Life at Lakeside Manor.

I was angry at first, a simple accident changed my life.
Not only did I have to get used to the physical changes in me, but I'd lost my home. I was bitter and angry that first day when the ambulance delivered me to the residential home, I was expecting a bunch of old people dribbling in corners. I was shown to my bedroom which although bright and nicely decorated was small with little storage space and about a third of the size of my room before. Contrary to my expectations there were no elderly people but there were many people with very severe disabilities and few people with whom I could converse. I had to get used to sharing my space almost all day every day, with permanent residents and also those who came for respite for a week or two at a time, and honestly I hated it. I complained bitterly to my friends and rebelled against every rule. The first person to touch my life was a man with spinal cancer, staying for a week for the first time he was as overwhelmed as I was when I first arrived. He was a gentle man and although in great pain reached out to others helping them with things they couldn't manage. he was also a fantastic artist and spent much of his time working on portraits of children from photographs brought in by staff members. He shared my love of poetry also, and we would discuss favourite authors and share our own poetry. Too soon it was time for him to leave, and I missed him a great deal.Slowly I stopped feeling sorry for myself and began trying to get to know people. There was a variety of people with a variety of personalities and a variety of medical problems. Jade has MS she is paralysed from the neck down, she cannot do anything for herself but she is a wonderful friend with a very dry wit and a gentle kind nature. I have to admit that the first time she asked me to scratch her nose I was a bit freaked out and grossed out but I did it, in the past few months we've grown quite close and I invite her up to eat with me (a few months ago I was given one of the independant units within the building and I cook for myself, and have my own sitting room)when she comes to eat with me I feed her, and also assist her to drink and light her cigarette and hold it whilst she smokes. I enjoy this time with her,and she equally enjoys the change from the instituitional routine of the rest of the building. Matthew is a beautiful man of 29 with cerebral palsy, he is a bright inteligent man trapped inside a useless body and he's unable to communicate orally. He makes some signs and has the most beautific smile, Finlay and Vera are a couple who share an independant unit similar to my own. Vera like Matthew has cerebral palsy but she is able to communicate she can be difficult to understand sometimes, however is terrifically patient whilst I attempt to discern what she is saying. Finlay is also wheelchair bound, and though I do not know what his medical condition is, I can see the ways in which it affects him. These are just a few of the people who enrich my life everyday, there are many other residents whose resilience and bravery continue to astound me. People rarely complain about there lot in life, they just get on with living the best they can, for some that means enjoying a range of activities, visiting friends and family and having visitors themselves, for others there day revolves around the structure of the day and staing at the television or listening to the radio in between being fed and taken to the toilet. Some of these people are so institutionalised they perform on the toilet at the same time everyday and become distressed at the slightest delay. One such person is Joanne, she is quadraplegic and has difficulty communicating, however if you take the time to try she can have an amazing sense of humour. Joanne unfortunately spends almost all her time left alone in a room with just the radio for company, and lives by the routine of 8am breakfast, washed and dressed, radio, 12 lunch, 1pm toilet, radio, 3.30pm toilet, 4pm tea, 5pm toilet,7pm supper 8pm changed and bed. She rarely has any visitors, but about once a week her sister takes her out for a few hours. I felt sympathy for her to begin with, and could not believe this 'poor woman' was shoved into a room alone for the majority of the day. However it is her choice to do so, and she can join others to watch television if and when she wants. I consider myself lucky to have lived here and experienced life in residential care for the disabled, because it has given me so much insight, and I have met some wonderful people. However I still desperately want to move into my own place and have my freedom. The staff here have differing attitudes, some are wonderfully supportive and treat all of us with respect and genuineness like they would an able bodied person, however the other extreme are those who treat us like imbeciles and patronise and bully us. Surprisingly there are individuals working here whose attitudes can be far more intimidating and hurtful than those we sometimes recieve from outsiders. Society still discriminates against anyone with a difference, not just physical disabilities, but colour, religion, creed etc and until all people are treated equally I will continue to fight for the rights of those that cannot represent themselves. When I began training as a counsellor 5 years ago I had a slight disability and someone questioned then whether it was ethical to have a counsellor who was disabled in case it made the client uncomfortable, as someone who is now wheelchair bound with a virtually useless left arm at times and affected by muscle spasms which resemble an epileptic fit on occasions I say the same now as I did then...  absolutely ethical, and if someone is uncomfortable because of the type of chair I sit in they can damn well see someone else, and leave me and my skills for those who will look beyond the chair and see the person who will not judge their differences because I know how it feels to be judged. The physical challenges are exactly that a challenge, something to overcome and we can make a difference in this world and touch the lives of others sometimes more than an able bodied person ever could.