As I walk out toward the sea
I feel such peace surround me
As my lonely soul flies free
I think of us now and then,
A long lost past, back when
Our love was not “has been”
He doesn’t love me anymore
It ended with a roar
Along this rocky shore
And no where could I hide
From the pain I felt inside
But now God walks at my side
Yes, sadly our love has died
And there were many days I cried
I was no longer to be his bride
Until God offered a new tide
Author notes
Please feel free to critique this
"song" of a new tide. Thanks!
In a list
Comments?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
To True
very good God loves us so much he creates new tides and new paths for us to follow.
good write -
This almost reads lyrically. This was a wonderful penning girl. I did not realize until I just peeked at the authors notes write above my comment box that...your intention was to indeed do this
Well, success then. A sadness courses through this as well a sense of hope. I truly enjoyed this and it was as always a pleasure to read your talented work ~Tia
-
-
THANK YOU!
Tia ~ You're so sweet to hand out all this praise of my work!! I'm not sure it's really all that... This poem was a very difficult one to write, or at least to make it work, as it is rather akward here with only three line stanzas, as someone else pointed out. I may have to go back for a re-write... Thanks just the same, I'm glad you enjoyed it!!! Take care 
Peace ~ Cyn
-
-
Reading this made me sad. I am sorry such an awful thing has taken place but your pen gives you a voice. Can speak of what you might not have been able to say. Releasing some of your pain which is clearly evident in this very descriptive piece. There was a lot here but I wanted more. I know greedy..lol. Was strong but in some way was lacking. I dont know if it is the 3 line stanzas or ? Either way I felt you in every word and that is what it is all about. Hold strong my friend and remember you are never alone. You have friends. Hugs, Dawn
-
-
Thank you, Dawn!
As always, your kind comments (or any other kind of comments) are very welcome. The poem may indeed be lacking, as you said - I'll take another look. It's not really about me, but I have a way of tapping into broken relationships for some unknown reason. Food for thought, I suppose... Thanks again, and take care!!
-
-
It is very good but three lines lose the flow if it is a song,might be a good idea to try a four line rhyme then it seems to sing lyrically i.e.
Yes, sadly our love has died,
And there were many days I cried,
No longer to be your bride,
Until God offered a new tide.
Just an example, sometimes also in a song, it is easier to match rhyme to lines 1 & 3 or 2 & 4, rather than each line.
Having said that, I like the thoughts in it and think you could have a sad love song in the making Love, C
-
-
Thank you!
C ~ I really appreciate your support. Thanks again!!!
-
You're a genius!
Thank you C ~ I think I'll try that out here, if you don't mind. You've made a great point. Then if you would please take another look, I'd be honored!!! -
-
Thank you!!
-
Better! it has an ending now
-
-
-
Excellent
this was great!!! you did a really good job!!
-
-
Thank You!!!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
