I wanted him
I needed him
You stole him away
I thought I knew you
I thought I could trust you
But I was so wrong
You knew how I felt
You knew I loved him
How could you do that to me?
You could have told him no
and now he broke your heart
I prayed for this
It sounds cruel but it's true
I hoped you would break up
and now I am happy
Now I may just have my chance
But I highly doubt it
I still love him
And now you don't
so go away and leave me
with him
Author notes
For a contest. Not my best but hope you like it
A contest entry
- Impulse by throwing the rocks.
1000 points, ended May 22, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
*nods*
I do see what your saying. Well I wrote a better poem (in my mind) right before I wrote this, I'd wish you had made prewrites because I think you would have liked that poem even better. Maybe you could read it anyway?
Thank you for your suggestion. -
I find it a little simple. You know, there's nothing here that strikes me as OMG AMAZING! No offense, I still think it is a good write, but I think you could've done better. Especially since you wrote in your Author's notes "Not my best..." I asked for you BEST something that WOULD move me.
The stanza: "It sounds cruel but it's true
I hoped you would break up
and now I am happy"
Seems a little weak. I think you could easily make it more deep, more meaningful. You PRAYED for somebody to break up, and now you're just 'happy'? Go BEYOND that.
Overall, good job. I hope that you can improve this poem.
Good luck,
Tori
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