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Bobbing, fluorescent...
Hot pink, electric blue nylon
Wing, waves, slight breeze...
Sunset, Albatross eyeing the
situation. Always looking out for
a lazy moment to preen and one leg.
Spanning the remnants of music
and water. I can vaguely hear
a blow-hole off in the distance.
If I was not so hypothermic, and disoriented.
Treading for my life. I bet I
could even imagine how its spray
might feel; If my saturation currently
was instead a desert, a dune, a Gila
monster's paradise, and me-oh-my-oh was not
so awash with thirst, and sun burnt laziness.
Is that a dingy dinging?
The bark of a sea lion?
The fin of a Maiko shark?
When I last hugged a tree?
It was for dear life.
I had been on peyote for days,
and I was convinced that if
I squeezed hard enough.
It would pull me in.
For good.
Current, riptide, undertow.
All fine examples of secret movement.
Moon, blood, women.
Yes, I'm awake now. More bright
eyed and bushy tailed than that
hare, who shunned holes for pipes,
and slippers, and drumsticks.
Fast, but not proud.
Warm milk spoiled.
Cycles, poles, reproduction.
In my past life, I was a square
boulder from Mu.
Then some surly native went and carved
me into a giant head with
exaggerated ear lobes and lips.
Doomed to fall face first.
I did.
iacmusic.com/songs.aspx?SongID=14255&ArtistID=9993
Author notes
If you want to hear the song go to this link
www.mp3.com.au/track.asp?id 76756
iacmusic.com/songs.aspx?SongID 14255&ArtistID=9993
troubadour
Written July 17th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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i liked it alot and a lot to like it for it was long but i read it anyhow this was good and i cant say i hate it great luck in my contest
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I've read this before, a long time ago, and enjoyed it then, enjoying it now. It seems take on a little different perspective with the music. Yep, I listened to it
I especially like the last stanza... good metaphores throughout this fine piece, Jeremi
luv and
Dee
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I miss John Denver. He was a fantastic songwriter and poet. He used to be with the Chad Mitchell trio before going solo, and he was outstanding then. he only got better with age.
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hmn.... let me think....
Inuyasha -
Great
Unusual way with words, stranger things have happened and guess what I understand them. Very good poem fine tribute to those days of John Denver and Rocky Mountain High. I get it. -
very cool
This is an AWESOME poem. I mean, awesome. (And an awesome song.) I love the imagery. This poem is deep, really deep. I can't really think of what to say because I am just at a loss for words. This has got to be one of the best poems I've read on AP. I would applaud it twice if I could. -
what soul!
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"Then some surly native went and carved
me into a giant head with
exaggerated ear lobes and lips.
Doomed to fall face first."
Very strong conclusion. I like the idea of the poem and the journey you made with it. It is wrapped tightly with this ending.
mary
I did.
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Great job on this..Beautifully done, thanks for sharing this, I will be looking forward to more from you soon. keep it up and never stop writing.
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awesome
very detailed,great visual aid,great job and effort. -
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but I read a little bit of contempt in here for dear old Mr. Denver... LOL... thought he was a blow-hole! LMAO
I loved the line about the albatross and the allusion to Coleridge and his Ancient Mariner's tale.
Yeah, he was in those Rocky Mountains getting high, but not on life. I also like the reference to his plastic surgery in the last stanza. He sure didn't leave the earth with the face he was born with.
I wish I could applaud this more than once. It is probably the best poem I have read yet on this site. -
Very well done I throughly enjoyed the read!!
Unique vivid... wonderful imagery "Hot pink, electric blue nylon
Wing, waves, slight breeze...
Sunset, Albatross eyeing the
situation." Very well done Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors
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did you listen to the song?
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albatross
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This was extemely well-written! Definitly a thinking poem, very beautiful.
Good luck! -
great
i liked it it had very good imagry, great job, -
very interesting piece here in all the imagery and descriptions you have to choose from. I got kinda lost at a couple of them and couldn't really see any relation to an object or myself rather than one of yourself specifically. Good emotion in this and good luck!
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this was pretty interesting to read.. Good luck in the contest.
Yvonne
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Dear TrueBlues,
thank you, if you go to the author's comments
you can click on the link, and hear the song,
Enjoy and merry christmas. -
Click the link, hear the song.
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I loved this horus, your poetry has so much imagery! So many colorful words.And your poetry is never narcissistic! never conceited at all! I love what you do with your poetry and you are a very talented adult. Im 13 but i really think that Some aduly poetry isn't good at all and doesn't come from the heart.
Keep up the great writing! comment my poems i promise to comment yours!
-H.Trueblues -
good job i really liked it keep up the good work,
L8ter,
Jess -
I should probably listen to the song but the speakers on my computer don't work
So, going in cold.
Nice use of crazy description; imagery is fun. Nice flow, rhythm, things along those lines. Rhetoric makes reader think, and reader needs to think. Thinking gives your brain exercise.
Nice write.
