My short hair's grown
since I've simmered down,
dark locks fall down my back.
My brows, once plucked,
now are natural,
and I don't wear any make-up.
My green gaze
captures many things
I used to stand up for,
I'm no soldier, but still entrenched in war;
my beauty's flown
as a woman torn
in life, I'm laid on tracks.
So I struggle.
A contest entry
- No Title: Just Come Have a Look by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended July 5, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Phyllis Stein
Gertrude's younger sister, of course.
Smug ignorance, especially about aesthetics.
But that's not you. -
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it has been
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I'm no soldier, but still entrenched in war
that line rocks
I like the litany of change; the image of 'laid on tracks' caught me - chartered course, or captive and helpless? the 'struggle' makes me see the heroine and the last-minute rescue, but the words are from a woman who knows there is no rescue from the outside. Maybe just a moment in the eternal balancing act of life.
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duality
now three releases the tension of two...nothing changes but stability (?)
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aaaaaaaaaaaah, Beauty of woman is what is natural. The life of war though I think can tear on anyone ... and those can be seen. Whether your battling with a job... or life in general or even a real battle as a soldier. We all have battles... Don't give up on treating yourself good! your worth it! ~ Woman power!
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yeay!
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I really like this, but it seems there's something missing, some sadness I'm not quite catching. Some tragedy I didn't quite notice in there... I don't know, it needs something... I wish I could be more help here.
Thank you for entering, I hope you work out what I meant from all that ramble. -
laid on tracks
like your final destination is predetermied?
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