there is a profound quiet;
a beautiful and meaningful silence
like the absent sound of falling snow
or the ebbing splendor
of westward sun
bowing to twilight
and shadowed horizon
it finds me at times,
when I am willing to seek
its latent wisdom
or perfecting solace
it takes me in
like the embrace of mists
risen from the face
of a soundless loch
I am restrained by its nobility,
taught by its transcendence,
drawn by its withholding,
enthralled by its mystery,
and enriched by its presence...
Author notes
Option 2 B. Inspired by "silence".
In a list
- Silent Passage • next in list
- VERY FAV poems by Everwind Rising • next in list
- Nature Inspired • next in list
A contest entry
- Speak to me in poetic form and tell me about silence by W B Burkholder.
300 points, ended April 17, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Title: Just Come Have a Look by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended July 5, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Senseless (1): Silence by x Gemini x.
300 points, ended June 2, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Gold" this time by Virgoan.
550 points, ended June 6, 2007, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How did this piece affect you? Favorite/least favorite part? Constuctive critisizm is welcome.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Your third line was a prosaic wonder, quite visual and palpable. Indeed, the solitude of a single snowflake, absent of sound is a remarkable thing. Congratulations on your various trophies, my Friend. 
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Instinct drew me to this piece,
sensing the mastery awaiting.
Your words never disappoint.
Aesthete
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I am speechless in awe with the simplistic beauty of this piece. There are no words to express the depth of wonder and effect that it has had. I am keeping this one bookmarked permanently so that I may come back to it over and over
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I think you did a great job! good luck to ya in the contest!
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I am extremely bewildered as I read the lines. Very good on the word usage and the flow that is so wonderful.
My favorite lines:
I am restrained by its nobility,
taught by its transcendence,
drawn by its withholding,
enthralled by its mystery,
and enriched by its presence...
Brilliant!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~
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Outstanding.
Beautiful phrasing: the absent sound of falling snow;
ebbing splendor/of westward sun/bowing to twilight;
and the entire last 5 lines are gorgeous.
The title fits well.
I really love this piece.
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Thank you for entering my contest.
My my! What a good peice.
I like how you made silence feel like a person....always there, with advice and comfort, but magestic, none the less.
Great word usage and imagery. Anagolies were fantastic.
Nice flow.
Job well done
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I think you need to make that first line more of a feature somehow, as by the end of the poem I had forgotten what it was actually about. Or perhaps you could bring the subject of all that description back in halfway through, I don't know, the subject just needs to be made clearer, the poem just feels like it's describing something nameless as it stands.
I'm also not sure about your line cut-offs, they make it read someone like a flowery shopping list rather than a poem, it's freeverse, so use that and cut off where you want the words most emphasized, and try being a bit more created with your punctuation to add more rhythm.
Thank you for entering this, with some minor changes this could be brilliant. -
Wow you were right this is very good. Reminds me of a place where i go to just think. Where you can just let everything go and just be. Great write.
ro
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It is not often that the words of poetry can hold my attention on their own. You have. Many have been the times that I have looked through eyes that see what you have put down here, and once more I see the serenity and tranquility that you have brought to life. THank you for this gift.
Sylvyr
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Oh Brian this is just beautiful! You have penned such calming poetic words to create a magnificient poem. Congratulations on the silver So very well deserved!
Gaylene
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I want to go there!
Oh, Everwind, this SO makes me want to get alone and seek it. Really, to just be still. Just to absorb. Wow. When I read this poem I was in a room FILLED with loud noise. Lots of background TV noises plus the voices of all my family speaking over it. But your words, your pen stilled me. I felt the silence swell, but from within, with each passing verse. By the end I was overwhelmed with the deepest desire to go get by myself and just be still and know. So that's what I did. I am here now listening for it, seeking it, nearly oblivious to the carefully hushed pecking of my fingers against my keyboard.
So many vibrant metaphors of silence!!!! I continue to be in awe of the wealth that comes from within you. I am, of course, fully convinced it is there, yet each time I see something new and beautiful, it is so profound that it is shocking.
"sound of falling snow"--that instantly gripped me. I can hear it (not) even now. I had absolutely never considered the non-sound of the snow. The silence falls and settles upon all distraction, covering it, at least for a time, with its equalizing, white quiet. Delightful.
"ebbing splendor of westward sun bowing" depicts a silence so graceful and majestic, something so indubitably powerful lending out its silent throne for a time.
I love how you say it finds you when you are willing to seek.
"it takes me in like the embrace of mists risen from the face of a soundless loch" my favorite metaphor of silence because it is so unexpected. Mists from a loch, embracing me? Who would have imagined? Only Everwind. ERRE! I love the idea of the mists and that word "loch." They add such tangible mystery and mood to the stanza.
What can I say about that marvelous final stanza? It was simply the most magnificent crescendo imaginable! The structure you impose re-asserts the power of silence--and your phrasing, perfection!!! Each coupling of words are exactly suited for one another. They are all my favorites, but I think I like "drawn by its withholding" because it says the most to me on a personal level. That one I can completly identify with. Love it!
The thought of being "enriched" by the presence of something that is not there is baffling, but so perfectly true, because it is latent, as you described earlier.
I am wondering about the title. Did you mean it to have sort of a double/triple meaning? "Passage" as in a passageway--a means of getting to where you need to be (kind of like a portal) and "passage" as in passing from one condition into another? THat is awesome. A third meaning comes to mind, and this is the most genius of all. I think of the idea of a passage, or a portion, taken from a book. A passage of scripture, a passage of text, or in this case, a passage of poetry, and in particular, a passage of poetry about silence--thus, a passage of silence. Has anyone told you that you rock? Such richness in two little words! That is true genius, Everwind!
My only suggestion has to do with the word "absent" in line three. Why did you feel it was necessary? In the rest of the poem, I felt like you presented silence as an entity, a sound, yes, but one without reverberation. Silence is presence of quiet, not an absence of sound. Definitely a presence, not an absence. I like the way absence sounds in the line and it helps portray your meaning since this is your first metaphor in the poem and it serves as sort of an introduction to what is to come, but I think the line could stand with out "absent" and would better describe the silence with out it.
An amazing piece of work! Masterful. Congrats on the MUCH deserved trophy.
Next time you go seeking, will you take me with you?
ten thousand cicadas
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This was an excellent piece of work, I am glad tht youentered it in my contest, keep writing, and well done, Bravo
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wondefully penned piece here would love tohave you as a guest poet...http://www.freewebs.com/nirvanasgate/index.htm
please let me know
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