Caterwauling cartwheeling rolls of smoke
Wave and billow, floating across the air
Below the ceiling rafters
Dissipating from the embrace of the fire
Into nothingness
Followed by another
Wave
Of ocean-like tendrils
Stretching to cover the immense darkness
Capturing the light
Rolling over like lovers in the night
In sinuous billows and twirls
Of white
Cold streams and funnels
Pour from the incense stick
As it burns in bright death
And creation.
Author notes
I love incense, especially watching the smoke pour from it as it burns. It's very hypnotizing.
A contest entry
- Power, Placement, Perspective by JM Kenyon.
900 points, ended May 11, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Now that's the way to get pull out the technicals :D This write is rich in technique, language and fluidity. Beautifully done! *hug*s and best wishes ~Genie~
-
The first thing I thought of was FIRE!!!!! I like fire. But I like squirrels more. I love the last four lines,
Cold streams and funnels
Pour from the incense stick
As it burns in bright death
And creation.
Bright death, the incense is burning, thus making it shorter, dying. Creation, the 'Caterwauling cartwheeling rolls of smoke'. Love this poem lots and lots. I don't think you should ever change it!
-
Exceptional
Wow, this poem is just tremendous! Your present continous verbs such as caterwauling, cartwheeling, rolling, billowing, and stretching create such a fluid
and slowly lyrical flow. A true delight to read and savor. Thanks so much for sharing this treasure.
(p.s. I really am not one for shameless self-promotion, but I just can't resist since you say that you love incense. You are more than welcome to read my poem titled 'Incensed' if you would like. It's the very last one on my list, or the first one that I posted if you will.)
All the very best,
David Michaels
Adding your comment:
