A boy sat on his bed
Staring at the carpet, stained red
Grinning from ear to ear
No longer consumed by fear
In one hand he held a long stemmed rose
Black as the feathers of his only friends, the crows
Who have gathered on the floor
Around a corpse the boy feared before
In the other hand he held a knife
That bloody blade took away something, a life
The person on the floor to be precise
It slit her throat so clean and nice
He remembered as she fell dead
And stained the new carpet, a deep red
Before she faded from the Earth
He laughed at the one who gave him birth
As she took her last breath
He smiled upon seeing it, her death
He was no longer terrified of her
His love for her became nothing but a blur
Now the crows pick at her flesh
And he is able to start, afresh
When her bones are the only things left on the floor
He leaves the scene and returns nevermore
He sings to himself a morbid little tune
As he walks in the light, reflected by the moon
There is only one verse in his simple song
"My Mommy is finally gone"
Author notes
Option 3, A Murder Most Foul
Some creepy little poem I thought on the spur of the moment. I thought of some deranged little kid with a knife and just let my mind wander from there.
A contest entry
- ~Darkest Of Dark~ by XxMysticalFantasyxX.
450 points, ended April 30, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME DARKNESS!!! by joleahe.
314 points, ended April 26, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Frightful This Way Comes by Tom The Invader.
450 points, ended June 21, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nightmares, Stalkers & Murder…Oh My! by vampireblood.
400 points, ended June 17, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Very creepy, but well written. I noticed you had a spelling error. Otherwise, it was a good piece. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
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Spelling error? where? I'll make sure to fix it. And thanks for the comment!
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THIS IS GREAT! very creepy. i wouldn't want my son to kill me! (when i'm older and have one.) gives me the chills to have a kid now! lol.
but one question, how can there be crows in a carpeted area? overall, good jobbb -
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they are in a bedroom. lets just say that the window is open.
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Nice. A tale of revenge, perhaps for abuse, or maybe even something more trivial. Very well done!
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thank you
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My mother is dead but I live. My mother has died I have lived. This poem is filled with evil and sorrow. Some mothers an be a pain. Great poem of horror. Taste the blood from the blade you used on her. mmm bitter sweet
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mmm...blood...
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;)
you killed your mom-
dude, you're the best >:3
is that it? -
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Its not my mom! Its the little boy's mom... hehehe
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wow....awesome write. great imagery and flow! very good. thanx for your entry.
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ooo aaa blood ... hehe!!
wow !! that was so coolo.0 -
In the background I can hear a dark and sinister "muhahahahaha".
Yipes!
*runs off and hides underneath the bed*
Very dark and very chilling! So creepy, I like it! Be nice to see as a short movie. I'm sick that way. But instead I'll be think of my mother in law. I love my mommy.
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I love my mom too, but this idea just popped in my head so I wrote it down! thanks for the comment!
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bit sad but it can be a little better
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I hate to be a c**t but I am going to say that the rhyme was very cliche... I have a poem called "Hush Now Child" that is a similar type, but in the mothers perspective. I loved the crow though...
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Yea, I know. It is a bit cliche, but I wrote this at the spur of the moment and didn't have time to think about it. Looking back I see what could have been changed...
Critisism is welcomed because it will help me advance in my writing skills, so don't feel bad about it!
Thank you for the comment! ^-^
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wow, i love this and i dont know why but im laughing.
meg -
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thanks. I read this over and I couldn't help laughing either! Guess its just the psyco in me! lol
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oh my god.i love it it is so wonderful.i wish i had some friends like those crows.....(smileing wickedly).it is so beautiful.wonderfull write.just jaw-dropping.good luck in the contest.i think this is gold so far.
H.
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thanks but I think some of the others are better. I'm a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe and one of my favorites is The Raven and I just had to put them in! lol
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Wow,i love this piece!!
It has such great rythm and the ending is powerfull.
Also i love the crows eating the flesh part because to me it shows how his friends consume such love and nothing's for his mother. Love it!!!
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Wow...this is pretty freaky...this was a really great poem
I really enjoyed reading it the style was amazing Thank you for joining my contest and good luck
LadyMoonMistres -
Oohhh That is morbidly evil ...
Sent chills up and down my spine and made me wana hide
Great write !!
I wish you the BEST of luck in the contest
Stay safe
~Amanda
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O.O Amanda is my sister's name! *screams and runs away*
lol. Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you said "stay safe" and not "stay out of trouble"... *evil grin*
jk!
~Elaina
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