I sit alone
in front of
my broken mirror
with the glass all over the floor
as I pick up a sharp piece of glass
and start to cut myself
the dark room closes in
and my vines hang out
as I die slowly in my pain and blood.
A contest entry
- Pic Interpretation #3 by Sacrificial Love.
600 points, ended May 21, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Masterpiece by Aeonna.
450 points, ended April 21, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by fallenangel671.
800 points, ended May 6, 2007, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter! At your own free will.... by Erin200.
600 points, ended April 28, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - &&; this one is for anything. by animated lies.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EMO STUFF ONLY!!! I WANT TO FEEL YOUR PAIN by xlilliexdiesx.
660 points, ended May 9, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - an hour to kill and points to share by DancingRed.
300 points, ended April 29, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just Another Options Contest by Erin200.
492 points, ended May 7, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark.Emo.Dark.Emo. by BloodCrusted.
450 points, ended May 14, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness, Let Me See Your Darkness by AshesFromFire.
700 points, ended July 21, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I'll leave you a comment when you put what I asked for in the authors box.
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Um.
Is it a poem or a just random rant? -
Good but you need line breaks. Right now it doesn't look like a poem, just something descriptive that you would say out loud, or like a part of a short story. Paragraph form isn't the most aesthetically pleasing form of poetry. Love the pain expressed, even if not meant at literal (seeing ur still alive) but symbolically i like the idea of dying and coming back or part of you dying and you as a whole moving on. good job.
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a good poem, but I think it would be better with stanza breaks and stuff, other wise a good poem.
AmberAngel546 -
Brutally vivid and powerful. I didn't really care for the way this was set out - perhaps line breaks would give a more attractive result. And did you mean 'vines' or 'veins'?
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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it is too short and written in yellow. but thanks for entering
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Hmm... I was expecting a little more words and a little less cliche... Thank you for entering my contest.
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Mmmkay...
So, your "vines hang out as [you] die slowly in [your] pain and blood"?
Are you a jungle?!
And why don't you just get the job done with the shards of your broken heart?
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powerful emotion... good use some stanzas but at the same time i really do like this because of the message. GOOD JOB!
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see this is good, but for me it kind of lacks something more, it have the emotion and the feel, but you know something is just missing, you did a great job, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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excellent poem, it nicely suits 2 options actually, but i liked how it was combined flawlessly, i thought it could use some stanzas but its also nice the way it is, this was a nice emotional drawn write, it was a nice descriptive poem aswell, i could picture that actually happening, i dont have much else to say about this but, thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
keep writing
~Ashley~<3 -
Your poems always leave me so sad and worried. This certainly gives me a dark feeling that is sad and full of imagery. Your line certainly fits the picture...Quite depressing and hopeless at that.
Good luck in the contest! -
wow
very depressing and painfully, emotional poem, me like this. it's awesome.. good luck in my contest
red roses
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its only a sentance, but its a hard hitting one.
I can relate to this in a way, but not so graphic.
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Very deep sad and emotional! I didn't see the pic but you have shown a very deep pain!
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Wow....
this is...
sad...
very.
Why don't you try putting it into poetic form?
If you want to edit it, please do so and let me know when you have...
Thanks for entering...
xo
Heidi
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