When I was but a few days old
I was a bracelet made of gold
A simple circle with no charms
Just happy in my mother's arms
And then a shoe was put on me
To save my feet from injury
My life would never be the same
I'd never touch the soil again
Next came a burnished copper coin
To teach me that I had to join
A working world with bills to pay
No longer was it time to play
A dice was added to my chain
It told me that there's naught to gain
By risking everything I've got
To take more from the money pot
Last was a ruby studded heart
To show me that the hardest part
Of owning such a precious jewel
Is learning beauty can be cruel
When I was but a few days old
I was a bracelet made of gold
No sign of hatred, fear or strife
I'd rather live a charmless life
A contest entry
- Inspire me by RecollectionsUnited.
350 points, ended April 18, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Most beeeeeeeeutiful poems in the world by xXx-lizzy-xXx.
372 points, ended May 11, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of All Your Rhymes by One Angry Monkey.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Good Pre Writes With No Trophies by lindaburns.
2100 points, ended November 11, 2008, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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I'm a fan.
love this.
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Oh, the lessons life teaches us. Akin to the old adage,if I knew then what I know now". Very well worded.
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Another that i really enjoyed xxx welldone xxx
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At frist I didn't think this poem was for me, but I read on anyway and I am glad I did.
I think this is a poem everyone can enjoy- a universal concept clearly presented.
It is cool that you repeat the first two lines, but change the second two at the end. It gives a very tight structure.
Nice work! -
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Thanks so much - I know what you mean about not being too keen on the poem at first - it can come across as a little twee - I am glad you persevered with it and ended up liking it. Thanks for taking the time.
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wow !!!
that is such a amazing poem. you made me feel like i was home . you added such love with the simplist words and added a unique way of expressing your self . your poem is not only the most inventive but the one that makes me feel like i was the one who wrote it. Congratz on writing the poem ... you made me smile .
Zoe2007 .
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Hi - thanks so much for the comments and applause. It was kind of you to take time out to read my poem - I am glad you enjoyed it! Stephanie x
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THIS WAS VERY , VERY GOOD. nOT ONLY IT IT'S FLOW AND SEAMLESS RYTHM, BUT IN IT'S SEEMINGLY EFFORTLESS MANIPULATION OF LANGUAGE TO FIT THE SUBJECT MATTER. aN EXTREMELY CLEVER ENDING. wELL DONE, AND CONGRATS ON THE GOLD!!!!
Oops...caps lock. Oh well.
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A wonderful poem
I love eight count and perfect rhyme.
Jim
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Very nice! I love the metaphor. It's very unusual. The rhyming seems pretty good. It doesn't have that forced feel that makes me shudder. The last stanza wrapped it up nicely.
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Great piece!
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Wow... This is a fantastic write, and I love the metaphor of charms as life-experience. You have penned this creatively and with such eloquence. Well done, and best of luck in the contest!
Laura
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Good Write. Very vivid images that make you reflect, on the "circle" we call life and the tough choices we must make along the way.
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This is a stunning write. I can see why it has so many comments, it's a great piece. I've read a couple of your poems recently and you have a real talent for this. Love the metaphor, and how you worked it here. Beautiful!!
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Should you lose your charm we would surely lose a treasured blessing. As always a great expression of your heart. Best wishes in life and the contest sis.
Peace in light and love
Noah
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Hello, First To Enter Person.
I like your poem a lot. You use the same style I use. I like your message though a charmless life – I think – would be dreadful.
Please check “nought” in your dictionary. I think it’s “naught”. If all the entries are as good as your poem, this contest will be hard to jusdge.
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I don't really know how to express how much i loved this. your symbolism was great and this poem really set the bar in my contest. It's great.
Congratulations.
Good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
A very interesting write and well written with good rhymes. Thanks for the entry.
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Nice metaphor for life...I enjoyed this, and hope to see you in future PO contests.
Best wishes,
~J. -
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See rules. -
No ~
Ditto on Zachs' comment ~
....however, this was really a great PW ~
Thank you for entering, and I hope to see your work more often, as I can see you have some incredible talent which deserves recognition,
Bear ~
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No~
No graphics with your poems!
Also, I am not fond of such powerful end rhyme.
Sorry to come down so hard on you,
but this poem won't stand against some of your competitors -
A great write, loved the theme. The words just flowed together and you closed it wonderfully. Best of luck in the contest and a very Happy New Year!
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Oh this was such a wonderful poem! I love it. Love each word. You did such a wonderful job with this write. Best luck to you in the contest.
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Loved it
This was fun to read and I loved the last line. -
It just flows so well while accurately describing the things we "grow" through... and i love how you begin and end it... making us all now want a "charmless life!"
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Of owning such a precious jewel
Is learning beauty can be cruel
Great metaphor.
Very nice write indeed, good flow and well rhymed.
I like the way it told the story of a life.
Can be read more than one way.
Chris
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WOW
Wow! I love this so much and the metaphore really fits in with real life. I think this is so relevant to my life and everyone elses out there. I never thought of life in this particular way but I prbably will forever more. Thankyou so much for entering.
