In times long gone
I sighed content
breathing in your strength
wrapped in the circle of your loving arms
unaware
unconcerned
unafraid
of the burdens you
bore for me, protected from
The quest for fire
The search for work
Now you are gone
My arms circle scared
failing the silent criterion
passing burdens
sharp edged
to shoulders
too light to bear
time left to recapture my loving arms
my standing shelter
Trust turned away
All I need is time
Author notes
Basha is a waterproof canvas or plastic sheet with eyelets or loops in the corners, which is used in camping/outdoor/military situations to act as a shelter, in the form of an impromptu tent, groundsheet etc.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basha_(tarpaulin) -
A contest entry
- Shelter by Cat.
550 points, ended April 17, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you know the muffin man??? by Dreams27.
450 points, ended July 1, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For Stevie, the Boy who Can by Corvus Corone.
1100 points, ended May 28, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Streetcorner by malmadre.
1000 points, ended June 1, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - these words are simply small black statuaries by whiterabbit..
525 points, ended August 22, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Perfect.
Of course.
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Interesting presentation and wording. Burdens passed to shoulders too frail to bear them, having lost the protection of one who carried them before. Open to the harshness of life and its pain..
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A well written and delightfully presented piece. I have enjoyed reading. Thank you for entering and good luck
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Smart, Rich & enjoyable
Smart, Rich & Enjoyable...
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Instantly charming to the senses, and thought provoking through and through. Good job!
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It is becoming funny to me which works pass the poetry/prose test required by this contest and which ones do not. Greater than half the time, works such as this one, which do pass the test, do so because of the metaphysical poetry ideal, rather than the literal poetry reality.
In keeping with that theme there is a worldly ("the quest for fire / the search for work") and compelling ("time left to recapture my loving arms / my standing shelter") quality that is both evident and consistent within this piece. It is the product of a mind searching not just for answers but for a place to exist. I find that struggle to be one of man's greatest epics - a persistent battle where the honor involved is as easily understood as is the reality that there truly is no end in sight.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
a beautfiul piece. and well presented.
thank you for the entry.
take care, sam (Dreams27) xxx -
"My arms circle scared
failing the silent criterion"
Sighhh...What a sorrowful penning this is, my Friend...Your shelter will be back soon, Scribe...Hold down the fort until she is...I'm glad you appreciate what she is to you...so is she...Good luck in Mary's contest...
Wanda
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there is such need and despair in this piece- makes one lonely just to read it. thank you for entering and leaving a bit of yourself here on this contest
m -
Form and content in this poem are one. It is shaped in what could perceived to be the B from Basha, a 3 for Trinity or 13 which has a profusion of meanings and alledged meanings. Basha can be split into 1 and Asha, the latter representing truth, creation and order. We (most) are as you write caught in the maelstrom of time that is heading for infinity regardless of what direction in which it travels. A return to the Realm of Immaculate Light. Thank you for creating and sharing and good luck in the contest. Take care,
U
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ah your shelter...... what a fresh write for this contest.....really a poem that reaches way out and brings it home.
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