Is it the fact that i don't want sex
Did are love fall apart
Did i quit being the person you once loved
Do i do something wrong
Is she more beautiful than me
Does she give you something i don't
Does she give you sex
Does she give you love
Is she all the things i'm not
Funny
Lovable
Careless
Looks
She can stay
I will leave
Its her you want
And not me
I understand
That are love is gone
Did she hug you when I wasn't around
Does she wipe up all your tears
With this poem
I will say good bye
To all i know
And to all i love
Thee End
A contest entry
- She's Everything You're Not by Exodus.
1050 points, ended April 27, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Marriage and Family by Freed by Mercy.
700 points, ended April 30, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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SO SAD....I FELT ALL THE EMOTIONS IN THIS POEM. HOW THEY FELT WORTHLESS OR UNWORTHY TO HAVE THAT OTHER PERSONS LOVE. I THINK THESE ARE ALL QUESTIONS WE SOMETIMES ASK OURSELFS WHEN SOMEONE WE LOVE IS LEAVING.
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Oh my! This is so sad sis! I love the way you wrote it though. Very beautiful.
You know I don't know what else to say about it. Oh I do have a suggestion, check your capitalisation. And is the at the end supposed to be spelt with 2 "e"s?
Oh and which option is this sis? I'm having a slow day o.O
Take care and much love
-
good
Good write....I like the lack of rhyming and the absence of punctuations... I can not put this off too well myself, but, it seem to work for other poets pretty well.
I also like how you employed lower case letter when referring to yourself as ,i, rather than ,I. Showing how you see yourself as worthless or not worth much.........
In the 8th line up from the bottom, did you mean to say "That Our love is gone" and 2nd line from the top did you mean "did our love fall apart" ? The poem is a little sad for my taste right now. But I like it... I need a pick me up..... But that's my problem, not yours... good write... -
You used red on black! Did you do that on purpose?
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