She was young and in love
He loved her so much
They were perfect for each other
It was love sent from above
She had a secret
He had to be told
Tonight he will know
With much regret
They met in the woods
Tears in her eyes
He tried to comfort her
But then he heard the sighs
She was with child
He was numb with shock
They were only 14 years old
His heart became locked
With anger that night
One he could not control
A thick fog rolled in
He thought, no one will be told
As the howling owl watched
From the big oak tree
He smashed her head
Then hung her in the tree
As the sun came up
She hung limp
In the sunrise
A stranger appeared, with a coffee cup
Just wandering around
Looking for his brother
He never came home last night
His mother sent him out to be found
Then his eyes were amazed
To what he had seen
In the big oak tree
He almost turned green
He took out his knife
Climbed up the big tree
Cut her down with a cry
Wanting to know who took her life
Then his brother appeared
With the lifting fog
Torn and battered
His brother felt what he feared
What to do next
With this beautiful dead girl
Hard for a brother
His mind in a twirl
Then the 14 year old boy
Took a knife from his pocket
Riped open his throat
His dirty bloody spill out with joy
For his sins have been released
He was now again with his love
His brother still holding this girl
With the love sent from above
Now both layed side by side
His brother stared at them both
For he knew the truth
She with child inside
For it was his
Not his dead brother's
With his heart empty and numb
He went home to tell their mothers
Author notes
DeadUntilDark
In a list
A contest entry
- Behind The Scenes by redmarkonthewall.
562 points, ended May 1, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surprise me! by Childsight.
650 points, ended May 23, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - options by everthesame.
850 points, ended July 18, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darker Than The Abyss by DancingShadowCorpse.
900 points, ended September 20, 2007, 91 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Truth Of Death 3: Anything Goes by Claudia Incognito.
300 points, ended August 26, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darken Us Up with Your Comedic Genius and Romantic Attitude by So Strange.
1000 points, ended September 7, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rocky Horror Poetry Contest by Sergeant Awesome.
500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS(enter anything you like)PW allowed by ExpectingMommy18.
900 points, ended October 16, 2007, 39 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Beautiful Lie by warrior-eagle.
650 points, ended December 30, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want a lot of poems... by love my jose luis.
900 points, ended February 21, 2008, 125 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Decide Who Wins - 3 by xxRainbowDawnxx.
650 points, ended March 5, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Spill Out Your Heart by KeepingTime.
375 points, ended March 14, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - " Life From The Dark Side " by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 3, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Inspired Dark Love [adult] by ennovy.
700 points, ended June 11, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark beauty by Maili Knephthan.
600 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feel The Pain On Your Skin by Strify.
600 points, ended June 18, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain poems, by Christina-is-crazy.
300 points, ended June 18, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARK AND TWISTED DESIRES 3 (FINALITY) by Darkend.
750 points, ended June 19, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - well....im not sure. by xrain dancerx.
600 points, ended August 22, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Graphic Dark Writes by November-Dani.
800 points, ended October 14, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Hearts by FleetingImage.
730 points, ended November 5, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - obscure Carroll and Poe meet reality of today by Dangerousparable.
470 points, ended November 5, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST!!!!!!! by SkitzoSkittlez.
700 points, ended August 8, 72 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter.... by Aalta.
700 points, ends December 5, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This was good. To be honest I have never read anything like this before ( that is in a good way) It was amazing. I really enjoyed reading this. It had some strong emotions and feelings flowing in and out of this nicely done piece. Thanks for entering and best of luk too you in the contest!!!~
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This write was very bold and clear, it went from happy love to gory death. Some stanza's were slightly better than others but that gives the poem layers. This is the kind of poem I enjoy to read as it keeps me intrigued. My faveourite lines were: '
'As the sun came up
She hung limp
In the sunrise''
Because in these simple words you have described so much. This was a fabulous poem so,
Well done,
Good luck,
Thanks.
xYx
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wow i like this write. it was interesting and different. thank you for entering anf good luck in the contest I hope to see you in the second round
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Wow, this was an amazing write, It was not what I expected at all.. The ending was jaw dropping!!! I enjoyed reading it.!!!
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WOW! great frickin write. this was so beautifully dark and pain filled. nice job and best of luck in the future.
