Chips of guilt
Settle painfully
In my stomach
(original of course...
I needed the salt fix)
And you were too ready
To be the wound
That would be giving
And accepting
Now nocturnal days
Weigh heavily
On my mind
I've never been this far
From home
And this desolate
Without someone to light
My broken way
(you were too busy
To see the forgiveness in my eyes)
Shavings of broken memories
Rain down on me now
To pitiful nights
And home again dreams
Ahh...
That's right
You forgot
About me.
Pepper me with disaster
Dissect every living part
Of what I used to be
(what am I becoming?)
Cotton candy fluff
That's long been digested
In this acidic scheme of life
Yes...
That's obvious
I was never good enough
For those twisted requirements
You brought with you
In that leather suitcase
Filled with
Tools.
(sharp and shiny.)
It's nice to know you brought
What you thought I'd need.
But...
(this has never looked so good to me)
Author notes
I don't know. I just took the beginning and ran with it.
Hope you like it!
A contest entry
- Guilt ... by Polaja.
700 points, ended May 23, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Interesting, not as short as I expected but pretty good.
-
"Pepper me with disaster
Dissect every living part
Of what I used to be
What am I becoming?"
I loved that part. It's something I always wonder to myself... Like right now.
I apologize for my lack of actual commenting as of late...
-
I really love the what have I become? and the answer is just marvelous "Cotton candy fluff, That's long been digested, In this acidic scheme of life" made me think of a lot of things... like digested food... well with stomach acids and stuff... especially since you picked the cotton candy and its very sugary and well not very thick or solid... it would easily be digested... Oh I also liked the whole wound stuff in the beginning cause sometimes we really do want to be victimized... not all the time of course... but anyways yeah good work...
-
(original of course...
I needed the salt fix)
And you were too ready
To be the wound
That would be giving
And accepting
**oh goodness, you've done it again. an overt metaphor that peeks out if the reader double checks the lines. not for the casual poetry reader i'm sure.**
Cotton candy fluff
That's long been digested
In this acidic scheme of life
**reminds me of the first time i ate cotton candy. thought it tasted so good that i ate a chunk the size of my head. woke up with a belly ache the next day and hated the experience with such a childlike pain that i wouldnt eat it again for years. sigh. we are all children in some way correct? we always hate when our actions produce an odious effect, no matter if its cotton candy or dating or life in general. all seems sweet till the morning after.**
For those twisted requirements
You brought with you
In that leather suitcase
Filled with
Tools.
(sharp and shiny.)
It's nice to know you brought
What you thought I'd need.
**cutting off the disagreable parts to better suit our loved ones. luckily those little torture tools don't come so easily now to purchase. better maybe.**
always good dear. keep it up!
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