You’ll never come back as long as I wait
My troth to you forever I send
So much to tell you but now it’s too late
A loving friendship that came to an end
It’s sad when honesty looses a friend
I allowed myself to be put in this state
The outcome of this I failed to portend
You’ll never come back as long as I wait
You’ve closed the door and locked the gate
Can’t you forgive me and let me amend?
I lost you over a stupid debate
My troth to you forever I send
There must be a way your feelings could mend
Because I was stupid, I made you irate
But your loving memory I’ll always defend
So much to tell you but now it’s too late
.
I wish you’d forgive me and try to relate
Please give of yourself, just a little bend
It’s hard to be happy when I lost you to fate
A loving friendship that came to an end
All of this crap just so a child could skate
I really love you, it was never pretend
Now you’re gone and it’s me who you hate
So I carry on without you as a friend
Author notes
Reverse Retourne
Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme
I reversed it moving the repeating line to the end of each stanza increasing the degree of difficulty because I really lost my friend.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Wonderful poem. thanks for entering
-
Read. Digested...and accepted.
I really don't want to spill all of our personal business right here for everybody to see, but...
You know that I accepted you and loved you waaaay before you sent Dakota the money to get his skateboard. What seems like "just so a child could skate" is SO much more than just this.
You gave Dakota energy. You gave him hope. You gave him a link to his friends, and a way to make more friends. You gave him confidence in himself. He's watching his diet (he's a big boy), he's paying closer attention to how he dresses, he's keeping his room clean, and his attitude has changed in school and his grades have come up.
So...
you may have easily invested in my son's future.
All because you made it possible for him to skate.
Next time you have a doubt about our friendship
and what you meant to me???
Do me a favor and click to send me a message rather than clicking to delete me...
I love you Amera...
xoxo
Heidi
-
well done my friend... emotionally touching piece
-
Oh My!!
Beautiful form again...
Powerful emotions exuded...with sadness felt
within the lines...
Wish You much Happiness and as said to me...
It does not make one weak to apologize...
for it takes strength to be sincere...
It takes equal strength to accept the apology
with sincerity, so both parties move forward...
on Journey without regret, sincerely.
~*~
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
-Ghandi-
~*~
Thank You for sharing this!!
Many blessings to You in this contest my Friend
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
I don't get the part about the child skating, but this is decent. It's a little simplistic - and I guess some might say a little "whiney" - but I think it's okay, and I like the sincerity. Not bad. - oce
-
very sad!! very good poem!! keep up the great writting!!!
-
Great
This was great!! My faveorite part was:
All of this crap just so a child could skate
I really love you, it was never pretend
Now you’re gone and it’s me who you hate
So I carry on without you as a friend
That stanza really spoke to me. Great job even though there was a simple rhyme scheme and best of luck in your writing future. -
You penned this reverse retourne perfectly and the extra stanza at the end to bring it home was brilliant. To lose a friend for such a reason is awful. I noticed that you also rhymed in this which the retourne doesn't require and it superb. It flowed so smoothly, you are a fantastic writer and it is very obvious in this piece. I think I will bookmark this poem for further reading and reference for the form as well. Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift as you do and best wishes in the contest. It sounds golden to me. Love you my friend, Joyce
-
-
Thank you very much for the wonderful comment. I don't think there is such a form. I made it up along with the extra stanza. It's nice to receive a comment from a poet that knows form. Thanks again.
Love,
Amera
-
-
Nice form. Sad content. I don't know enough to comment further. Three bunnies.
-
There is nothing in this world worth debating so heatedly that emotions come to blows and there is no victor to present the spoils.
Easier said than done.
I have had a million of these exact type of fights. However, I am usualy the first to compromise (or propose such). Some see it as a sign of weakness.
I say whatever.
I am done telling you how awesome you are within the confines of form. You must know by now that you are phenominal. I will say that I wish I could but pretend to emulate you and leave it at that.
Brava Poetess!
-
-
Jimfre
I don’t see your compromise as a sign of weakness. I see it as an incomparable strength. The more I get to know you the more I like you.
Love,
Amera
-
-
HMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN........
Right now I'm dealing with enough personal issues of myself to get involved in this. You two gotta work this out between yourselves, kinda foolish for a friendship to end over a skateboard or trophy ya think?
but yeah, I got serious deeper thoughts to mull over, sorry.
Dad
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
