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Ugly beautiful.. story of my life

Emotional trauma hiding inside
Behind past regressions
The desire to be beautiful
As he lies and makes you feel like nothing
The taunting and the tourture continue growing
As you fear that in the end no one will wonder
Why you wear a smile
but inside you can feel the hurt growing
Increasing more each day

Over and over you hear him say
"Fat cow! you're so ugly"
So you think of ways to stop the pain
No more food will mean no more pain
But you still hear his words
You still feel UGLY

As you lie in your room and tears stream down your face
What did you do to deserve such a thing?
To hate his own child
Are you to blame?
The torture and torment are driving you insane

You wonder how could anyone love
A thinglike you
You're not pretty, you're a fool
So you think of the next best thing
You look around for the sharpest object
A knife, glass, a razorblade
To pull away the flesh and create a new pain
And take your mind off of everything

It's as  if it's an addicton
Solving problems for everything
Temporarily soothing
To see the oxidized veins
The crimson crime that you have commited
Shown by the story on your arm that you have written

But if you do this are you actually beautiful?
Are you acomplising your goals
To suffer from anerexia and being a cutter at once?

REHAB
the place where they took you
Even though they really didn't care
To see you simply die there
They told you you were ugly again
Was that the purpose behind their master plan
But now you will show them that
You are better than them
You aren't ugly
You are BEAUTIFUL




Author notes

a combination of two of the options for this contest based on real life...♥ NO PRE-WRITES FOR THIS OPTION Write about the suffering behind an eating disorder, or addiction to cutting/some other form of self harm. I do NOT want 'The blade slices up my flesh' or 'Bones pushing past skin'. I want how you FEEL. Talk abut the shame, the struggle, not the acts.

& this one

♥ NO PRE-WRITES FOR THIS OPTION Write about the suffering behind rape, domestic violence, child abuse and any other form of abusive behavior. Again, I do not want a simple narrative of what happened, please tell me how it's left you feeling

unfortunatley my life hasn't been too peacy but whos hasn't. This is basically a narritive of how life has been for me since i was little. called fat and ugly teased and tormented then stopped eating for a while then starting cutting all seeking for a way to find the way out of the HELL..
then being sent to rehab.. how fun.. but now my goal is to overcome what they have told me and let my past be my past and be a better person.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • starving-to-survive
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is very intense. I can relate to ever word of this. I also suffer from anorexia and self harm (cutting and burning etc) so i can really understand wher you are coming from here. This is so full of emotion. I love it.
    I am so sorry you have to go through such pain but if you ever need tot alk i am here for you


  • SarahEatsAirplane
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this just made me go whoah.!

    this has so much raw emotion, it just makes me want to cry.

    I'm there, where my father hates me... Sigh.

    but i loved how well you put hose feelings into words, its much better than I have ever done.


  • forbidden-colour
    July 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "As he lies and makes you feel like nothing"

    Been there!

    Wonderful piece here hun.

    Thank you for entering and sorry for not commenting on this straight away as I haven't been in reach of access with a computer!

    Best of luck!


    Sophie.x.

  • XweXareXbrokenX
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was a really great piece...so full of emotion and despair...i loved how you ended it though...we are really the only ones that can make ourselves feel beautiful no one else can label that for us...great piece i loved it thanks for entering and good luck in the contest

    XchaotiXdisasterX


  • bigXfatXemo
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    So sad

    I was really upset to read this, I'm sorry you've had to cope with so much that it fitted two options. It was really well put across, I myself am a 'cutter', and also have what is appartently Bulimia, so I really mean it when I say you're not alone.

    Rehab must have been horrible, but I'm so pleased it caused the last line of your poem. Beauty really is somthing more that rib cages and crimson lines, and you expressed that so well. All the very best to you hun, and good luck in the contest =]

    xXx


  • xtremerockfreak5
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    no wonder you entered and may of won the scholarship this poem is proof enough that you have the ablity to be a awesome writer and go far in that busines

1 - 6 of 6