Your callousness became your decay
I warned you should you ever stray
I'd cut your heart out with great pleasure
So now you know you've found your measure
Bitterness turns to exaltation
This power I exert with elation
These instruments of ruin here
As I sup your essence without a tear
Don't underestimate the wrath I crave
For you, my dear, are now my slave
As I cut your heart asunder
No chance to contemplate your blunder
Retribution tastes so sweet
I dissect each part and have a feast
I taste your soul, while flesh still pumps
Your glass of blood, I hold the trump!
A contest entry
- Describe what you see (picture) by MotherMachineGunn.
340 points, ended April 26, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Marvelous! wonderful revision! I like it very much, pat yourself on the back for a splendid piece in your pocket!
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
how gruesome 
Very clever take on this pic Mum. Best of luck in this contest 
xxx
-
Nicely done...I like the idea of a woman scorned. Nice rhthem throughout most of this one. The only critisim I have is in the last two stanzas...I like what you have to say, and I love the direction that it took. But the rhyming seems a little forced. I like the ending. But the rhythem get's thrown off @
"As I cut your pumping heart asunder
There's no chance to contemplate your blunder"
and
"Retribution tastes so aromatic
I dissect each part to see what ticked"
only to pick back up @
"taste your soul, while flesh is fresh"
then thrown off again by your rhyming "Fresh" with "Refreshed".
But job well done @ interpreting this piece A+ for that. Good Luck in the contest, if you make any changes be sure to let me know I would love to see a revision of this poem.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
hides ahind me pillow as i reads this lol mum it scary lol ...good luck in the contest xxx cheeky xxx
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