Cheers,
~Tal~ -
A good trip for me
This is some crazy shit and I love it. This one really flows and brings me right to that place that is so surreal yet so familiar. -
Well this write certainly made me think! I enjoyed the Easter Island reference as some of the other readers did...Thank you for entering!
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wow, i listened to the song- and the lyrics,
WONDERFUL -
peyote..wicked stuff. i tried it once. puked my guts out and then saw the freakiest shit imaginable.
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Hm, I like the song. Coincidentally I wrote a poem called Shuttup John Denver. Odd.
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Thanks for entering this in my contest! This was a tiny bit long for me..However, it was well worth the read--for example, the descriptions of certain things gave this an overall surreal mood--which is amazing, because it can be difficult to make someone feel something like that. Good luck!
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You need a real player.
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Well, I couldn't get the song to work... I guess I am still not computer literate... but the poem/song really gives the reader that weightless feeling, like you are bobbing in water, or one's life flashing before their eyes. I could see the allusions to Dear John. I just bought his greatest hits... I was not allowed to listen to him when I was a kid... because he did not care for Jehovah's Witnesses, I was told... and, anyway, buying his album was my own small rebellion... anyway, I like the whole trippy feeling of this, and I find your allusions to be clever and insightful.
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Did you listen to the song in the author's comments?
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Another great poem. I've always loved your writes. Nicely done.
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Dawn, I'm so lonely... And...Desperate, will you and my other fellow Christians pray for me?
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this was a very cool write indeed and yes i too had smile at the end regarding Easter Island ... heck there are worse fates than that !
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Yeah I would like to hear the song but my speakes aren't working right, can you fix them!
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good
Now I ask you to pick yourself up and wipe off your pants and choose happiness. Don't let anyone come in your way. You can do it.
Thank you for sharing such a moving poem.
God is blessing you
With Christian Love,
DAwn -
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I see your words as a surgence; not forced or flowing, but more likely PURGED from you...Do you stuggle more to refrain/maintain than to find? I imagine you do...Been wrong enough plenty enough, but you have a serious talent, SpunaMan(hehehe)and I love your work. Pure raw un-a-mutherlovin-dalterated talent! k, that's it, on to the next head fck...
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Great imagery. I loved the vivid detail in this. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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We all must think occasionally, and some times it's better to sit back and just read and pretend it's not important to figure everything out all the time.
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applaud
Truly isn't like any write I've ever read... your use of writes is interestly captured and yet captivating all in the same sense.. You think a lot differently then an average person... I guess one can say that's what makes this piece truly unique! LOL!!! I honestly find it random thoughts put together, but what fun would a write be if they all made sense and didn't leave the reader left thinking??? Take care of yourself ~Star -
great
I think this needs alot of work its not real terribly bad but personally I wouldnt call it good at all -
Blah. Let's start over. Great poem. Awesome imagery. Very thought-provoking. I loved it. Great job.
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This is a trippy weird random poem with a lot of trippy weird random imagery with provoked a lot of trippy weird random thoughts. In my world, that's the biggest compliment you could get from me. Awesome job. Thank you for entering and good luck.
~Anastasia -
This one made me laugh at the end
swirly trippy stuff
pulled out of the veggie compartment
with your eyes closed
after you've been gone a couple of weeks
and need a fucking salad in the worst possible way. -
this is a really good poem but I think it needs alittle bit of work to make it all like it should No disrespect to you or anything keep writing and always share yourpoetryfriend
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I'm a fan of your work and this doesn't disappoint. I wish i knew who John Denver was, though whether or not it would enhance my enjoyment of the poem I don't know. I'm just a curious cat. Your poems are always so twisty and bright and fighting for breath or space or warmth or something. Whatever it is, it leaves an impression. I'll be recommending this gets into the top 5.
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Revolver
Ahh, now this is refreshing. Isn't it a lovely accomplishment to string words together that have never been adjacent to one another? Honestly, there were a few spots in here where I had no clue what you were talking about, but it doesn't matter, for I know Gila is pronounced with an "H". And shrooms'll do that to ya. -
descriptive
your work is very descriptive to say the least.you paint a good picture with the words you chose.good luck -
Another vivid poem from your pen....and a very good one You seem to have a wonderful imagination and so far all of your poems have been skillfully created.
Dee
Edited on Jan 04, 10:47 p.m. because ''. -
a rocky mountain low for sure.....I wonder at his thoughts during that brief freefall, was it the wright thing to do.....and did he take one long last look at the sunshine on his shoulder....ahhh, well dying diminishes all of us with it's selfishness....peace...to you....Artis
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Oh horus, welcome bud hope you like the site i am well pleased to have a comrade on here
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Interesting piece. Great imagery... very unique. Your closing stanzas have a great sound to them. The piece overall bring about imagery in a way that brings contemplation to me as to where one might stand in life and putting things into perspective. The last with the "exaggerated ear lobes and lips..." gave a sign of humor that I couldn't help the slight smile that came about.
Nicely done. Again, thanks also for the earlier critique.
Kimmie
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