I'm cold, unbroken
lost inside a nude idiocy of frustration
hatred and destruction of my skin
i've got nothing left to squander, all left in the labyrinth for araidne's ghost,
unsold and drunk beside the well
cold bevy of the mysteries that timed our passions
dry heaving
tears suit you well behind your eyes
sleeping damned in the temple
spinning out dreams for a glimpse at the vine
tempter, call me up and bind my sight
orgies played upon my sickness
burning depraved to bury myself in the first desert of my dreams,
chaos manifest, the perversity of my stomach split open for the feast.
it bares mysteries of intoxicants and the night,
visions of light curved along her ankles
oracle trapped me here against the wall
chained unfathomable,
i'm missing the safety of that infancy
instead possessed of a dried out proclivity i'm screaming,
waiting for the day when you'll find me at the precipice, terrified,
clawing my way inside her spine and laughing
gone and renewed
beaten from my body into a higher and more beautiful sadism
blood crusted over my lips.
the emblem of my escape into the mind
A contest entry
- On The Spot Creation by Draicon.
445 points, ended April 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? by LaurenLightning--x.
1200 points, ended June 18, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This piece is all over the place and way to obscure to not be accompanied by authors notes. Other critics that have come before me have observed your powerful use of written images to show rather than tell. I agree with them, but I can only say that this reads, in that sense, like a slideshow from Hell, without any interconnectivity between the vivid images. Clearly you have taken us on a trip, but where we started, where we ended, and where we visited inbetween, only you know. If your artistic talents extend similarly to painting I could see you doing cover art for NIN, and the like. Here, however, all we can do is shut up and take the ride for what it is.
Thank you for your entry,
~Das -
This is amazing.
Exellent use of words and such immense imagery.
I'm blown away.
I love the lines :
lost inside a nude idiocy of frustration
hatred and destruction of my skin
Well done!! I love this.
Thank you for entering and Good luck! -
Wow yes, this is just one of those poems that blows you away. Well written using good words to entice the reader with. Good luck in the contest you are extremely talented. I loved these last lines:
beaten from my body into a higher and more beautiful sadism
blood crusted over my lips.
the emblem of my escape into the mind
Ami
-
Very intoxicating and genius poem! I can't have enough of it. Will post in my bedroom. That's the advantage you have when you channel you are always on top of things
and have these visions of light you refer to. These lines -
gone and renewed
beaten from my body into a higher and more beautiful sadism
blood crusted over my lips.
the emblem of my escape into the mind
Very original lines!! Lots of expectations in progressive attitudes and behaviours. Overall i like it!! It's the matters of direction which count. xx
-
this is a very well written poem. I only have one critique, toward the end of the first half it's as though there is a thought and a half in a space big enough for one. Go through and make sure the way you intended it to be is the way others will read it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
