Between her hair his fingers linger,
without any hurry in his mind
he affects her like a slow teaser.
Between her hair his fingers linger
yet, along the night he gets closer,
to hear her breathing as a soft wind.
Between her hair his fingers linger,
without any hurry in his mind.
Her curves, shaped under the sheet,
call his fingers to trace new lines.
There he feels a sudden wave of heat-
her curves, shaped under the sheet.
And until dawn, he wants to repeat
this ritual that makes them shine.
Her curves, shaped under the sheet,
call his fingers to trace new lines.
In a list
A contest entry
- A Macandrew Triolet contest by macandrew.
375 points, ended April 18, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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New lines. That is the thing...tracing new lines...I'm serious here, that is what helps keep love alive...that we want to create and re-trace them...always finding the beauty, not matter how often we follow those lines. It's really that simple isn't it? Don't reply, I have a feeling you disagree.
Who am I kidding, you didn't read this comment.
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Thanks for the time you spent reading (re-reading) and re-commenting on all those poems!
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Beautiful like a song that one would listen to over and again...a memorable lines in the repeating refrain... very expressive and the change in meaning is wonderful...h
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excellent~
I like the repetition in this poem...
Beautiful and sensual at the same time
Perfectly penned once again sis
Hugs
Susan~~~
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i unique way of presentation here for the triolet, i like it
next time i psot one i might nick the idea lol i have a few triple and quadruple ones i have recently written )
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this is so wonderful.. so real.. thank u
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there is this moment in intimacy, that when it's perfect, on person can stay at the slightest distance away to study the other - the curves, the way the shadows fall, how a room can frame their body... that is what this poem reminded me of - so perfect in its verses and the imagery presented.
- lovely lovely piece...
Kim
thanks also for your kind words earlier on my poem.
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Thank you
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Beautiful
Simply smooth soft sweet sensual script.
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I guess icons don't show unless I add a word?
word
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Repeated lines pretty much preclude the natural progression of time.... (a rule with exceptions) So capturing a moment or repetitive movement or image and distilling a feeling is one of the best applications for the Triolet. And indeed you did a very lovely job of capturing a moment and a feeling.
Rainbows,
~RJ~
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Brings to mind a few lingering fingers of my own...
Hugs...Eddy
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I agree with Yemassee 100 percent. That boy's a genius.
And I think you got what you wanted out of it btw, some may not understand but without the subdued tempo you chose, you wouldn't have expressed what I know you intended...not all desire is a grab and mug, sometimes it's meant to last...think Carly Simon's song "Anticipation." You don't rush over sensuous curves, you go slow, you memorize.
BTW, comment #1400
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The final triolet in this group was excellent. You nailed the form and presented a most enjoyable read.
thanks for entering.
John -
wow... beautiful and sensual. very, very well written!
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Oh, how beautiful and I think Yem said so much with his comments, I don't know what to add, but that you do have such a beautiful way, this is sensual and gentle and it does capture the 'moment' and your poem is like a sigh. You took this form and made it breathe within and around your words, oh you!
I wish you good luck in the contest and it is so good to read you again!
Your touch is so gentle with your poetry and so alive and lovely as well!
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I'm bookmarking this so i can come back to it, this was beautiful.
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What a very beautiful and sensual poem you have written here sweet mommers Especially the emotional effects that linger from syllable to syllable reminded me on how I learned to know your poetry
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Beautiful as usual
You have a way of expressing your thoughts. Makes for some very intriguing poetry. However, with this one I feel you were a bit restricted by the form. What you've penned is quite magnificent, but I think you didn't get what you wanted from it.
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Has all the hallmarks of mariGoes poetry. The calm sensuality, the understated emotions, the romantic feel...not that all your poetry is like this, not at all, but this is a good example of this type that you do write.
You capture moments in almost everything you write, that's your thing, like that frame poem (which should have won a trophy!) It's interesting how people's poems differ, anyway, you capture moments and emotions like a camera...your a lens Lady Mariza. )
I think it's beautiful, you have shown us that feeling...if we've forgotten you remind us.
And most of all...you describe desire but show the beauty of it...how it isn't always frantic and exhausting, but also beautifully controlled.
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You are the master of encouraging comments, thanks for this one
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word (shows up invisible unless I add some test)
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