Yellow construction paper torn
Into long ovular petals
(Edges frayed)
And placed meticulously
--with washable Elmer's--
Around a fuzzy, black pom-pom ball,
Daisy style.
For every two or three petals
Pressed firm upon my paper canvas,
One will cling stubbornly
To my sticky, accusing fingers.
In a list
A contest entry
- 15 Lines or Less - Free Verse Only - Self Esteem by Cupcrazy.
450 points, ended April 17, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - an hour to kill and points to share by DancingRed.
300 points, ended April 29, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best by Sapphire Rose.
600 points, ended May 21, 2007, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win another Gold for a Gold! by LadyInRed55.
300 points, ended June 12, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Could you visualize this? Ever had this happen?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Just brillent poetry.
I love it.
Joe
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lol... I do construction paper art, so I can completely relate to the frustration of this. Some of my most heartfelt art is made of construction paper. It's not very good art, but I enjoy it. Good description.
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Dear Cousin Daisy:
Fingers don't like me, That is why when someone shows me the middle one, as they invariably do, I pay attention.
I like that you take a simple activity, seemingly carefree, and add a deeper element to it.
I just noticed, this is sort of like making a daisy to give to a loved one you aren't really sure you actually love...thus the accusing fingers, the self-incrimination. "Do I really love him?"
I thought of it the other way, that the doubts were whether she/he/it was loved, the doubts that creep into our heads, but dismissed it...the "accusing" seemed to suggest my first thought.
This is a poem I would like to carry in my back pocket to show the many poets, who think their words need to form some arcane barrier, or worse a plethora of purple phrases, that locks in their ego's poetic self-image and yet allows the entrance of readers with the inability to know sham when they see it.
Sorry, that was a little critical, but hopefully vague enough not to be understood by those two parties.
In my new/next relationship, I am refusing to think beyond or below, "she's cute." And I am demanding of her, that she not go beyond/below thinking the same about me. Ignorance may not be bliss but I think simplicity is. Wish me luck, lol
Your Cousin,
Sticky Elmer
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Dear Cousin Elmer:
I'm not sure how I feel about you sweating all over my poem, but if you must, feel free to print and carry in your back pocket. IF you should run into types of either of the said parties, please do not use my name.
p.s. I believe you may be receiving an adoptable child on your doorstep any day now, courtesy of Miss Bovine.
Oh, yes, btw. Good luck with that.
Daisy.
**************************
You really have been rummaging through the attic. This was written for a contest about self esteem sometime within my first month on AP. In fact, I believe it earned my first gold trophy, and helped me to get better acquainted with the gal on the site who has since become one of my best friends. Haven't read this in forever!
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I've read a couple of cupcrazy's things, I really need to get back over there. She seems nice. I like nice people.
I found this poem in your gold list. I figured lists might be an easier way to find stuff. Not sure why I chose this one, maybe it was first.
I don't think Miss Bovine ever had a relationship with anyone, maybe she's having an immaculate conception? Oh my, don't do that! I feel like writing a goofy story now! lol
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I hear it was a murderous affair!
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this was realy cool
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very descriptive I like that you began with the paper 'torn'(not cut) -setting up the whole idea of 'frayed' 'washable Elmers' for 'sticky accusing fingers'--so it can be done all over again?-excellent
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wonderful metaphor... very visual
almost tangible...
I love "ovular" what a wonderful sound to that word!
perfect ending...
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Yes
this is a very thoughtful poem. Great Job!
Thanks!!! -
A beautiful, thoughtful piece. I actually like the word 'accusing' - it is sharper than 'guilt', almost like a bee sting. I like this poem - one of introspection, with a great choice of title.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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I loved this piece, wonderful metaphor, as for the word "accusing" it does portray the deeper meaning, but I am like you unsure if it shows exactly what you wanted. Accusations being just that, maybe "Guilty" fingers or something that conveys the extent of your own involvement in the downfall of love. regardless, excellent piece, loved it! Bunny
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thanks!!!!
Thanks bunny, for your kind words. Thanks for suggesting, "guilty" instead of "accusing." I decided not to use that one because I when we have low self-esteem, which is what the contest was about, we often accuse ourselves regardless of guilt. Our perception of self is tainted by our attitude and outlook, thus we condemn ourselves often even undeservingly.
I'm still noodling on this one. I'm satisfied with "accsuing"-it portays the self-criticism, but does not necessarily connote guilt-- however I continue to just have this curiosity of whether there wouldn't be a better word that says even more. THanks for your compliments and your input for suggestions. It means a lot coming from you. This was a fun contest for me.
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Brilliant!
Very nice! This one is subtle and sneaks up on you. Then at the end - Wham! I love how I was drawn along captivated by the simple imagery of the piece. It spoke to me of childhood and innocence. That is what makes the message of the poem so strong when it revealed. It is a surprise. It is hinted at in the title and brought to home in the last line.
The accusing fingers are your own. This is a strong concept. How we accuse ourselves, sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly. The image of the paper pedals clinging to the sticky fingers is vivid and effective.
I love the subtlety of this piece. You manage to conceal the meaning of the poem all the way up to the last two words. There is only 1 word ("accusing") in the body of the poem that reveals the deeper meaning of the piece. Without that word the poem would just be a beautiful portrait of a moment. However with the inclusion of that one word you bring us into a whole new understanding of the moment and the epiphany that accompanies it. This is blilliant! Masterfully done.
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tks
Everwind, thanks for your nice comments. Let me ask you about "accusing." I wonder if another word choice would say more. I wracked my brain trying to think of one that would speak of self-condemnation that would also fit my piece. Do you like this one, or can you think of another word that would be better? It is important for me to have the right one since the meaning of the whole poem hinges upon it.
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