The old man we all did know now looks upon his life,
A mischievous but haunted grin, flickers to atone,
He remembers the joyeous fun and his personal strife,
The old man we all did know now looks upon his life,
He loved too much but not enough for his dear beloved wife,
The now solitary soul is laying there all alone,
The old man we all did know now looks upon his life,
A mischievous but haunted grin, flickers to atone.
His mind is full memories that flatter to deceive,
Life is drawing to a close, the moon is in his eyes,
He tells everyone his story, dont know what to believe,
His mind is full memories that flatter to decieve,
slowly he is passing, who is left now to grieve,
His world has gone now, flown off to happier skies,
His mind is full memories that flatter to decieve,
Life is drawing to a close, the moon is in his eyes.
A contest entry
- Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Macandrew Triolet contest by macandrew.
375 points, ended April 18, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I found this soothing. You mentioned the moon in his eyes and that caught my attention. If he is following the moon he will find sweet peace of mind.
Vampy
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While I enjoyed the content of the poem I found the flow a bit difficult. From looking at the comments below it could easily be my reading.
thanks for entering.
John -
I like how you leave the reader to paint the picture of this man in their own minds eye and I think I know exactly what this man would look like according tome. I think that this is a little dark, but I love dark so I guess it would be nice of me to say!! ILOVEDIT
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Nice triolet... I think I can almost see this man. See the age and the light fading from his eyes. Good job. Write on, poet.
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Beautifully written triolets. A pleasure to read for the smoothness.
Talia -
Very good! Nice use of words and subject matter and a smooth link between the two verses. It seems you've sussed the old rhymealamadingdong too
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Very mysterious! I like this a lot! A bit different from your usual write but still as good. Great job you've done here. Keep them coming.
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