He comes
Bearing flowers
Ever the politician
With soulless denial
Streaming from his corrupted mouth
They'd call it a disorder
Perhaps the Narcissus sparkle
Meanwhile, there's a cracked doll
Looking stoned with lace and lipstick
Rotting next to bones in his closet
He's stitching crow to still the storm
But the tyrant in his twisted mind
Wont abate
He throws a dagger at the mirror
Authoritarian dreams rising
The sinner in him
Easy to induce
Pink blossoms and innocence
A shadow he must crucify
Conscience a ghost
Long since evacuated
Author notes
About the beginnings of a serial killer. The list of words used from word bank follows: flowers,politician,soulless, denial, corrupted, mouth,
disorder, narcissus, sparkle, cracked, doll, rotting, bones, stitching, crow, tyrant, twisted, dagger, mirror, authoritarian, sinner, pink, blossoms, innocence, shadow, crucify, ghost, evacuated
28 total
A contest entry
- My first word bank contest by pozo.
1050 points, ended April 12, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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imagery one can seek their teeth into here. great write and use of the word bank.
a shadow he must crucify... WOW
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pain most likely root cause,
sad and very scarely.
free of conscience
exquisite write with exceptional imagery
God bless...
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Fear And sickness
If one day they could find what imballance one has that makes them do what they do would truly be a miracle. But I really dont think they are studying this they are more in to trying to understand how flees mate
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I have never been a fan of word bank poetry but this has changed my mind. Totally spontaneous and brilliant. I loved it! Thanks. Stephanie x
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A shadow he must crucify
Conscience a ghost
Long since evacuated
This is just wonderful and mystrious immagery and the the stamina for the feel the environment of the looks of the words are very strongly moving towards its impact ..This is an intriguing poem this way..The imagery and its pace of the sentiments also have its points to ponder and I apprecizte this write so much..well done..
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Wow, that was really creative and clever. You used the words wonderfully, I love the story.
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I like it! I know a few narcissists and this really fits. It is so descriptive, you can almost feel the words. Love it.
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You well describe a "Malignant Narcissist." It springs from the mind convinced of its own victimhood, and any predatory actions are justified as revenge. I could see the cracked doll with the bones in the closet as a living person whose past pain disposes her to cling to him. Or perhaps she is merely purchased. I think now that the contest is over, you can evacuate the explanation, as I find it a distraction. I am very curious as to your understanding of "stitching crows" as a metaphor. It is dark and delicious as a phrase, though.
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I liked the second verse.."they'e call it a disorder, perhaps the Narcissus sparkle, Meanwhile, there's a cracked dool, looking stoned with lace and lipstick, rotting next to bones in his closet", very discriptive and spooky...nicely done, good luck in the contest
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so detailted and the imagry i liked it alot
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How strange that this piece struggles when it so clearly should not. It is against my nature to indulge in between-the-lines second guessing, but I think I see within this piece not an image of the subject drawn from the outside, but almost... his image of himself. If that was the intention then you have succeeded marvelously... in a regard that is a bit behind ordinary comprehension... like a lateral thinking puzzle.
Come to think of it, whether you intended it or not is irrelevant, as that is the way I have taken it. Might be the best piece I will read tonight.
Good luck in your future works.
~Das
PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June. -
i rather liked it. it showed that you're full of thought, for one thing. It was short but quite detailed. fantastic.
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Chilling
I saw the tortured mind. Wow your use of the word bank was great. Not only did you intwine so many words, but did it very well. The poetry part, well it reads like a hit-or-miss story, which leaves a reader wondering about what they don't read. GREAT work. I wish you luck in the contest. May you have a great weekend as well.
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Ms Sarah, I like; you are a complex and thoughtful, thought-provoking writer’s writer. Just the kind of person I desire to read, often and more often. A person who holds and displays charm, a mixed balance of both mystery and familiarity. Thank you.
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wow....quite good actually. you have done a great job with this one. thank you so much for sharing. I liked it a lot. good luck. peace and light, kp
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Dark and intense. You molded your words into a horrifying work of art. Excellent piece, I hope you keep penning. Good luck in the contest. You have talent.
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Very dark I liked this, it established and described the character well
Thanks for your comment
Pozo
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