Holding on to memories
Melting from your smile
Laughing at your enemies
Admiring your style
Digging deep into your heart
reveals a priceless work of art
Within your arms all is right
Stay with me and hold me tight
No need to rush, take your time
And then one day I’ll call you mine
let us enjoy what we have now
not trouble over when and how
The only thing I ask is this
What did you feel in our first kiss?
For with that kiss I was infected
and to you I felt most connected
…
Days pass without your invitation
As I start to make a realization
Funny how you’re always drinking
Anytime it’s me your seeking
I push the thought out of my mind
when suddenly my lips you find
You tell me that you really care
something that you rarely share
And so my body you explore
which makes me want you even more
Your fingers slide across my waist
Your luscious lips are mine to taste
Since I’m falling hard for you
I wish that we could make this true
With words sincere I make my plea
Lets make this known to all who see
Defensively you make a stand
This wasn’t something you had planned
You tell me that it’s too much stress
You do not wish for such distress
Blinded by my love for you
I hang around without a clue
There’s only one thing that you want
But my hopes you never seem to daunt
…
Now any girl should finally see
That we simply weren’t meant to be
But with my naïve heart unguarded
any sense was disregarded
Weeks pass by without your touch
I miss your precious lips too much
I all but beg to be with you
But always fail to make it through
…
I’m not sure why you pushed away
after all the things you use to say
As time goes on we drift apart
Nursing my now aching heart
My time with you is less and less
But still these feelings I possess
I can’t let go without a fight
I battle tears most every night
Now hateful words escape your lips
Suddenly my whole world tips
I can’t perceive what brought this change
You wandered so far from my range
Each night that passes you get worse
Now seeing you becomes my curse
My soul is crying out in pain
Confused as hell by your disdain
…
Now months are gone, you’re still the same
My sanity I can’t maintain
A new girl you have now befriended
The very thing I apprehended
And to this girl you finally say
Three words I’ve yet to hear today
I know that you and I are through
but forever I will still love you
My hopes are gone at my dismay
Witness now my slow decay
A contest entry
- Title contest. by forget my memories.
800 points, ended April 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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WOW
Damn. I certainly did'nt expect this from the title. This was great. Well thougt out and well written. Truely a great write. Great job.
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exactly
I have felt this way so many times. I am 38 and this feeling never seems to get any better. I keep hoping for some light at the end of this dark tunnel called love but where I look none is to be found. Good write. Nice flow. I can definately relate.
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Your emotions come out very powerful in this write, Leaving the reader feeling the bitter bite of your tears, Yet I also felt sympathy here, As you tride to save this relationship, You are a very powerful poet
With an amazing heart, And you've shown your own strength in the depths of each of your emotions thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work..
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no need to thank me, it's I who should thank you. Thanks for reading my work and leaving such wonderful comments. I think perhaps I'm too emotional at times, and make a big deal out of little things sometimes, but then I suppose that makes for good poetry.
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You yourself are a good writer...you expressed many of my feelings here in this poem...but I don't quite agree with "but forever I will still love you". I have found its better to let the past be the past, no use dewlling in it. Also you don't want to miss an opportunity if another guy is interested in you by being too focused on the past...I don't know how many times one of my girlfriends did that. I have moved on becuase there is no use having feelings for someone who doesn't share the same as you.
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I have learned to move on, but he was my first love and part of me will always love him. I do have room in my heart for someone else who chooses to care though. I had a very difficult year and it took many nights of tears to realize that I didn't need a man like him, but I know I'm better off without.
Thanks for the compliment, I keep trying to improve my writing every day. -
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Yeah I guess its true that you never really forget your first love, but you are a young women who has an entire life ahead of you. You will find someone to replace that void in your heart eventually. Don't give up, thats what I have been telling myself over the last few days.
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wow
that was unbeleivably good...you are a very very strong writer...and you mess with the pathos like they're at your finger tips...This is one of the best poems i've seen in this type of writing...so amazing...i was overfilled with the emotion coming from it...excellent!
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Thank you again. This was a very emotional write for me. It pretty much sums up my feelings of what I had and then loss. I suppose with each piece of poetry a piece of my soul is revealed.
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Amazing write! I loved it!. So much emotion. Great job!
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thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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The story told here will be relatable to quite a few... The rhyming is quite good... but you do have to resort to yoda talk in a few places ("my lips you find"). It's tough when you want to have the verb at the end of the line I know. Don't worry about the length, the story holds the attention just fine.. and although the title of the poem seems like something I've read a thousand times, I do think you have a somewhat new approach to this.
Good work. -
Very nice compelling even great write
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**speechless** You know me, I'm never speechless, but now... **crickets chirping**
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Amazing!!
You had me hooked the whole way through, it brought back so many memories of the kind of "Once upon a time" feeling I get, I really enjoyed reading this, wonderful work!
***Strangeangel*** -
This is a really good poem biut when you wrote this sentence "I battle most every night" it would of aounded better with "almost every night" but other than that the ending was brilliant and I really like it it is a very well written poem. good luck with the contests and all the best
cass xx
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You have a great connection between the title of this work the story throughout; the slow decay of the hopes of an individual... so much for it being better to burn then fade away, huh? Too bad my only real complaint about this work is also in the title. It robs the reader of the suspense that could other be found in the words of the piece. We pretty much get the idea where you're headed, and thats a shame.
The piece itself makes an excellent contest entry and I think should do well. If I could offer one last idea... your use of the word "scrumptious," while it is questionable whether it should ever be used by anyone, it definitely have no place in this piece. It gains you nothing and makes the reader laugh at an otherwise dour moment. I recommend removing it. Good job, otherwise.
Good luck in your future works.
~Das
PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June. -
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You make a great point about the title, but I did have to pick a title and write about it. So for the contest the title must remain.
As for the word scrumptious, yes you're absolutely right. I guess I just threw it in there because I was getting frustrated with that stanza. I will change that ASAP.
Thank you so much for your helpful advice, I really appreciate it.
I'll check that contest out, thanks again.
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Wow i love this poem. Its very long. which i really ushualy dont like at all but I love it a lot. the flow was great the whole meaning behind it was wounderful i think as i girl we all go threw this wanting to be with a guy we know will hurt us in the end but we stay with him because we are in "love" but it just never turns out right. great write thank you so much for entering my contest!
♥sam
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