They were sitting at a round table-
like Arthur when he sent his knights out
resplendent in long-swords and armor
that shone silverwhite
in the harsh light of mid-morning.
They were like every other man and woman,
his teeth set in his mouth as oyster shells
caught in the velvet backdrop
of a laugh; her fingers slid around
the thick paper of a venti coffee
or perhaps a white chocolate mocha cappuccino,
lips moved to the ease of conversation
both familiar and comfortable.
Occasionally his hand would flint over
to capture hers in a love crush-hold
and there was an urgent glare from his left hand,
fourth finger as if it was trying to make itself
heard over the din of a commercialized coffee house.
The man would tilt his head as if just bits
of its anger could be discerned
over the smile of her eyes; it was then
he would quicken a glance toward the door,
at the two women scurrying behind the counter,
at me-- half reading a novel about Magdalene,
half watching in a shy voyeuristic style that played
at putting together their puzzle pieces.
Hand slinked back to his lap, gleam
of his teeth hidden behind clam tight lips,
and her face wrote the story
of his transgressions, her disappointment.
Author notes
.
a collection I am working on...
just getting things out there...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The part of this poem I find most intriguing is the personification of the fingers - that is just marvelous.
You might consider paring this down a little; the Arthur/knights reference, in particular, seems a little off the topic to me, in an otherwise very focussed poem.
Your descriptions of the man are just outstanding. Bravo.
Z
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But in this delicious sea of words , where swim the oysters?
Ahhhh...in the pearly whites, that's where.
I really enjoyed this
thick and layered (as Gill says) as a cake.
with Starbucks Coffee to boot!
excellent write
thanks for entering!
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What Happens Next!?!
I loooooooooooove it Ms. Meli!!! I say that because 1st off I apologize for the latenes sof this comment I went in for surgery on my back but don't tell Lynda nor Tim please or anyone else and any ways I am fine no worries =) any ways back to your poem I really love your poem because starbucks coffee rocks and not to mention the wording that flowed through the story really lets our imagination flows and it made me wonder what'll happen next ... granted you said this is part of a collection but I enjoyed this alot. excellent poem and keep up the good work.
Signed, Paul =)
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You have done excellent at capturing a moment...love the 'urgent glare from his left hand
fourth finger as it was trying to make itself
heard...'
that was brilliant. Well done!
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hmmm, starbucks. lol. i liked how you wrote it, i like the style i guess. the words are different, explained. i like that alot
xoxox keep writting -
Gorgeous. Particularly the 'urgent glare from his left hand, fourth finger' and the 'half watching in a shy voyeuristic style'.
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This is snapshot at it's best. You are one of the best moment capturers I know. Very lovely words.
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oohh yes... a velvet laugh and transgressions... this is so layered... it reminds me of a really nice cake, that you want to nibble and lick with finesse, tasting each morsil and line..
tis creamy and round and voluptuos, me be liking this one alot
nicely done Meli
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oysters and clams
lovely imagery here
elaine
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Isn't it amazing the things people will reveal in public places? Hardly the place for the conversation these two were having. Poets are people watchers. I read this as fascinated as if I had actually been there watching them. Bravo for capturing the situation so fully to make me feel I was there.
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Oh. This is a nice poem! I've gone to Starbucks but I don't think I've seen as exciting a situation as the one you gave. I liked how you started it with the round table and the knights. I'm confused about the last lines though. It almost sounds like she's disappointed that he tried but I'm thinking that maybe I'm misinterperting that completely and so I'm just not sure. I loved the whole thing though. I could see it all playing out. It was good.
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