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Hidden

A linear form
Passing like an arrow
Dazing my eyes
Glinting, shimmering
A trinket or a mirror
Shining in darkness
Leaving no trace
Of it’s presence
Passionate glances
Slicing through air
Hurting, hurtling
Destined to go
Where they belong
Cutting glares
Splinters of thoughts
Spreading an aura
Suspense disguised
As my eyes look
For familiarity where
All are unknown

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • truembrace
    April 25, 2007

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    there is some interesting imagery in this piece with a great use of language. a few of your thoughts in your verses came across to me as though you were shooting for brevity in your verses - maybe in that brevity that more clarification with another few words for clarification. Yet, there is a strong liking for succinct poetry through the peer base on this site and this poem certainly fits with that.

    In your last few verses - I do believe you have an extra "a" in there that is throwing off your closing thought. 'might want to take a look at that.

    Really though - a solid write and interesting read overall with the imagery and theme.

    Kim


    • shekhu
      November 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I know it's a long, long time since I have been here and for reasons that are too many. Any way, thanks for reading my poem HIDDEN, I appreciate. I am a Painter also, that may be why my Poetry has strong imagery, almost always. Thanks you noticed! Thank you also for pointing out that extra A, I have amended it.


  • Heart Sutra
    April 25, 2007

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    Yes, the unknown is somehow ever present in our lives, regardless of how much we begin to imagine that we know. I like the idea of an "aura" and have from time to time seen a glimpse of suchness. Thank you for sharing your poem.

  • angelofpain
    April 17, 2007

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    differnt

    kinda got loss to what you were meaning, although it was defentaly catchy and very different, kinda long, looking at others on your page soon, thanks angelofpain


    • shekhu
      April 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Intrigue...

      ...was what i was trying to express...thanks for viewing and commenting...i appreciate...

1 - 5 of 5