Swollen feet,
sores raw as meat,
pricked and poked all day.
Throbbing head,
messed the bed;
I can not live this way.
You offer pills to swallow,
with aftertastes I dread.
Potions meant
to buy me time
would swallow me instead.
Each breath I take
a crushing weight
I can no longer bear.
nothing to gain
but searing pain
I pray the end is near.
No bitter pills to swallow,
Death I do not dread.
Do not give me
potion's time,
let me die instead.
Author notes
Imagining what my Mom was thinking as she lay dying of stage four aggressive Non - Hodgekin's Lymphoma. She was terrified of the prospect of chemotherapy. She elected not to have it. She died just one week after we got the diagnosis. She is at peace.
In a list
A contest entry
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700 points, ended May 3, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
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450 points, ended December 27, 2007, 20 entries
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Honorable mention
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1750 points, ended March 15, 2008, 13 entries
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300 points, ended August 3, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
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600 points, ended August 3, 2008, 44 entries
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Very good ...
but the line "their aftertaste I dread" is an inverted line, which could be easily fixed by changing "their" to "an". I know exactly what she went through, as it happened to me recently. The pills changed the taste of everything I ate so that it was nearly impossible to eat anything. It was horrible.
I've said before, as have many others, I'm sure, that life is designed all wrong. Anyway, good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your suggestion and comment, Jim. I think there's a problem with "an", though. It "feels light" to me, also "an" is singular, "pills" is plural. "Aftertaste" refers to not only their actual "taste" (that last month in the hospital, my mother complained about taking pills for the first time I knew of in her life.) She was always compliant before. It took 4 of us to convince her to take her potassium, for example. "Bitter Pills" I also use as an euphemism, mainly refers to the symptoms she currently had, plus side affects of chemo, which is what was offered to her. She literally was in dread of the disease, but even more so the treatment for Lymphoma, which she was (finally) diagnosed with just a week before she died.
Perhaps "with aftertastes I dread."? -
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Yes ...
"with aftertastes I dread" would be perfect.
And yes, I know all about it. As I said, I could barely eat anything for months because of the horrible taste of literally everything. -
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Thanks!
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Writing from someone else's prospective is always hard, especially someone that you are emotionally attached to and is going through so much. I can't even imagine how you summoned the courage to write this, but I'm glad you did.
You really did a great job of it and are in the semi-finals. Winners will be announced Wednesday, hopefully. Thank you for entering. -
thankyou for the entry
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Beautiful write. Keep up the great work. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. i really liked the lines:
"No bitter pills to swallow,
Death I do not dread.
Do not give me
potion's time,
let me die instead."
*~*bee*~* -
not feeling it
~prewrites, come and get them -
this is so sad. great rhyme though. never wish for death when you can rhyme instead. thanks for entering
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awesome job
good luck in the contest
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A well written, tender and poignant write that affected me...imagery and emotion are strong, despite the sense of loss, you have given a very personal heartbreaking touch...sometimes we need to know when enough is enough...please accept my sincere condolences
Nice rhyme scheme and nice flow to this engaging piece
Much love ~Sis~
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Appreciation!
Thank you for this personal contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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Excellent rhythm, and the rhyme for the most part was very smooth . . . what tough piece to write! You did a wonderful job putting those thoughts to words. My gosh, though I am very sorry for your loss, I'm glad for you that you can see that she is no longer in pain.
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Yes, one sometimes just wants to let nature take its course, and have no artificial intervention.. Let one die with dignity is the term used I think. Liked the flow and the message shared in these lines.
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Awww so heartfelt~ Must sure be tough. You have created a really wonderful poem out of it. God bless!
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Wow. This really was very very very well done. I mean it just lefet me speechless, and it is best that way. I understand.
...Simply Me♥ -
Wow. This really was very very very well done. I mean it just lefet me speechless, and it is best that way. I understand.
...Simply Me♥ -
Awesome well executed and magnificent visuals.
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Thank you!
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I guess we have to make our own choices. She is at peace. However, maybe the chemotherapy could have helped her. Thank you for sharing your poem.
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Mine too.
My mother was the same way and it is not a pretty thing to watch. Thank you for this entry. I remember only too well those days. My mother did pass away at her home. -
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Thanks for your comment.
My Mom went to a hospice house. They were wonderful to her and us. She died the next day. The only thing keeping her alive were blood transfusions. Once she made the decision not to try chemo, she was at peace. Her sister and brother came in from California, so she got to visit with them. She had her "last hurrah" the weekend before she died, joking and upbeat.
The hemoncologist said that she would not have tolerated full chemo; the best we could hope for after the treatment (which would not be pleasant) was a couple of months in a nursing home. She did not want that. Instead, she left this world peacefully, with her family gathered around her.
She made the right decision, given the alternatives.
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This was superb. The rhyme was well executed and though there was a very professional tone to the piece it rang of daunting emotion.
