A million teardrops later
My eyes still wet and red
Reliving every moment
And everything she said
A fool to still remember
The feelings she forgot
A million teardrops later
And each one shed for naught
A thousand nights of anguish
When will the torture end
Don't need another lover
But sure could use a friend
She made her weak excuses
For bringing me such pain
A thousand nights of anguish
And each one spent in vain
Three words she softly whispered
They seemed so pure and true
I thought my dreams were answered
When she said "I love you."
A million tears, a thousand nights
How time drags slowly by
Three words she softly whispered
And each one was a lie.
Author notes
of the two I entered, this is the best. They are different but I think the rhyme and flow of this is the best and it is one of my favorites.
A contest entry
- Contest for rhyming poems ( prewrites allowed... without medals) by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended April 23, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have you ever... by Age of Rain.
1300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme your greenies by crazymomma.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 58 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RHYME AND RHYTHM-PW allowed by Heva Feva.
550 points, ended July 3, 107 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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forgot and naught don't rhyme in my voice, but the rest is flawless for me.
I like the repetition of 'and each one' a lot, especially because it changes, rather than just repeats the same line.
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"A million teardrops later
My eyes still wet and red
Reliving every moment
And everything she said"
These are my favourite lines! I was pulled in right fom the beginning, amazing background also. Thanks or entering my contest and good luck!
-heva ♫ -
This is so sad. I could feel the pain. I loved how well the title fit the poem. The rhyme and flow were great. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Normally I don't dig animated backgrounds. This was actually pretty good. I love that you began with a later. It brings my mind to the before, which of course was your intent. I really liked this! Best of luck!
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Oh
My
God!!!
that is one of the most heart-wrenching and thought provoking pieces i've read so far!!! no wonder this is one of chandni's favs! i almost cried at the end "and each one was a lie"
amazing! hope you have more like this
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very well written...
Best wishes and good luck
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HoodWinked
This was wonderfully written with such heart felt emotion. In it's beautiful sadness though, I think a lot of us can relate
The rhyme and flow were also flawless. This leaves one in thought. Be well and be blessed
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Hoodwinked!!!
This is some fantastic reading.
I loved the rhyme, and the message is painful but clear. I love how you bring across that even when we're told we're loved and think that's the answer, it doesn't mean anything if the words are a lie. Definitely a poem to make me think.
Thanks so much for sharing, and best wishes to you,
~J.
P.S. You have been Hoodwinked by a member of the poetic bandits!
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How sad. Heart rending.....I wish there were some things that can be done for heartbreaks. But you've certainly done a great job with this poem.
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Thank you for your heartfelt entry, Josephine
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Again and again you wow me with your immensely beautiful and powerful poems - damn I just don't know what to say (I know, I know, I say that every time) This is just awesome and none of my words or applauds can do it any justice. I hope your computer gets fixed soon! Take care always xox
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How do you write so may wonderful poems, I can only hope to write as well as you do one day. Great as always.
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beautiful
What a beautiful heartfelt write. Such sadness dwells within this poem but also lyes the beauty of your mesmeric poetic words. I enjoyed the flow it was flawless
it flowed like a beautiful calm steam. I think most who read this can relate to the story you've penned. It's sad
and tugs at your heart. I loved the emotions you put into this and the ones I got while reading it. Superb!
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Femme Fatale
Delete... darn... -
Cold comments and blistering thoughts
Hmph... The Trump Card? This was heartfelt all right.. if I didn't know you... better.. I would say your one the depressed side
But it made me think of some bad times, and sad times, and times wehn my heart hurt from other peoples distress... Can't stand it when someones spouse goes and runs wild... you know me being thirteen and all if a relationship lasts a day well it was a damned lucky relationship... but I do really have a heart binding feeling for this poem, perhaps for another time... over a digi-coffee well I know I liked the general layout of you poem... and the second stanza meant the most to me... but my favourite lines were,
"I thought my dreams were answered,
When she said 'I love you.'"
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So Very Heartfelt
Hello Rakerman, This was rather sad and very hearfelt. Your emotions can be felt within the words! I can relate so well to what you write. Love doesn't come with a guarentree and you are right, friends are so important to help you get through the hard times. You take care, Sandy
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Beautiful, but sad
Lovely write, even though it is sad. Perfectly penned, I wouldn't change a thing. Very heartfelt with a poignant punch at the end.
Love it!
Blessings and *stomps
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This is such a heart felt and sad poem, I hope this is not from experience.
A wonderful write...Sue
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I might say "A million tears, a thousand nights" in the fourth line instead of the way you have it because then it would correlate in order with the the rest of the poem. Besides, the next line refers to time, and it makes more sense to me to go from a number of tears to a number of nights to time than from a number of nights to a number of tears to time becausee nights have more to do with time than tears... maybe?
Enough of that. Whether you change it or not, it's a frickin' awesome piece!! I love how you told this and the whole idea you had--using numbers. And that last line.... damn!! Actually, the last two, are so powerful. The whole piece is very powerful, and with those last two lines you did just a killer job of closing. Great job, very wonderful. This is one of my favorites... it inspires me to write about lies I've been given (I've got plenty to chose from), I just don't know when I'll get to it. But when I do, I'll let you know that it was inspired in part by this. Thanks for sharing your talent. Take care.
Katy
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You know, when I wrote this I considered doing just that, but when I read it aloud to myself it seemed awkward so I left it as is. Thanks alot
Roses
Raker
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Everytime I click on of your poems
I go to bookmark it
You are seriously a talented writer
Do you have a book? You deserve one
I can hardly choose which favourite part to choose
A fool to still remember,
The feelings she forgot,
A million teardrops later,
And each one shed for naught.
A thousand nights, a million tears,
How time drags slowly by,
Three words she softly whispered,
And each one was a lie.
All I have to do is change the gender of the person who did the hurt
and I've got a poem I can seriously relate to
I'm not too sure what to say
but this poem also made me go "woah"
NeveR ♥
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Actually he does have a book. "Passing Thoughts" it can be purchased on Amazon ... here's a link. I have a copy and it's wonderful. (I should be his agent but he doesn't pay enough LOL ) http://www.amazon.com/Passing-Thoughts-L-Carling/dp/1413732534/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216535189&sr=1-1
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Thanks, I found out about it after I posted the comment - but the book is an ld one - he still needs to publish his new poems!
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this makes me want to cry. really. you have written it so very well and i could picture you sitting there with all the tears pooled at your feet. viyanna rosemarie
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much liked..
Well I can say one thing I am glad it was not me...I only just met you..
....great writing...my friend...you have such a way with words...very pleasant...and thank you. as always; sandra
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