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hmm that was .. graphic. what an interesting story you told. i was intrigues. thank you for entering this in my contest and thank you for following my rules.good luck
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wow.. that was intense
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I like it but it doesn't follow my ONE rule. Also It probably wont win due to the amount of wins it already has....
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Nice write.
I like thew flow to it.
best of luck.
-Buster
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this is a good write..kind of blunt though..but it is a very nice write...Thank you for your time and entry..and if you are interested then you can be part of the family I am making for me here on ap.
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congrats on all the trophies and well deserved they are this is a great poem.
thank you for enterign and good luck in the contest -
• if you would please space your name out in your AN like this : X x D r o w n . M e . D r y X x . Just out a space between each of your letters. Please. If you chose not to thats fine but i would like you you give me a reason. Thank you for putting your username in you’re an but I need it spaced as previously specified.
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done
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This is really touching of the heart and mind and soul.
The flow and wording is perfect and the slight rhyme near the beginning is enough.
Keep up the good work.
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wow just wow , thats such a touching poem - hugs- im so houered to read it keep righting
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...the concept is good...there aren't many poems where you get a murder with that much detail so it's interesting...I like the soulessness of the killing as the description of the people just being definite articles without names make it seem more like this is an every day thing...very well written...
Oliver
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"As the howling owl watched
From the big oak tree
He smashed her head
Then hung her in the tree"
Disturbing but it fits my taste, a very sad poem As well as the ending "For it was his Not his dead brother's" I love the twist, very good writing, a wonderful poem, although sad. -
Thank you for entering the "Celebrating Poetry and Poets" competition". I have to say, though, that you seem to have misread the rules. For I can find no allusion in it to either poetry or poets. I wish you success with it elsewhere - but for this competition it really is a non-starter.
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will comment and read when you fix your author's note
(message me when you have done so)
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I have fixed my author's note...all done
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The story told here is one of pain. It's very unique. I love it. =] Good luck.
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his dirtyy bloody spill out with joy i loved the line
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oh my god this was very tragic and i can see why most of the contest you've entered have won your trophies...this poem was just breath taking and it's, like i said, took my breath away...good thing i type and don't say...i loved this poem and i have to say you have just moved some people aside...good luck.
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Tragic. I enjoyed it!
How very tragic. What inspired you to write this? Love the ending! -
good work
WOW! that is amazing! i love it its touching its heartfelt. well done best of luck -
ty & gl
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Kudos!
Very well written, and very unexpected. I like the way the flow jumped and meandered at times, kept me locked and distracted at the same time. Loved it, and congratulations.
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This poem has won so many trophies its rediculous, but this wonderful poem definatly deserves it. So well done, thank you so much for entering and best of luck.
Dani. -
I like this. The dark twist of love can be a complete suprise. Thank you for your entry.
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Dark!
Wow.... great twist my dear! I do love a dark tale!
Best of luck!
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OMG....! i loved this poem beyond words! so sad but yet u told it beautifuly. awesome job! good luck and thank u for entering the contest!
*hugs* tay. -
Wow, dark, sad, painful and even a twist at the end. It read like a story but flowed like a poem and I liked that about this, thank you for entering and good luck.
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this is great but i also have alo of othr good rights and you have one alot on this one therefor do not take ofence but i shal give someone else a chance
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The words are interesting, the conext--appealing. It was shocking, and surreal. Maybe dive a bit deeper. Make it less gruesome but keep it rhymtical, morbid, twisted. For me, seeing the numbers of their ages made it too real... but then too surreal with all of the dark emotions and things that happened... maybe find a balance?
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Very Amazing Story.I regreatfully have to eliminate you from the contest only on the reason there was a 30 word limit.Wonderfull read however.
LEL
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So powerfull,I loved this read, however I have to disqualify your Poem due to the amount of words.I ask ed for 30 words. I truely am not wanting to do this because it is such a good read. God Nless & keep writing. LEL *rose
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Oh my, I think I've read this before in my other contest! Hah, that's awesome! That was a couple months ago, but yet the impact when I read your poem still gives off the same emotions! Very powerful and sad, and lovely story as well. Thanks for entering!
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This was a horribley sad poem,
You have quite an imagination, the story line was so so sad, for everyone concerned. *SNIFF, SNIFF*
Good luck in the contest -
Wow, dark, sad, painful and even a twist at the end. It read like a story but flowed like a poem and I liked that about this, thank you for entering and good luck.
