inside the comfort of you
no storms
within your acceptance
no uncertainty
i watch sideways rain
and know i am safe
protected even from my own
freedom
you let me fly
into you
you let me fly
away
pastel grey mourns to find me without
sturdy limbs
but you
ah
my shelter is here
in you
Author notes
for Ron, all my love ~ sunshine
A contest entry
- Shelter by Cat.
550 points, ended April 17, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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it seems like a lot of love was invested in this, skims the surface with vivid imagary,and plumbs the depth of soul when everyone sees there is a special dedication
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Refreshingly articulated
Aww, it is powerful to bring yourself into the picture of a flying creature needing to find safety before the severeness hits. The tree of relationship, bravely hearing the echoes of every scary thing around you, with a clear understanding you've already ran from it. What bluntness I like here, "i watch sideways rain and know i am safe," letting you imagine how that is. It patches up the paraphrasing that as things are getting weather-wise worse, they're also becoming better in another sense. Whoa, that is love!
I love the smoothness in your poem, I feel the tightness of how much you need security of family, not wanting to wander a little into just your own desires for a short while even. That is known, but the new imagery is just sighingly beautiful especially with the word, "protected" like it may go a wrong way, as it can. I couldn't do anything but go with the flow in these verses, "you let me fly into you" as if like a mother or a metaphorical branch, though having senses and flexibility, set correctly.
The last stanza made me connect to, 'just in time!' And, the emotion you heavily place before me sounds like an emergency answered. "ah" shows a pause of wind... your piece is well formed everywhere in how you told me about nature, flipped into comparison.
Unmistakably pristine, I totally congratulate you on gold,
PIA-K -
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Excellent
I hope my wife feels this way about me and may I never do anything to spoil it!
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i miss you..
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I miss you, and poetry like this is just a part of the reason why. This is beautiful, I hope someday to know that same kind of shelter.
Hope you're okay.
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Beautiful, and if you have to leave only one poem, this is as good as any other, not only for the dedication but for that sense of comfort and well being.
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So touching!
Beauty and depth is your soul. My goodness...have you
ever thought of using your gentle voice as a metaphor,
so many legends and folklores to explore!
You would be a natural...and captivate our hearts giving
us breath and energy once more!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))))))))))
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really good
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Lovely. That's how I felt with my love until he was taken from me. Now there is no safety at all. How horrible and woeful life can be, but still so beautiful.
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This is a beautiful write...very comforting and peaceful. I love the image of 'sideways rain'...the bird, and its shelter...very lovely, and definitely deserving of the gold. Congratulations!
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I so love the comfort of this poem..something so very peaceful and serene about this bird of storms and its shelter. I agree with Mary, the grey works wonderfully here and enhances the gentle moods of this poem. Definately a gold winner, Rebeka. The lines "you let me fly...away" is magical and the line-breaks add so much impact to it. Beautiful.
~ Nicolette
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Very deserving; congratulations!
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thank you Rowan
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Oh yes, a gold winner indeed...your poem and mine strolled along the same theme...well done.
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thanks Carol
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Lovely, Rebeka.
It's a very calming poem that I find brought me a little bit of peace during this hectic day. Thanks.
Elisa
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what a lovely compliment you have given me here, much thanks
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"Sideways rain"
"inside the comfort of you
no storms
within your acceptance"
"pastel grey mourns to find me without"
...all great stuff
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oh this is just so wonderful.. you let me fly into you- the greys are incredibly effective here.. yes, this is wonderful.
thanks so much for entering
m -
and it's purtiful too
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I wonder how many relationships are really like that. I can't say I've really seen one like that, not yet anyway...I guess it comes from two people of the same mind, knowing how each wants to be treated...so you've written a fantasy huh, lol.
I'm sorry, it just seems that someone always wants to control in some way or other. I don't speak of myself of course...I'm perfect.
But that's the end goal that I seek, your poem's meaning that is. Yes, I'm a cynic and yet I still have that bit of optimism...I'm an optcynic...
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That's purtiful!
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Coolsome word ^
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