While wandering aimless in the wood,
I found a place where wonder stood -
A lonesome place along a brook
That trickled past me as I looked.
The sunshine filtered by the leaves
Fell down about and captured me.
I looked around and as I did,
The dancing brook grew tense, and hid.
The bubbling stream and babbling birds
And croaking’s wild that I had heard
Silenced as I stood underneath,
The moss-entrusted willow tree.
Sitting down, I paused and glanced
At boundless beauty and romance,
The scene was set; the props in place –
But only solitude there embraced.
The glistening eyes from under boughs
The forest children soon aroused
And wandered out to look at me
Sitting beneath my mossy tree.
The forest nymphs and water sprites
Sang around me – and despite
My presence, they did sing and dance
And watching them I was entranced.
I then awakened from the dream,
And walked and left that little stream.
And never again there, did I find
Such joyous music, from my mind…
A contest entry
- Honest Critiques by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended May 14, 2007, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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nice i loved it... the simple flow and ur imgination..
its jus beautiful..
well keep the ink flowin
regards
abuyi
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Thank you for subjecting yourself to my review. This is a very soothing and easy to read poem. The meter is relazed and the rhyme does not seemed forced. I think that you did a very good job on this poem.
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Ooooh....I love the lines "I looked around and as I did/The dancing brook grew tense, and hid"! I like the fantasy-like mention of the nymphs and sprites. How beautiful and bucolic, but with such a sad ending. The rhymes seem effortless and simple to understand. What a nice poem
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I like your style, simple, flowing, and atmospheric. I like this poem in particular. It's halfway between cheerful and melancholy, and kind of makes you feel peaceful. Thanks for the comment on mine.
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What a lovely poem you have created, and it rhymes so well! You can imagine it so well in the reader's mind:
I then awakened from the dream,
And walked and left that little stream.
And never again there, did I find
Such joyous music, from my mind…
Such a bittersweet ending, you have done a skillful poem!
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Wow... this is magical... and then so sad come the end, finding it was only the dream, then magical once again thinking a human mind could produce such a beauty. I love how you rhymed so well! I could never do that, my rhymes seem forced if i do them so much, and you still managed to paint a seen so vividly
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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