I could go "a wire"
with everything that's going on
all i know is that i am having these emo feelings
that i am starting to have prolonged
coping with rape isn't easy
and having a guy that cares
and is there
and yet you have someone who loves you
so far away
you love them both
you you cant have their dad put away
you got so involved with the other one
you could give something up
but youlove another
but now you don't know what is enough
all i know is that its there
and these feelings are torn
and both are there
i wish i only had one
but he's ten thousands miles away
it was a big regret
because you don't know how i wish you were here
i want to help you
but now there's nothing i can do
all i hope you know
i said always and forever
i will always love you
i know its wrong
separate;y emotionally involved
but i am regretting this
i wish this hidden pain could dissolve
either way i will always love him
and Kurt cant get at my heart
but then there is the sad thing
my body and heart are so far apart
uh oh...idk, advice?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hmm, well...
I think you did a good job expressing your feelings.
But not such a good job of writing a poem.
You had a few alright lines, and a few pretty decent lines, but then there were a lot that are too plain.
I like a poem that isn't always "Obvious" I like to come to a conclusion, or at least have to put the pieces together as I go through. Don't tell all the details next time.
Work on it a little, and you could really have something. People can relate to this sort of thing, and they'll love that, you just gotta put it in a form that they can translate to their own life, not just see as your's.
Love you sweetie.
Allura
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oh wow....sorry its taken me so long to comment on this one babe, i've gotten behind on commenting, lol. So wow...are you really going throught this? I hope that everything is ok, because you're really smart, you'll figure it all out, and you'll make the best choice for yourself.
but then there is the sad thing
my body and heart are so far apart
^That was sooo good, you ended this perfectly!!!! ily!!!
♥ B
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awww this is a great poem... i kinda understand whats goin on through ur head now... which is helpful to know how to help but yeah
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Aww it's so sweet, Samantha! I love the line or lines rather "but then there is the sad thing
my body and heart are so far apart." It was a great ending to the poem. I'm sorry about the whole Jeremy thing, & I don't know who Kurt is but I know a guy named Kurt. He's really hot. lol
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this is really good. But did this really happend to you? I gope not. This I thik you put in a lot of feeling sinto it and i think that you did a really Good job. If this did happen to you at all then you need to tell. I know from experence because the seme thing happend to me. I f you need some one to talk to I can talk.
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Its good to try and get the point across in this poem other than the few typos that were pointed out i like it goo djob =D
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there are a couple of typos:"but youlove another
but now you dotn know what is enough" ('you love' and 'don't') "i know its wrong
separate;y emotioanlly involved" ('separately)...and did you mean to repeat 'you' in "you you cant have their dad put away"?
on another note, advice? hum...well, you already know what I think...getting so involved with someone ten thousdand miles away is not wise...but I understand you don't want to just give him up...so keep a place in your heart for him, for the future, but live in the now, with your body and the guy who can really hold you in his arms...
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