Goodluck!
Lizzy xx -
What a lovely metaphor. Although it's sad, the imagery makes it a very beautiful read.
An interesting reflection on life and how it damages us. -
Oooh, this is really cool. I was absolutely captivated by the title and the first two lines that I had to click, and it kept drawing me in to see what treasures would be added to the bracelet. Very cool metaphor. I also like that the rhyming was not forced, which I know is difficult with this sort of rhyming scheme. Congrats on a great write.
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THIS POEM IS VERY WELL WRITTEN AND WELL THOUGH OF! YOUR LINES AND WORDS FLOW MOST EXELLENTLY AND YOUR POEM PULLS ME IN TO KEEP READING!
GOOD JOB!
"Last was a ruby studded heart
To show me that the hardest part
Of owning such a precious jewel
Is learning beauty can be cruel"
THESE LINES REALLY STOOD OUT TO ME!
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Bravo!!!
This was brilliantly conceived and flawlessly executed! A wonderful poem! I loved it, absolutely loved it! Bravo...Bravo....Bravo...(did I say "Bravo?") BRAVO!!!
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This poem flows wonderfully....
"Last was a ruby studded heart
To show me that the hardest part
Of owning such a precious jewel
Is learning beauty can be cruel"
that is so beautiful...there are no other words for it but beautiful....Good job keep it up!!!!!!
♥Ashlee -
This is a beautiful poem. The usuage of the charms was great. I especially loved the first stanza. Your ryhme and rhythm flowed naturally. Great job. Keep up the good work. Mysty Rain
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beautiful
Last was a ruby studded heart
To show me that the hardest part
Of owning such a precious jewel
Is learning beauty can be cruel
When I was but a few days old
I was a bracelet made of gold
No sign of hatred, fear or strife
I'd rather live a charmless life
Those were my two favorite stanzas.
the ruby studded heart to show the hardest part of life, is love? owning someones heart? i will agree with you there fore you always have to be careful while being in love and being loved .
You rather live without the things that make pain for you and others, understandable.
this is a beautiful poem i really enjoyed it.
Blessed be,
Hecate
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Magnificent
Such a unique and different outlook on life. To write a poem using a charm bracelet is just brillant. I just love charm bracelets. As your poem states life isn't as charming as a charm bracelet. I truly enjoyed this write.
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This is a pure and exquisite piece of writing. The flow is extremely easy on the reader, the rhyme is excellent and language is not over burdening which allows readers of all ages to enjoy it. The entire poem creates vivid imagery of the steps through life that we must all take.
Your content starts off at a pure stage of life, follows through by adding each imperfection of facing growing up and then returns to the thought of purity being the best way to live.
Personally, I like it very much and enjoyed reading it
PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June.
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I liked this poem, and it really showed how the things in life that we often just accept, and view as normal, and required, can really be viewed as something that takes away from the beauty of life, and the beauty of nature. How society has corrupted the things men started with, and were content with. Good write.
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I loved that! Very smooth and a couple of the lines at the end of some of the stanza's were just beautifully written. Nice rhythm, nice rhyme, and I love that last line!!
Stephi
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oh wow, this is so sweet and strange how you can say you'd rather live a charmless life in a positive way, that's quite unique and I really enjoyed this. Your point makes sense but if we didnt have those charms, how boring would we be at the end of the day, the world should be run of love and hate, not indifference. Great write all the same!
***Strangeangel***
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i thought it was unique. it was such an interesting poem. i liked how you began as only a gold chain and as life moved on you gain a charm and a tid bit of advice.
my favorite part of the poem was stanza number four. it spoke to me. i could relate to it. good job! -
lovely
melancholy, yet oddly wonderful, well done. -
No sign of hatred, fear or strife
I'd rather live a charmless life
I can write thousand words more to praise you and your poetry here but no time...you please imagine on my behalf that I have praised you in this poem in many thousand words... wow..I like the innocency of this piece...
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Unique . beautiful and simplistically charming . great read keep penning . good lcuk u have talent .
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exelent
such a wonderful write. i felt a rush roll throughmy spirit as i read this awsome poem thank you
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Brilliant
BabyBun, this is just amazing. Your metaphorical and symbolic sixth sense is really striking. Your poems are deceptively simple in a William Blake sense, and are a real treasure to read and savor. Best of luck in the contest.
Keep up the wonderful works!
David Michaels
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What can I say? Beautiful, exquisite and magnificent!!!
Stephanie, your poems just shine! Your words bring passion, imagery and beauty into my life. The more stuff was put on you, your life got more complicated. And then, you ended the poem with simplicity. Fabulous! Like I said, you should be published. The talent is so beyond good!
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Thank you Marcus for your encouraging words! There is no greater pleasure in life than meeting someone who understands. I have found that in you, thank you.
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This reminds me of my charm bracelet...its hidden away in my jewery box somewhere...brought back memeories..thanks for sharing
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A beautiful poem. I love this piece. The charms represent different things in life. Good job and keep writing!
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Thank you for reading my poem - I am so glad you enjoyed it! Stephanie x
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