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Path to Heaven

Rising darkness hiding the narrow path,
I follow to comfort a dying soul.
My light causing the trail to glow in bath
As I close in to my heaven-sent goal.

I spy a child struggling on this worn trail.
My heart goes out to them as they trudge on.
They spied easier path and start to fail
On staying on the trail to keep upon.

I rushed over and helped the little child.
When they looked up, they stared at me in fright.
"Are you an angel?" said him in voice mild.
"I am, and protected you from your plight."

"So, am I dead?" said the child in his fear.
"Yes, you are, but I will protect you here."

Author notes

This poem is a type of sonnet. I don't see many sonnets written now, so I wrote one for this contest.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you like about this poem and if I should change a line and what should it be?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Pollycheck
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. I agree with you, it is nice to see a sonnet once and a while. I really like the concept of this poem, but in some places the rhyming seems to be a little forced and the cadence seems to be just a little bit choppy. I have never been able to write a sonnet myself. i can never get them to sound right.


  • Angierie
    April 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Really nice!!

    I like this a lot!

    Great write and thanks so much for entering!!

    Angie


  • Twins 4 me
    April 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful and comforting! This is so good!!


    • Jadegreentiger
      April 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Jadegreentiger

      thank you for the comment. I like your name and picture very much. yes, I'm a christian (WELS-Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod)