A dank and musty reek
drip…drop;
incessant.
As slimy-smooth rocks
lick my knees
and moss tickles my palms.
My weary limbs and soiled skin
gasp for sunrays,
and yen relief from
the fight.
The ticks and breaths
seem blank in the
pitch-damp,
as my movements echo
again,
and again…
Still, my blurred vision
ponders for a diamond
and urges the Sun
to cease the game of
hide and seek.
Author notes
Depending on whether you read it literally or metaphorically you may get a slightly different meaning. Either way every fight should end with a sunny sigh.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Okey, this is weird... I started reading this the metaphorical way and caught myself ending it in the literal one
and I didn't even notice where I changed that view on your poem?!
Anyway, I like it
It's not the best that I've read from you but I'm still at the early beginning...
Really, constellations keeps on skipping through my mind - the impact that poem gave me is really, really something to be proud of
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Thanks...
When I wrote constellations it was a quick thing I'm I'm still not 100% sure I like it. I only posted it for the contest (then decided to see what comments people would give.) I'm glad you liked it though. -
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Well... don't ever change 'constellations'
honestly - it belongs in a book
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Boy, this really brought me back in time to when I was a child and after a fight! All of the sensations came back to me...
The five sense were vividly portrayed through your poem from the, "A dank and musty reek", the "As slimy-smooth rocks", "My weary limbs and soiled skin", "as my movements echo again, and again", to Still, my blurred vision ponders for a diamond".
It can also be interpreted metaphorically as how one feel struggling through life as well. Very nicely done! -
This is amazing I loved the imagery. I could just see myself in a cave or a pothole trying to crawl out. Gorgeous write. Well done.
xXxPurexXx
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I like the meaning of 2 side of the same coin, I read both ways just to see which one I would like better, i like them bothe equally.
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Wonderful again
I like the flow of this. Again this is wonderful writing, at it's best. I like the metaphors as well. Very very beautiful writing indeed.
Wayne
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I liked how this had a literal feel to it and a metaphorical sense to it. Great job. well done. I love how most of your poetry has a real sense of hope and positive energy throughout. Thank you for sharing. Peace and light, Kendal
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Very nice flow, very awesome literal meaning, I will go back and read it metaphorically in minute aswell. AS it truely amazed me with the one meaning. I feel it was brillantely done!!!
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Oh I like this, beautiful flow. I had to read it outloud it sounded so good. Great visuals as well.
My weary limbs and soiled skin
gasp for sunrays
and yen relief from
the fight.
Wonderfully written, a grand piece!
Hugs, Kelly
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whoa
i like it...its goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood...I think this word arrangement is fantastic and fascinating at the same time...I read it metaphorically and I think that is exactly how it should be read...you get a great feel for what you are trying to say here....Simply Wonderful! Keep it up! -
A very imaginative piece, abundant with vivid, rich images that engage the reader's senses, and yet suggestive and subtle...
good writing!
best,
rachel
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