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~I Didn't Fall Far~

 
Slipped from their limbs, never lost inner power,
landed bitter and bruised, did not spoil or sour.
They say that I didn’t fall far from their tree,
stem snapped with sweetness , down dropped dignity.
Slice me into segments, now dare to explore,
peel back this smooth skin to reveal my heart’s core,
Inside me, the seeds of my own fruit do lie,
I hope they grow branches that reach to the sky.

 

Author notes

You must pen a rhyming poem in EIGHT lines or UNDER.

Based on the old cliche that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Metaphoric representation of an apple that fell too soon but tried to land with grace. If examined, you would see that she left her seeds behind to grow her own trees.

-Ink Artist-

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Comments

1 - 45 of 45

  • VanGoghNights
    December 14, 2007

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    wow

    this poem is very intense and so full of emotion..i felt like your were bursting to get this one out! nicely written my friend
    Savina


  • freespirit51
    November 14, 2007

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    A very thought provoking piece my friend. You did a truly amazing job with the metaphors as well. The rhyme is flawless as is the flow. Great job poet.


  • Never Fall in Love
    August 16, 2007
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    Hood-Winked!

    This is very beautiful. On my time here, excellent rhyming poets are rather rare - so I've definately found a gem.

    SO much imagery, emotion and effort was put in this ... nothing short of excellence!

    -You have been hood-winked by the Poetic Bandits-

    NeveR ♥


  • Violinstrings silver member
    June 15, 2007
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    great!!

    you are so talented

  • Violinstrings silver member
    June 15, 2007
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    that is great


  • Lady-Pegasus
    June 12, 2007
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    Awww what happened to the picture that was here? it was great!


    • -Ink Artist-
      June 13, 2007
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      That awesome pic will be back 6-14! The diapers were more important than re-subscribing on my due date this month, had to defer payment for a few days. I'll have at least my silver membership back up on payday!


      ~Lori


  • Lady-Pegasus
    May 23, 2007
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    Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules.
    I KNEW I recognized that picture! Although I have commented on this previously, for the sake of the contest I will restate that this is wonderful and delicious, the pic certainly a perfect compliment! WELL DONE again! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e


  • Fire N Ice
    May 15, 2007
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    What a beautiful write

    I dont think ive ever read anything quite like it,
    bronze, wow, this deserves GOLD!!!


  • LucyLightning
    May 10, 2007

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    wow, i loved this. Very nice picture too! Loveddddd it!!! Great job!!


  • SabaSophiya
    May 6, 2007

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    "Inside me, the seeds of my own fruit do lie,
    I hope they grow branches that reach to the sky."

    You have penned over here a majestically uplifting piece of poetry! So glad I came across it!!

    Keep rocking with your words.
    Best,
    Sophie.



  • jacbgd2 gold member
    May 3, 2007

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    WOW!

    Oh, my goodness the intensity of the message be hind these words is exquisite... I simply love this piece of work... such strong feelings expressed.. my favorite part.."Slice me into segments, now dare to explore,
    peel back this smooth skin to reveal my heart’s core"
    SSSSSSSOOOOOOOoooo infinitely expressive of where the writer's words are being taken from......where.... deep down inside.... places where no one else will ever see, be or touch.......  the writer has allowed the essence of their .. what I call "idd".....to flow OHhhhhhhh so gracefully the the tip of their pen and into the heart of a poem that takes it's readers "to a place where no one has gone before". I am captivated by these so perfectly chosen words...I applaud you talents...Hats off to you...
    BRAVO my fellow poet... BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        

                                                                                                               
     

     

      


    • -Ink Artist-
      May 3, 2007
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      Thank you for the wonderful comment on this piece. It is greatly appreciated!


      ~Lori


  • Kalima
    April 26, 2007
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    I like this poem. Very different. Keep it up! Stacey:


  • Firequeen
    April 24, 2007
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    Beautiful
    Congrats on the bronze
    very deserving.
    Fire


  • mysticstorm gold member
    April 24, 2007
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    Congratulations on the Bronze. This is wonderful, in meaning and form. You met the challenge and said so much in short order.
    I love this piece completely. The metaphor and beautiful word choice are excellent.
    Outstanding as always!
    Best to you,
    mystic


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    April 20, 2007

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    Exquisite...

    Congratulations on the bronze for this masterfully penned poem, I love the way you have personified an apple, some great lines, in fact I quite felt sorry for the poor thing, first being dropped, then to be sliced open bearing her heart and flesh, then cut to her womb of seeds...I think she was cruelly abused Hopefully all will not be lost if her seed is allowed to flourish and bear fruit for themselves

    I so enjoyed this delicious piece of poetry, with good flow and rhyme

    Love and smiles...
    ~Lilac


  • Frozentearz
    April 20, 2007

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    bravo bravo..

