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I wait

 Missing image

I have been stripped raw...

 

A faceless layer of skin,

an encasement of bone and marrow.

My thread of survival,

has whithered away,

as I slowly drown within,

life's taunted fluid.

 

Alone to fend...

    Alone to stand....

 

As each shattered piece

returns from the past.

 

I crave to escape,

for my soul to be soothed,

to find the safety,

of my mother's womb.

 

Banished from the outer world.

       Creators misfit failure...

 

Now here I wait,

within a foetal curl,

for time to carry,

to be again reborn.

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • eleno
    February 15, 2008

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    i love the picture. its simply stunning. hmm, i liked the flow of the poem and the subject chosen, though in a way i found it a little confusing across the lines. but very fine overall. thank you for shairng, -elena


  • PouringRain
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow - the picture you have chosen is extremely striking and your choice of words exquisite. The use of italics creates an excellent emphasis on the message of the poem. One suggestion is when you write 'an encasement of bone and marrow' you could take the and out and put in a comma. Just think it might flow better. Also the last two lines, in my opinion, aren't explicit enough. I think they either need rephrasing or expanding on. Great write though and keep developing your work. Amber x x x


  • leander Moderators member
    December 28, 2007

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    This is quite a deep poem that you have written here, with a sad edge to it in fact. I really like the imagery you have managed to capture within the lines well done!

    Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
    Leander


  • opaqueangel
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very passionate write, it is filled with the saddedst of emtion that pours off the page as read. I really enjoyed reading this peice and it touched my heart. How very sad this peice amde me feel. The flow and structure of this peice was amzing and really acented the feel of what you were trying to a chieve within this peice. Thank so much for the entery and good luck in the contest!


  • warrior-eagle
    November 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is not bad at all. it was a good poem. Thanks for entering.

    ..Simply Me♥


  • WriteOrWrong597
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was really great. Very deep. I like this part:

    I crave to escape,
    for my soul to be soothed,
    to find the safety,
    of my mother's womb.

    Excellent flow and interpretation of the image. Great job and congrats on the trophy.


  • Dark Whispers
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutly love this poem, the powerful word and the vived image is what makes the poem great thanks for entering Finalist.


  • X-ForsakenAngel-X
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh i love the picture, i have often feel as this peom does, it is a very good write.

    Goodluck!
    ~tiff~


  • silverscent gold member
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That was quite different. I thought you had quite an interesting inspiration from the image...quite sad, lonely and tiresome. Thanks for sharing.


  • PerfectImperfection
    April 16, 2007

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    Such an awesome picture to inspire... This is very deep, painful, and filled with an uncertain strength. Your words here are so very poignant and filled with layers of uneased emotion. Another truly amazing piece!


  • ellipsist
    April 15, 2007

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    this is my favorite...

    of yours that I have read so far... It's so dark! I love the way you always use language that creates and conveys such great imagery....

  • PalmettoSky
    April 15, 2007

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    thank you for this one! I liked it. It reminded me of something very personal. you are an awesome writer. I always enjoy reading your writing. keep up the great writing. peace and light always, kp


  • Sedated Affection
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing Imagery! wow... for once I'm nearly speechless...nearly. I love how you've captured true wrenching, murderous heartbreak. A true broken heart kills you inside, leaves you completely hollow. Heartwrenching read but very thorough.

1 - 13 of 13