Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Boat Ride

      

 

 

            I shot the rapids;
            surf, white frothy and rampant,
            demanding and torturous,

            the turbulence,
            energising -

            I loved it.

 

 

            The debate was over.

 

 

            [And all the words I knew
            I would not say,
            popped across my tongue
            like illicit sugar candy.]

 

 

            A wall of ocean waves
            carried me out to sea,
            my mind; a cocktail
            of dizzy mermaids
            and swollen thoughts.

 

 

            And now, in the calm of me,
            I lay back immersed
            in the brooding night;

            layers of cobalts and

            whisky creams

            stabbed by star dots,
            each one a secret
            yet to be discovered -
            as if I alone, could reveal
            their still silent mystery.

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • leo2
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I hadn't completely nailed until I read your comment but I did have the feeling it was about finding love amongst the chaos life's emotions. If only the stars could reveal their secrets. Best of luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • individuality gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    some fantastic imagery here, fast and furious to begin with, an emotional ride, the waters splashing up, then a relaxing ending. spill ink and splash me lol


  • UntitledScream
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really neat poem. I love your metaphors and the descriptions you use are really unique. I love these lines:
    "my mind; a cocktail
    of dizzy mermaids"

    This made me smile, but its still a bit dark and morbid when you think about it. Well done, and good luck in the contest!

    Love Linzi


  • Biciaksr
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    mysterious

    what a lovely and mysterious piece...it makes me think of summer and winter at the same time with its intersting lines and meanings


  • forever dreaming
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Deserves a trophy !!!!!!!!!!

    Wow, yet again you have created something very powerful here. The language you used is simple yet gives the poem a real feel of elegance and emotion. I loved that candy stanza, great metahor and imagery. And those last few lines. The stars are something that often fascinate us writers and their mystery leaves us all yearning to delve deeper. I believe you have a winner with this piece. Jam packed with emotion and provoking images. Well done


  • Laura
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    THIS IS AN AMAZING POEM YOU HAVE CRAFTED YOUR WORDS ARE UTTERLY AMAZING WELL DONE AND GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST XXXXX
    LAURA XXX


  • MiZZ-AmAyA
    April 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    The third stanza is simply wonderful. I love the comparison between words and candy...amazing.

    You have amazing imagery throughout this entire piece.
    ex: "my mind; a cocktail/ of dizzy mermaids"
    "layers of cobalts and/ whisky creams/ stabbed by star dots"

    This was amazing. Splendid :-D. Good luck in the contest.


  • Floorboards
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    brilliant

    hi there, i absolutely love this. your choice of words is fantastic and the imagery superb. thank you very much for entering my contest and good luck to you,
    Alex


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oo i really liked this piece,you used a ton of great descriptive words,and each one made this poem sound amazing! great job and good luck in the contest, im sure you will do great!

    XoXo and God Bless,
    OnlyInMyDreams

  • pruedence
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the last verse..it takes you away with imagination and words usage...nicely written, thanks for sharing

  • Bad Bill
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is intriguing and beautifully-worded, even though I don't understand what the hell it's about!
    Puzzled,
    Bill


    • sarajaneUK
      April 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hello Bill, ty for reading and commenting on Boat Ride, much appreciated!!

      The first verse is about my life, the ups and downs, and no matter how many trials there are, i get through them, and also is saying despite all these trials, i love life itself, i enjoy being alive.

      The debate, is with myself, whether i should continue my life alone, or allow myself to fall in love. Although i had decided against it, in the end there was no choice [all the words i knew i would not say etc...]

      The wall of ocean waves, is the power of love itself and the effect is has on my mind.

      And now, even though in love, and i feel calm and tranquil, i still have dark thoughts, [brooding night], if it will last etc, the star dots are the undiscovered parts of me, the passion and sensuality, which i know i cannot unlock alone.

      Of course in reality, i'm still shooting the rapids, but i do live in hope!!

      Janice xx


  • deercatcher
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for what this sent through my soul...

    The comrauderie of the boat ride; struggling together in relative safety. Getting outside of yourself and being the conciousness of nature; the first time nature can contemplate; as we are nature. Just the right amount of identification with out the intimidation of storms to kindle the warmth described. And I wish I had the volumes written in my mind that never make it to paper... Congratulations on the measure of peace achieved.

  • That Boy
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You are a very articulate writer, boasting a strong vocabulary. And yes: I agree, reading your poem has been a lovely poem. Check some of my writing, im new and would love your input. Wayde


  • Erin200
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful poem. Good job and keep writing!


  • always feel pretty
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Good poem. It was really well written. I, like Onyx-Rose (comment below me) thought the wording was awesome. And yeah, good luck in the contest!

    peace, ♥ riley gal


  • Onyx-Rose
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, thats amazing. The title more described what the poem took the reader on, at least in my little mind. Beautifully done, I love the wording. Keep up the good work, good luck in the contest, all your future works, and God bless.
    Onyx.

1 - 17 of 17