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Can you try?

              I see a sun in your eyes
          You see a moon in mine
      I see red seduction in your lips
You see black nothing in mine

I know I wasn't meant to love you
      But I don't know what to do
          I can't explain this feeling
              And I can't go on without telling

              You knew I like you
          But do you know that I love you?
      In this little paper in my hand
Is something that need to be said

"Boy, I love you
      I don't care if you don't
          Because this feelings that I feel for you
            Can't be stopped nor be ignored
                  All I'm asking you is this
                      Can you at least try to love me too?"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • DrkPoet silver member
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such heartfelt feelings throughout this entire poem, and I really like how you have it lined up on the page kinda confusing like the situation your describing. Thanks for entering

  • ms. kitty kat
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVE this poem. these lines really reached out to me:

    Boy, I love you
    I don't care if you don't
    Because this feelings that I feel for you
    Can't be stopped nor be ignored
    All I'm asking you is this
    Can you at least try to love me too?"

    Great job! so full of emotion. Keep up the good work. look forward to reading more of your work


  • Shapla
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "Boy, I love you
    I don't care if you don't
    Because this feelings that I feel for you
    Can't be stopped nor be ignored
    All I'm asking you is this
    Can you at least try to love me too?"

    I just loved the last stanza. This is really really nice.


  • infernalxfidelity
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty. and very sad as well. i liked it a lot Vee!

    love you! JULIA


  • soulfultia gold member
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You are certainly granting the wish of the host! You deliver your thoughts with enough emotion to allow us to feel that and by the end...we are all rooting for ya! I actually liked the structure you placed your piece in as well. Good luck to you in the contest and this was my pleasure to read ~Tia


  • Aiyoris Maryian
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Whooooo! I LOVE THIS POEM! Get out of my head! It's like you've been watching me. **shudders** Scary, but awesome thought. I absolute adore the last stanza. Way to go!

1 - 6 of 6