I'm very sorry for your loss, but you've written something great. -
I love this poem, thank you so much for letting me share your feelings, excellent write. Thank you for your entry, and good luck!
All the best,
*Stephi* *rose -
This must have been a very difficult write. My mother has just been told she has cancer so I can relate somewhat to the emotion here. It is a wonderful write, you have done the theme justice. I can't begin to imagine how someone in this position must feel but you have outlined it well. All the best in the contest!
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Hi,
This is a subject close to my heart....I worked with the elderly for 15 years........anyway...I like what you have done here, you have a nice tempo , and the only break is the line “circling the drain”....it is awkward....and it reads almost identically if you say “circles the drain”and it will eliminate the extra syllable. Your rhyming is good, but not exceptional......thanks for your submission.......TTFN Love Laurel
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I changed those two lines. Several people have noted the strangeness or awkwardness of the line "circling the drain". Supposedly it's used by doctors and nurses to mean "about to die".
I liked it and held onto it, but honestly my Mom wasn't familiar with that expression, I don't think. It doesn't sound authentic. I simplified the thought. It's plainer, but I think it works better.
Thanks for your honest and helpful critique.
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The only problem I really had with this piece is that it seemed to keep to few words in each line, yet the 2nd and 4th have openers (and done with an ender) that have an abundance (compared to the rest) of words in them. I felt they could be shortened to keep to that minimality.
Nice piece that you have written here.
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Please! No bitter pills to swallow.
Death I do not dread.
Do not give me
potion’s time,
let me die instead.
death can be hard
but so can living with the illness
and even harder
with the treatments
that leave you so tired
that you just want to give up
Riftkin -
You chose your title well; one that could be interpreted either as 'necessary unpleasantness' or 'chemo medications'.
Stanza 1 clear, unhappy portrayal of intense illness, and the often frequent, often unpleasant medical treatments and lab work.
Stanza 2 the side effects of chemo can, indeed, almost seem to 'wear' our lives, swallowing up an individual's ability to think and process input in their whirlpool of induced misery
Stanza 3 rhyme and meter patterns match Stza 1. I 'get' each line except "while circling drain" (reference to nausea/vomiting? to energy draining away? berserk plumbing spinning around her bed?) If you could clarify this line, it would add to the flow, instead of the reader stopping to puzzle over it...
Stanza 4 nearly matches rhythm and rhyme patterns of Stanza 2. 1 less beat in the first line. Possibly a change could help clarity here, both as to availability of medication (No bitter pills to swallow--are they all out?) and the nature of the sufferer. Perhaps something like 'Please! No more pills to swallow!'
Overall, I thought this was an insightful write on a difficult situation for anyone to face themselves, or through a loved one.
My condolences on the loss of your dear Mother.
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My younger sister said that "Circling the drain" is a common expression used by medical staff to say that someone is dying, on their way out. Here I am pretending that my mom knew the expression, she certainly knew she was dying well before any of us did.
It was funny. She took medication and had any procedures her doctor wanted her to take or have before this last month. She kept calling the medication bitter(not chemo, though in the poem I'm referring to chemo)and she refused until convinced by her primary doctor to have her bone marrow tested. She had a special relationship with her primary Doctor. He was very kind to her and made her feel special, I think more than any of us were able to. We didn't understand until we met him.
Thanks for your careful critique. I'll look at those 2 areas.
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When I read this poem I thought great! Another suicide poem. Then I read the authors notes about your mother. Some how this poem could be great if you could incorperate her more into the poem in such a way
that the reader knows this is your mother's thoughts. Then it is not just good it will be excellent.
Thank your for entering
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Thanks for your comment, Jeff. I will consider that.
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boy this hit me hard in the gut. if i were to try and describe physical pain and death this poem would be it. the short, stark lines jab in just the right places
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I'm glad that something so well written could come out of so much pain. I'm sure that it took some strength to write this piece. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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This is poignant for me as my mom died of cancer as well. The cancer was advanced when it was diagnosed and she elected to not have it treated. By contrast my son's cancer was caught very early and he is responding well to chemotherapy.
I think you did a great job of putting yourself in your mom's frame of mind concerning her decision. Thanks for sharing this personal and powerful piece -
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Thank you. I'm glad your son is doing well. My Momm's lymphoma was advanced also. She couldn't have withstood any radical chemo, the only thing that could have given her any chance. What the Oncologist offered was a treatment that at best would have bought her 2 months in a nursing home. She didn't want that. We all supported her decision.
Everyone is different.
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This is very sad.
Great job and thanks for entering!
Angie
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Very sad write! It is hard watching someone you love die. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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This is such a very sad poem but I am happy that your mother now rests in peace. Yes it is so diifficult to know whtether pills to prolong life are, inthe end, the best thing.
You have used your words well to build these feelings of pain. All the best in this contest.
gaylene
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Thank you. This is the other side to "Held in His Arms" which I think you've already read and commented on. Thank you for reading so much of my work. I feel very encouraged by your comments.
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