I don't want to see
Block out the light
If I could stay asleep
And it would still be last night
You would be there
Lying in your bed
And I wouldn't be here
Going out of my head.
Smoke the sun
Turn back time
I can't keep going
No reason, no rhyme.
The world keeps on spinning
But we both got stuck
At the moment when your
Car smashed into that truck!
Author notes
Blunt - yes
True - yes
I'm feeling bitter today - this is about the death of my sister and her whole family - their car smashed into a truck and they all died - they took my heart to the grave with them.
A contest entry
- Titles For Everyone!!! by AllYoullNeverHave.
450 points, ended April 13, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The phrase "smoke the sun" adds dynamic and makes the piece a little more beautiful. Blunt is good, true it better, but I'm sorry it's a tragic truth. Keep writing, maybe you'll be able to find (if only) the smallest amount of good. Thanks for sharing and take care.
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Oh my goodness!!! That is so tragic! I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I hope you feel better soon.
Now, on with the judging...
Well done with this piece. Very interesting. Nicely written. The flow seemed a little off, but overall it was a good piece. Very good rhyming. Good job. Thanks for entering. Good luck!
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