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um...you broke my rules...This is a very beautiful poem. Thanks for your entry.
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Wow. Breathtaking and dramatic. It's a great epic story. Nice job. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Im quit concened by this poem.Very graffic,as if you were trying to tel me something!Great write
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wow wonderful story you should write books maybe. I really eenjoyed this greatly. thanks for entering.
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wow..this is very dark. I love it. the ending is...amazing. this is very well written.
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Wow very well written. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck
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Hi. I know you entered this to show off your skill but would you mind also making another entry. I will open up the contest so you can enter more than once.
I want to write what I call a 'ginga' (a made up word for poetry)- it is a short snappy jingle of 2 to six lines that will make the entire audience of AP root for you when you perform in the slam. Something like an ego trip that shows off that you are gonna win this slam hands down. I listed exammples in the contest- please read them. Thanks, Duana
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Oh I get it- you are entering a sample of your poetry and how brilliant a poet you are. Very creative and great job. I must say this is a brilliant poem- and so so sadly disturbing. Good job.
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Tragic and romantic
This poem is so tragic and scary, but romantic. Definately a dark write with a little twist thrown in. Well done. Thanks for entering and best of luck. -
Dark and lovely. Tells a tragic story that is intense and heart rending. Well done. Racked up a few trophies with this one, eh?
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More like interesting dark prose.
It feels like this all just flowed right out of you.
Well done!
wolf
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Wow.Ok this was not quite what I was looking for but it was very dark. I liked it a lot
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This one of the most beautiful poems iv ever read.
I really like this.
I have no clue how people get ideas like this.
It was a bit longer then i wanted.
but i loved it.
Becasue it told a wonderful story.
Thanks for entering my contest
GOOD LUCK
♥ Christina -
Wow! That was absolutely beautiful!
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This was a truely wonderful write. I really enjoyed it but I don't know if you read the rules you were suppose to put "I am wonderful" in the AN. This write is very well done Thank you for sharing and good luck in my contest
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Great write, very dark and I also like the twist at the end, well done. Thanx for entering and good luck!
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wow, this is like Romeo and Juliet, except different. The start of the poem makes it seem like a happy poem, what a twist.
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Nice write, loved the twist at the end, you are truly a story-teller. Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest.
Novy&Brazos -
Oh what a dark sad tale of romance. I loved that twist!The child turning out to be the brothers.....and that brother having to tell both fanilies...Thanks for entering.....novy& Brazos
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Great Story
I really appreciate the detail and the plot of this. It didn't flow and in some stanzas seemed disjointed, but the effort was flawless...good luck -
A very difficult piece to comment on so I will just say that you did an excellent job of telling a deep dark story. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest
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this poem tels a great story. thank you
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there is not much i can say about this write except for DAMN
thanks for the entry
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it seemed really long...well it is
it seemed really long and yeah...
i had to read it like 4 times before i wrote this comment
i like the 7th stanza the most
thanks for entering -
The start of the poem is really promising and has the "young love" feel to it.. brings back memories, makes one smile. But then it goes really.. angsty like I could feel my heart breaking when I read these lines:
"She had a secret
He had to be told
Tonight he will know
With much regret
They met in the woods
Tears in her eyes
He tried to comfort her
But then he heard the sighs"
Emotionally, I can very much relate to this because I've felt like this sooo many times. Sometimes, it's so hard to speak, isn't it?
"As the howling owl watched
From the big oak tree
He smashed her head
Then hung her in the tree" - OMG! This shocked me!
I wonder who the father of the baby was?..
The ending very much reminds me of Romeo & Juliet. Except the girl was pregnant. But yeah.. very shocking indeed. I must take a deep breathe now, lol. You caught me off guard!
The way you shocked me with this poem is amazing! I just don't know how much I could take it.. I usually prefer happy endings because I'm very touchy and get sad easily. *SIGH*
Blessed Be,
~Evolet
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Was looking at the entries in the contest ALMOST ANYTHING GOES and I saw this one and was like hey that looks familiar! You won silver in one of my contests! Again good write and good luck to you!
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Ohhh I'm sorry I said it had to be a short poem. this is 78 lines way over the limit. better luck next time.