    Congratulations on your bronze
    this was an awesome poem, Love how it held different meanings, I have said it before I love poems, that make my mind wander into different directions..
    Warm thoughts
    Frozentearz


  • Frogzter gold member
    April 19, 2007

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    Anther great peice my friend! great imagery, fantastic rhymes... Hopeful and inspiring! Thanks for sharing and blessings to you!

    Frogz~


  • ButterflyforChrist
    April 19, 2007

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    Wow! I really like this! I love the imagery you used. This really blew me away! So descriptive! Amazing!


  • Spiritual Poet gold member
    April 19, 2007

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    Well done

    How wonderful a pice of prose. I love the lines "Inside me, the seeds of my own fruit do lie,
    I hope they grow branches that reach to the sky. "

    That speaks of hope for the future; that my children and those I influence will grow stronger, reach higher, achieve more and touch more lives than I did.

    That is an awesome hope dear lady! God bless you dear lady, Mark


  • Samplette gold member
    April 19, 2007

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    This is an amazing piece of poetry. I am glad it place in the contest. Wonderful imagery laced throughout. Very nicely done. A pleasure to read.
    Sam


  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 19, 2007
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    A beautiful write and presentation. Good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good metaphor. Good word choice. Nice alliteration and assonance. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read. Congratulations on winning Bronze. Well deserved.


  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    April 18, 2007

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    Good thoughtful, metaphoric poem, rich with emotion and complimenting the picture image. Good write.

    Dennis


  • azure85 gold member
    April 17, 2007

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    Wow, this is such a vivid desription of the apple, and the many meaning behind it. This is so original, and your poetry shines throughout it.


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 17, 2007

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    Great write here, and well deserved bronze trophy as well. Liked the metaphor used throughout this poem, the brevity of the piece and the strong message it shares with the readers.


  • sheltered
    April 17, 2007

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    Awesome

    You said "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" eloquently and with great rhyme and flow. Much congratulations on the well deserved trophy and good luck in the survivor challenges.


  • night-eyed demon
    April 17, 2007

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    this is a sweet and touching poem. it's short but has a lot of power, feeling, and emotion. well to me it dose. nice write


  • Kram
    April 17, 2007

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    lovely

    Slice me into segments, now dare to explore,......what a lovely line .....i like it ...thank you for writing this


  • WolfHeart
    April 16, 2007

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    Interesting take

    I read this several time to plumb the depth of meaning and found it could be a metaphor for many things, even though it seemed so simple at first look. It is a good piece of poetry.

    love Auntie Wolfie (your biggest fan)


  • Bedroom Eyes
    April 15, 2007

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    This is a very good metaphoric write Lori. It's not so easy to write short poems that rhyme, and also flow well and make sense. You're done a great job. Congrats on the bronze


  • elemental angel
    April 15, 2007

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    Great use of metaphor and such a fantastic flow. Congratulations on your trophy with this deserving piece. Bravo


  • slipperssun gold member
    April 14, 2007

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    wow i love the metaphors in this one... i too hope you can reach to be all that is possible. well done on a great write
    cheers
    Jen


  • ckwriter69
    April 14, 2007

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    very nice descriptions Lori. Good metaphor and nice word usuage. Thanks for sharing and congrats on the bronze.


  • Ryno
    April 13, 2007

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    Very beautiful along with the smoothest flow yet. Gracious form almost. Wonderful job. Thanks for entering.
    ~Ryan~


  • countrybabe gold member
    April 12, 2007

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    Nicely Done

    This is very nicely done. I loved the whole thing. Good luck to you in this contest.

    Keep writing

    Countrybabe


  • PerfectImperfection
    April 11, 2007

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    I really enjoyed this! Such a very well expressed piece, holding a powerful sense of unsettled memory. The picture just illuminates the thought. Best wishes!


  • February Moon gold member
    April 11, 2007

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    Amazing!

    You seriously deserve to win with this one, it is totally wonderful! Good luck!
    Chelsea


  • Puppydog gold member
    April 11, 2007

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    SO BEAUTIFUL!

    This is touching and beautiful my friend, in so many ways we are like our family, we truly do not fall far from the tree.


  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 11, 2007

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    Aww dear friend how touching, and I adored that pic it is very sweet and makes me want an apple, but not that one so i dun mess it up hehe. As always a good one from you! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Cannonsfire
    April 11, 2007

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    Ah we are our parents, well in my case maybe for I was adopted, so I went from being 100% aussie to 4th gen. irish! Then you get a little confused when you find those things out! But the traits you pick up from those who love you seem to stick not matter what the blood ties are. Love, C


  • BlackRabbit9x
    April 11, 2007

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    The slicing, the peeling, the seeds, you tapped into this piece perfectly and precisely. You gave a tremendous transition of metaphors and this is a very excellently done piece.


    • -Ink Artist-
      April 11, 2007
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      Wow, you're a quick Rabbit! Thanks for the awesome comment, hun! Much appreciated!


      ~Lori

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