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Victoria

I cried when I came home today
I heard that you were gone
Your mother took you away
She broke our special bond

She told you that I'm not your dad
I know that it's not so
For it's the reason I'm so sad
I just want you to know

You are an angel on this earth
You're like blood to me
I may not have been there at your birth
Still no one loves you more than me

I hope that you'll forgive me
For waiting oh so long
But I didn't want to be
Your step-dad was I wrong

No matter where your footsteps lead
I hope you're never sad
If there's ever anything you need
I'll always be your dad

Author notes

My ex took her to texas and I never got to say good-bye *******prewrite--option 9

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Lamia
    April 6

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    This is such a tragedy. I had a friend who faced a very similar problem to this one and it almost finished him off. They say blood is thicker than water, but I don't really believe that. I think the bonds you form whatever they may be are as strong as anyone else's...blood relation or no. This was a beautifully written poem on a difficult subject I'm sure. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest


  • Shantti
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful, and sad. Leaves me speechless, but it's such a beautiful tribute.


  • hawkeslake gold member
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is so sad. One should always be able to say goodbye... I am sorry for your loss, and hope the future will mend your heart. Your flow and rhymes here are very good, even if the meter is bumpy. The content comes through clearly and movingly. Best wishes in the contest.


  • Pureisolation
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful poem very sad but it is pretty. thank you for sharing this poem with me i really liked reading it.


  • in silver script
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that's so sad! I hope things work out! this poem was really good, the rhyming worked really well and didn't sound forced in the slightest, which is hard to find these days. great job and thanks for entering!


  • PureRomance
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very beautiful poem and you did a marvelous job with this. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a child can be difficult to all I know. If you ever need a friend I'll be here for you to talk to. God bless you my fellow poetic friend and congrats on winning the trophies for this that you have and best of luck from me to you for the contests that haven't been judged yet. This poem deserves the gold. Keep up the wonderful and exulberating gift of poetry that you have here.


  • hey charlie
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good write. I know from a kid's point of view how divorces screw everything up. My dad ran away as a civillian contractor for 4 years in Iraq after he and my mother divorced. It's interesting to read something similar from a parent's point of view. Good job and thanks for entering.


  • make-me-feel
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful


  • dead-love-for-fun
    January 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    If it makes you happy I cried and I lost a kid too


  • Nishantshah2381
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    good rhyming scheme i must say

    Feeelings and emotions well penned down. there are some flawless manifestation of fervours. And brevity is the key to the poem.

    Thee theme here is elementary but as its personal emotions is attached to this i would not rather comment

    I appreciate you for avoiding maudlins in this write
    and end was sweet

    rating :

    content- 7 out of 10 for its uncluttered look
    vocabulary- 7 out of 10
    accuracy- 8 out of 10
    creativity- 6.5out of 10
    theme- 6.5 out of 10
    originality- 8 out of 10

    totals- 43 out of 60


  • Jeb
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow.

    That had to have been horrible, I bet you still suffer from it, and her too probably. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Atrophya
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Im very sorry. I really am. I hope your daughter knows the truth and that she will love you unconditionally anyway.Love is that way. I hope you feel better =[


  • forever dreaming
    April 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Despite the few little errors in this piece I love the sentiment and emotion behind it. I never met my father til I was 22 and then it was a major disaster. Treat this one like gold for she deserves it. Congrats in placing in the contest and becoming my new little sisters dad. Best wishes.

    • bluecollarlove
      April 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank You very much.It was a difficult time for her and I but we came through it great.


  • RhiannonMari
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    of the rhyme scheme, this is the one stanza that falls out of place:

    She told you that I'm not your dad
    I know that it's not true
    For it's the reason I'm so sad
    I just want you to know

    true and know of course are not rhyming, not even remotely. so that breaks the flow of the poem.

    though, regardless, this is a very moving poem, very heartfelt. that would be a very difficult thing to go through. thank you for entering this and good luck!

    • bluecollarlove
      April 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      slight misprint

      She told you that I'm not your dad
      I know that it's not so
      For it's the reason I'm so sad
      I just want you to know

1 - 17 of 17