~Ruth~ -
Wow... This one was definitely sad, very creepy. But I'll tell you, the last stanza hit like a load of bricks, when you mentioned abut the brother... That added a 'wow' factor to it for sure! Well done, and good luck!
Laura xxx
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Shancy was your judge for the contest… Because of the abundance of entries... we are having trouble getting two scores for each poem...I would just like to thank you anyway for entering and participating in our contest and good luck,
~luminescence
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I love the poem, but it seems you rushed to tell your story. I'm commenting quickly due to the volume of entries. Your score is: Title:10 Diction:8 Syntax:8 Wowness factor:10 Total:36. Thank you for entering and participating. Good luck. Shancy.
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Nice twist in this. I found it more sad than scary though. The rhyme was a little forced and clumsy at times, but the story was interesting. Thanks for entering, and keep writing!
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Good.
Beautuiful way to tell a story!
Thanks for entering and good luckk! -
oh wow this is powerful,
i like the storyline alot,
and the effect it gives the reader,
good luck in the contest,
love Elektra xxx
*leaves a rose* -
This would definitely make a thrilling story.
What a wonderful piece! -
OMG!!! This one really held me captivated! It also gave me goosebumps that won't go away! Thanks for posting.
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Oh my! You are an amazing story teller, such pathos. The ending took me completely by surprise. Kudos.
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Wow this is amazing. One of the best peices i have read. Absolutely fantastic and really stirred my emotions. Fantasic.
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Breathtaking
Simply amazing. I absolutely love it. I had to read it twice it was so amazing. I'm surprised you haven't won a gold trophy for this piece. -
aresome poem
I love the poem but I think you need to review the rules
thanks for entering it's amazing -
A wonderfully written tale of woe...
WOW - what a awesome masterpiece this is! Congratulatiopns are also in order for each and every well-deserved trophy you've collected with this poem!! I'm glad to have come across your thought-provoking, heart-felt poem today... Thank you for giving my muse such food for pondering!!! Peace, Cyn
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woah! that was amzing!!!! very hard to make a poem with a twist!! you did it perfectly!! Keep it up!
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Well written story of tragic love...the ending was well done with a strong twist...ever suprising and nicely done...
Best to you! -
WOW
This was like wow.
Blew my brains out!
Loved it.
it was amazing.
so much emotions.
Thanks for entering.
Best of luck.
unbreakable♥ -
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Thank you for commenting on my poem for your contest, "Within The Thick Fog," I am glad that you enjoyed it, thanks again
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wow o.o"
That was an unexpected turn of events! I didn't see that coming not for a second. Nicely done!!!!!
jeeze that really blew my mind! -
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Thank you for your comment on my poem, "Within The Thick Fog," I am glad that you enjoyed it, thanks again
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This is a good poem. Thanks for entering. Good luck.
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I was not expecting that twist at the end! But ohh, that was really heartwrenching... Beautiful write....thanks for entering!
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THIS! is definitely innocence LONG gone.
THanks for entering my contest,
hope you do well
Wow.
This was sad
and heartbreaking,
and the "innocence"
of today's generation..
is long gone.
..Simply Me♥ -
Wow
I loved the imagery and the emotion well writen and touching. Good luck in the competition.
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Congrats on all the shinys!
A great piece, love the twist at the end...very creative and well put. Best of luck in this contest with it
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This is a very strong poem, it made me sad but yet it was kind of happy to know that the two loves were together at the end. Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest.
~Maria -
aww,so sad,luved it,thanks for entering the contest!!!
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I love how its in part tense and its happy at the begginging. It kinda gets me excited to know what went wrong. I like this. I know this pain very well. Good job and thanks for entering
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Forgot to put this...
Thanks for entering. Good luck.
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The ending was unexpected.
I thought the boyfriend
was made because the girl was going to have a baby
and that he wasn't ready for a child.
Amazing.
Yet spooky in a way.
Nicely penned. -
Deep!
This was a very good poem! Thank you for directing me to it. It was deep and told a great story. The ending came as a suprise, nothing like what I was expecting. Excellent job with this piece!
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wonderful and amazing
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wonderful
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What a bastard, impregnating his brothers girlfriend and letting him kill himself and her for it... cheeky wanker. But yeah, this is a sad story and sick in its elements. I know some people who would probably consider this.
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