fuck me
break me
tell me that you love me
kiss away my tears
and tell me
everything's okay
[i know it is
but i still can't help
but cry]
fuck me
break me
tell me that you care
kiss away my bloody tears
and tell me
that you love me
[i know you do
but still i cannot help
leaving you to die]
fuck you
[break me]
tell you i don't care
[kiss away my bloody tears]
and i'll tell you
([everythings's okay])
Author notes
'i am Me
dirty and broken'
hope you like it
A contest entry
- only one place....gold by denika.
300 points, ended April 17, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - what's your best? by Silent.enigma.
750 points, ended May 21, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
-
this is a good poem very well written alot of imagery I always loved all your writes but this one i just well i can really understand where you're comming from keep it up hun
xoxTasha -
Your bluntness in this poem is quite scary but it serves to make the point that you are cynical, broken and without conscience since your life has stolen all your purity and innocence away. The poem reflects your shock and bitterness at the way you have been treated. Hopefully, it is fiction not fact. Be safe. Tony x
-
"everything's okay"
I like this alot. I hope you find the light you need to shine into the void.
-
this sounds like a Garbage song. that's a good thing, if you don't know.
-
[i know you do
but still i cannot help
leaving you to die
nice work doll, i loved how at the end you turned it all around great write..
vanna -
-
thanks
-
-
I liked this.
-
this reminds me of my ex girlfriend when we broke up she loved me but never showed it and i left her i dunno it just reminds me of that time in my life. loved the style you chose to write this in it was very beautiful a full of pain*hugs* you are amazing keep writting
xoxo
tasha -
Hey, I really liked this, not the kind of poetry im used to, but it really caught my eye, specially these lines:
[i know it is
but i still can't help
but cry]
Fantastic write love.
-
-
thank you
-
-
Wow....
It is smashing!
I really like it!
-
-
you used the word "smashing"
-
-
LOL Thanks for noticing!
-
-
i know
i'm amazing right? -
-
LOL of course!!!
-
-
YAY!
but you're even MORE amazing! -
-
That is subject to opinion!
-
-
nope
it's fact
everyone knows that!
-
-
Sure...
-
-
nope, it's true, trust me
-
-
Ok! I trust you...
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
thank you
very much
-
-
Amazing poem this had such love with anger in it you can see the feelings were so rig your face i could feel this anger in me but then it turned in to just hurt this was amazing
-
-
thank you
-
-
i do like it
-
I like it.
I love it
<33
-
cant think of anything isn spicific to say
-
An amazingly strong piece.. And it made me think, leaving me with an uneasy feeling..
A brilliant write..
Love
X
Evert
-
hmm..
What is it about passion and anger and hate and betrayal and love that makes them all mix so together so sweetly to deliver just the right flavor? This is like something from my dreams... or from my stories. It was a bit confusing (i.e. - who is in power here? the speaker or the lover? or is it a power struggle between the two?), but that only adds to its appeal because love is confusing. Very well done. I like the style and tone. It fits well.
-
-
thanks for the comment
-
-
Very powerful piece. Well done, I like it
-
-
yeah, thanks
-
-
I love this! Amazing write.
-
-
cool
thanks
-
-
Great Write
This has a really nice flow to it, great job
keep the ink flowing,
~L_D_P~
-
Powerful in the scence
That this would make an awsome metal song, You show the crowd that the artist has stood alone in pain and anger and dealt with it really brilliantly thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work rob
-
very well said, I love the simplicity of it
love how you just said it, nothing more nothing less,
it really makes me want to cry because
I feel that way a lot
and I never know what to do and
it's great to see you be able to get it all out like that
keep writing -
wow is all i can say..... and i really like this one..
-
-
that's what everyone says
but thanks
-
-
i really love this piece. keep it up. if i had more applaud i would give you more
-
I love it. You get alot out there in just a small amout of time. It was an enjoyable read.
-
good write
thank you for entering my contest and i wish the best of luck. this is a good write and i enjoyed reading it. in a way...i can kinda understand and yet a lil confused. -
"fuck me
break me"
not only did this draw me in, but it rounded up every word i've wanted to say to anyone that has broken me down before, and put it on a simple "platter." Those four words make my heart melt. i love the way you have put this emotion. the shortness of the words remind me of when two people have a bad break up but call eachother later on to see if they can have a real conversation...and the conversation is nothing but simple while giving off the most powerful emotion in the most empty words possible. not sure if you got that, or maybe i'm just ramblingon.
The bloody tears i believe is self mutilation. when a "cutter" is filled with empty words and great emotion, blood is the best tear to shed.
thanks for sharing this write, it opened opened my heart for you. take care hun.
-tiffany thompson -
u really expressed how u felt in this poem and i really like it!! keep it up!
-
i love it...but i hate that i'm too young cuz then it keeps saying *bunny* and it's really disturbing
-
Good job.
This was pretty good. I liked the repetition, and how you switched it up every stanza. I also liked how you used simple words, yet they expressed a lot. Good job, and good luck in the contest
Jeanette*~
-
This is really great, you capture those inner words so well, I can just hear those words inside my head. Nice use of punctuation!
whisper
-
Great...
This really is an attractive write...thanks for sharing...
-
...O_.
jeshus motherfucking christ...
goddamn...fuck fuck fuck...
that's fucking awesome!
i love you!
*glomps* j0000
-
umm.....hum......no words for this one. I read it though!
-
nice
well done
-
niceness very compeling
-
this was good and flowed nicly..me likey
-
this would make a cool hard driven song...raw and powerful...well done ...thanks for sharing
-
-
that is what everyone says
but i still think it sucks, big time
-
-
Interesting ^^ hun. I like this, it's different than what the title seems <3
-
An extremely powerfull creation. Yes, these lines would make an excellent song. The structure is good, the rhythm is fine. Well done!
I just hope, it's not based on experience..
Love
x
Ev {o!-}
-
-
to an extent, everything i write is based on experiance
anyways, thanks for the comments, i do appreciate them
-
-
this one make a great song. I really loved it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 59 of 59
