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The Sound of Bedlam

 

 

 

 

Her hip aches with the rub

of steel that invades her,

eye of eye and nightcrawlers of night;
black snakes fall from the trees, slither soundless
and without bones the corridors
are dark dark darkly hidden
yellow hints of nightlight blotched

 


The rub is endless

& her hip aches still

she looks through

glass and curtain

to the calls of the rabid

rancid flesh seeps onto the carpets

round the clockface she counts

they come in and out


& wears a track

from the comfort

of a stranger, seeking time

tic                then                                         tocks

 

then                                    tic

                           tic

                                              tic

boom

 

                         bang

                                                           boom


bedlam crashes into the detox office

sits on the chair

& waits in tremors of the tattooed snake

on his back

in his eye

shadowing his bones

he wrings his hands out to her

like bells of Magdalene

he weeps saltpetre fireballs

smacks dry lips

& utters under his hood


 

 

                                        "O' for the love of God, wont somone help me?" 




 

And the whole world

goes up in smoke



 





 

 



 

Author notes

sounds of detox

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1 - 31 of 31

  • Lute
    April 27, 2007

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    bedlam place you go sometimes, dreary and noisy inside de head. babel, and bang bang bang. Sometimes, you not want to leave, nice to be alone. with only the shriek of the wind--it drowns out all the other noise you know. bang bang bang. bang bang bang. no heaven there with streaks of light streaming through, the loose change, banging, the doors banging. the voices banging emptying out ooze that slithers through the banging behind the before of the same thing over & over banging likes knocks on the door and what is expected anymore but sad looks and screams that are felt through the walls, and banging doors with people knocking on little squares with quaint hammers in that place where you are wrong to be banging the doors wrong to be sweating wrong to be staring wrong to be swearing at the banging doors, when you go there, bedlam, I mean, where it hurts to listen to the banging on the bars of there in the middle of sad eyes bangingbangingbanging if you dare.


  • Kendall Campbell
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    x


  • Whoochi gold member
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    excellent description of the maddening world here, I too myself ahve worked in the medical profession allowing me to work with these kinds of souls...and I too have been in detox, saved my life but at the time was so angry but there are definitly madeening...well written!


  • truembrace
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I worked in a "facility" once upon a time, my sophomore year of college. I remember the damnest images from that time, people that were not quite themselves enough to think they were gods, demons - and one that put on talc powder head to toe and screamed about that she was a "stay-puff marshmallow".

    Boy this poem brings me back...

    I do think this sounds like the beginning of a movie with the mood lit, the sounds described so well, and the format keeping us at attention.

    great write Gill!

    Kim


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Kim.... they certainly can evoke strong memories and makes us write... for sure



      so glad you stopped by


  • The Bear
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This world is like hell must be, raw weeping screaming wounds.


  • DogFish silver member
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ...as a word, "bedlam" is one of my favorites; it has an airy sort of lunatic appeal to me. But -"he weeps saltpeter fireballs"...!You put the word in a whole other light (I suppose its true light) and really make me take a step back out of my comfort zone. Another thought provoking poem, "Chilly"!


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    allow me to play.... because I'm inspired..

    I'd love to hear this:

    eye of eye and nightcrawlers
    of night; black snakes fall from the trees
    and slither, soundless
    backless and without bones
    the corridors are dark
    dark darkly hidden

    like this:

    eye of eye and nightcrawlers of night
    sblack snakes fall from the trees, slither soundless
    and without bones the corridors
    are dark dark darkly hidden
    yellow hints of nightlight blotched,

    which would run straight into 'the rub is endless'..

    and then -

    & her hip still aches
    she looks through
    glass and curtain

    which I saw some lovely weaving in so... went like this:
    hips ache though still
    she looks through glass
    and curtain.


    thank you...grin.. for amusing me..

    and the write is beautiful.


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow.

    This is stunning, the fragmented feel and the almost repitition work really well- and the play on words and alliteration is beautiful.

    This reminds of trainspotting--

    I really really love this piece.. I'd like to re-read it more and give a better comment, but i'm currently revising Homeostasis--

    " the maintenance of a constant internal environment "

    You know.. if i wrote that in every comment i left for a week, I'd remember it. Maybe that should be a new revision strategy. A new definition each day..


  • jantastic gold member
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    sometimes there aren't words


  • Emerald13
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    these musings (the detox hospital patient kind) take my breath away ... a world i have an inkling into but no great experience ... i love your embracing the exeprience and speaking from many viewpoints ... lovely ! ... very strong .. >>> gina

  • Bob Fox
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A great decription

    though never into drugs. I have seen what it can do to people. The wonder is why when the danger is possible death. So sad but a great write


  • Andu
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You describe pain agonizingly well... and i mean that as a compliment I was a bit lost on the first read, I have to admit, but then once I figured out what was going on, everything fell into place very nicely... but maybe that's just me, slow on the uptake, hehe.
    Anyway, nice powerful ending, I like how you ended with a deep cry from the bottom of the heart... and extended it, to draw the next scene.
    Well done


  • patsoldcat
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    loved the anticipation of the understanding of what was happening, but that is the nature of bedlam and asylums.
    not knowing or understanding till the climax and crashendo of life happening all around you.

    this is great


  • PerVirtuous
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I wish there was a little more context at the beginning. I was three quarters through before I knew what was going on. Having said that, the images were powerful and the content meaningful. Three bunnies.


  • Annalise
    April 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh. This is good. Yep.


  • Shadow Lynx
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very intense write but oh so exquisitely portrayed ,i found the tic tic tic chilling :s The whole poem created its own surreal yet disturbing atmosphere ,you are wonderfully talented ,ill be back


  • misselaineous
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    such realistic sounds in your words, such energy and pain and discomfort
    i hear every word and want to put my fingers in my ears and scream along too to drown out the clock!
    whilst having witnessed much of this from time to time i would never be able to write it and make it this real and honest
    as ever you capture the moment with alacrity and skill
    elaine


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Elaine... i know you've had many a dealing from the other side of the fence with kids of addicts and stuff...

      it's a hard knocked life for many...

  • Suzanne Dia
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    There is so much sadness there, you know, and I hate knowing I can relate to it, but I can and I know their pain. I'm glad they have you, and I remember the night rock bottom came rushing up to me...smacking me in the face.

    It's hard..harder when the dreams come.


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    If all nurses could write their profession and their life's work like this imagine the poetry!! But then, not all of them (not many I should say) are as talented a poet as you are, Gill. This poem is so real and I loved the sounds here...one of the things I remember from the few times I've been in hospital, were the sounds...the night sounds.

    Being in a similar profession you know I so admire the way you write your daily experiences and make poetry of it - I actually envy you that, lol!! Wonderfully perceptive - from both sides - the carer and the addict.

    You keep on writing these and I'll keep on reading, Gilly

    ~ Nicolette


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Nicci... it's so good to see you back here... i've missed your lovely words

  • BadExample
    April 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was very interesting, it'd be more effective if we could play with the text size, that would have been very effective....its very descriptive and thats a good thing and a bad thing because we get so caught up in the details that we miss what's actually happening...keep writing


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      not sure what you mean by playing with text size?? but thanks for dropping by for the read...



      Gill

      • piccola silver member
        April 13, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        there should be a text change button when you want to edit. After you click on edit and just above the poem, the words "rich text edit" or something like that come up. You high-light the part of the poem you want to change and you can change the font (letter style) the color of the text, as well as spacing and size. Hope that helps.

  • Bad Bill
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A disturbing journey into different states of "reality." This is very well done, imaginative and perceptive, with some great lines.
    Bill

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You paint the infusion of the menacing mania well,the presentation of the tic tic apart was a bit disconcerting so it worked,it added to the tension of the piece and compounded the bedlam,as ever,excellent,this portrayed the misery of the sufferer of delusions and the ache of angst of the carer,both trapped within the same time frame of reality but their realities being very different and scary to both,kudos nursechilly


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Yvette.... it can be like that at times... you are very perceptive

      many thanks for your lovely comment



      Gill

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