What is this flame that
Hides behind her quiet ways.
Gentle and serene.
Yet burning with such intensity
As to rival the heavenly orb
At the center of our universe.
How can it be that she is
Plagued by shadows,
Bound by thorns.
If only she might let me in,
For I would guard her fire
Forever more against all that
Seeks to quench it.
And from within that sacred space,
and with that sacred flame,
Would forge a mighty shield
Through which no darkened
Word nor deed shall ever reach her.
If I have been a light upon her path,
I am but a reflection of the light
That she finds favor to shine down
Upon me even in her darkest hour.
It is as even the moon,
In all it's glory would surely
Fall dark if not for the sun.
Forever shall I be...
The silent guardian at her gates.
Author notes
A work in progress...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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you've created great imagery all throughout the poem with just the moon, the sun, and love.
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I thank you for your kind words.
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"It is as even the moon,
In all it's glory would surely
Fall dark if not for the sun."
I would not add or take away anything written here. The progress is complete as far as I can see. Brilliant work. I feel as if you were speaking about me. As I am in the midst of sorrow right now and you have sent the angel of comfort with these words. I than you! Beautiful and so earnestly written. I hope she knows and accepts.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Thank you very much. I am glad that I could ease your pain in some small way. There are so many wonderful people that get caught up in lifes little obstacles and we underestimate the power of a few kind words. If you ever need to talk I'm just an IM away
Much Love Returned,
Ben
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I believe this is pretty much complete.. The imagery, the expressed emotion, the fire.. I would not alter a single letter.
But then, thats me..
Beautifull piece
Ev {o!-}
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Thanks for the input
I really appreciate it.
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I really like this. Never thought of love in a way of the sun and the moon, but you are deffinatly right about the moon going dark, for thats all it does, reflects the suns light.
Great job here! You got some cool imagry hidden and kind of... tucked away under some lines that takes a little bit of thought to get at, but its great.
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hmmmm... if you come back to change it i would like to read the revised version. this one was pretty. kinda made me jealous. LoL. no, I kid.
this is totally the opposite of the last two pieces i read/reviewed. It makes me wonder if your previous pieces were just solely for the contest or you freewriting... or if you write "personal" pieces.
i liked this... but having seen now that it is a work in progress, maybe it does need some tweaking, though I cannot point out exactly where.
maybe later tonight. i dont know.
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Actually the last two were probably more me at the moment LOL, but I guess I was in a good mood or something
I'm not really sure what it needs either. I figured I'd step away from it for a while and come back with a fresh perspective. If you have any ideas I'd like to hear them. All the stuff I write is inspired by my life in one way or another I guess, even though sometimes it may take a while for it to stand out to me.
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Wonderful
This invokes such beautiful images of the universe for me with a mix of stars, the heavens, knights. Funny but also Shakespeare. Reads somewhat like Fantasy. Great poem.
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now this was very interesting to read i love the story of the poem very well written and intriguing. keep up the great work.
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