emphasizing rather than at the end of each sentence.
I don't like that 'too' in that repeated line, it turns it into an after thought rather than a major feature.
'un regretfully' is one word.
For one of your first tries this isn't bad. Thank you for entering. -
I really really really like this poem lol best one I seen so far tonight.. you have a talent,,,this poem was so dark and freaky hope you keep writing I think im going to add you to my favorites lol you are an amazing writer keep it up
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the last 2 lines ended this poem in an interest way. this was a really nice write. thanks for entering.
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i love it :
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Descriptive, harsh, brutal and honest!!
"Goodbye Shooter" is raw anger and fire!! I loved it! As much love and prayer we need to offer the victims, we need to dish contempt and rage at their killer! No sympathy for this creature! I won't call it human, because human mean h-u-m-a-n-i-t-y first! Just like Columbine, just like Jonesboro, and just like the mall in Utah months ago, human beings don't wage war on innocent kin! Your poem struck with such outrage! Hard-hitting lines, blunt and honest words!! Thank you for submitting this piece! I agree the same as you do. Goodbye, fucking shooter!!!!
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